


April's Fool

by tesseract_daddy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bottom Loki (Marvel), Brief Jotunn Loki, Canon Divergence - Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Flashbacks with Sigyn and Grandmaster, Genderqueer Character, M/M, Minor Jane Foster/Thor, Porn With Plot, Pseudo-Incest, Shapeshifter Loki (Marvel), Slow Burn, Thor's First Time Bottoming, Top Thor (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-05-18 20:51:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 85,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19342399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tesseract_daddy/pseuds/tesseract_daddy
Summary: Sentenced to permanent house arrest in Stark Tower, Loki finds himself growing thirsty for mischief. When he learns of April Fools' Day, he cannot resist the urge to play a prank on his brother. Wouldn't it just be hilarious to convince the Mighty Thor that he has a crush on his younger brother? Well, Loki thinks it's a riot... that is, until it isn't.





	1. A Prologue By Yours Truly

* * *

 

 

I know what you’re thinking. How did Loki — Prince of Asgard, rightful King of Jotunheim, part-time Odinson, biological Laufeyson, God of Mischief, Lies, and Stories, sorcerer extraordinaire, stellar shapeshifter, sensational seidrmadr, ill reputed illusionist, infamous backstabber (both of the literal and figurative persuasions), world class strategist, fashion icon… alright, I’ll admit I’ve lost myself in the dramatics of wordsmithing. Let us try this once more.

I know what you’re thinking. How did Loki, God of Mischief, end up on the wrong side of his own ruse? A masterful prank gone ever-so-wrong, so completely upside down that he is practically upside down himself, trapped beneath his oafish brother. You may well wonder what grand excuse I have now. Oh, did the mighty Thor fall atop you? Pinning you down, pulling you into this epic staring contest of the gods where the tepid waters of sexual tension are tested. A stand off (set curiously within my bed chambers) to determine which god might break. Which god started all this. Which god, if either, desires to cross that proverbial line no sibling may well from return.

Don’t be foolish. I’m a much better liar than that. And for once, might I say, that the honest explanation is well within my grasp to admit without much incrimination, or rather, incrimination that I am full willing to accept.

 

~~~

 

This damnable situation found its start quite some time ago since our refugee landing upon Midgard. With the people of “Earth,” as you call it, partially aware of the expanses of the universe teeming with vast intelligence beyond their comprehension, it took very little on Thor’s part to bargain our stay. Who wouldn’t want the alien gods of old living just up the hill and around the corner? Not to mention the governments of Scandinavia are quite open to diplomacy.

With the treaties signed and a spot of land carved out for the remaining Asgardians and Sakaarians, the sun rose upon a steady and hopeful future for our people.

Except for me.

Can you believe there was a clause, nay an entire addendum written specifically about yours truly? I’ll not bore you with the most boring, boorish buffoonery in the history of documents. Instead, I will summarize the crime of it for you here: New Asgard may be erected in the absence of Loki of Asgard. (No, they didn’t know my last name. Either of them.) Loki of Asgard may return to New Asgard in the future by appeal and majority approval only— (The committee was not named. How very convenient.) —upon Loki of Asgard’s reformation under the watch and counsel of the Avengers, signed by Anthony Stark. This agreement exists upon formality as a promise to Thor Odinson, King of Asgard, God of Thunder… (They went on here, but I will not.)

So this little slip of paper with my dear brother’s signature along with those of Sir Tony Stark’s and several government officials, I was shipped away to New York. There was no feast to be held. No celebration in which I could take part. My crimes of the past had left me condemned and Thor responsible for far more than my bruised ego. Besides, I was used to rejection. Used to being looked over, playing the scapegoat, and taking the fall. So I did that very thing with what little pride that remained within.

“You will return here, brother,” Thor had said as officials shook hands, Norwegian and Asgardian alike. (Well, some shook hands and others grasped forearms with a tenacious force. Humans and aesir struggling to understand the nuances of these physical greetings; all determined to show off their own dignity and prowess. I rolled my eyes, obviously.)

“How very optimistic of you.” I nearly bowed with all the sarcasm bubbling from my lips. “But let us not get ahead of ourselves. What if I’m overtaken by some other intergalactic madman and forced into dirty deeds? Or worse… I turn around and do these dirty deeds myself.”

Thor did not know what to say to me or perhaps he had heard enough. Our bickering had been a constant for years at that point, but the brief voyage upon the Statesman after watching our world plummet into Surtur’s flame had been a vacation from our usual upsets. Somehow I had regained myself, and with that, my brother. He looked upon me with disappointment no longer. His head did not shake. His shoulders did not slack with exasperation. But all good things, especially my good things, have their end. Ours was landing upon Migardian soil. Watching Thor’s Earthly loved ones gather to collect us. Them. Very much them. I could see upon their faces question marks writ in wrinkles asking why. Why is _he_ with you? And I sunk back, shaken from Thor’s optimism… the words that he had convinced me of during our voyage… they would not accept me. They would not forgive. That Barton man spied upon me with murder in his eyes. (As if he could.) There was no smooth entrance for me.

 _Run_ , I thought. I could have, easily. With the Tesseract in my corporeal grasp, I could have fucked off to Knowhere or Anywhat. To be honest, however, I was tired of running.

For Thor and all I owed him (though this is the only moment I will admit to such a disgusting, trite, grotesque little thing), I bowed my head in agreement, handing over my beloved Tesseract as a gesture of good faith. I signed my own documents while they only proved to be formalities. I allowed Stark to place magic dampening cuffs upon me and willfully stepped into his custody.

“I will visit you often,” said Thor. His eyes pained. Well, one. The other was with Hela in Niflheim.

“Do not make promises you will not keep.” That was my farewell and onto New York I went.

 

~~~

 

The trouble of our messy departure left me feeling spiteful. I could handle the rudeness of the Avengers, but Thor’s stupidity drove me up the walls of my bedroom-prison. How could he dangle hugs at me upon the Statesman? Joke and grasp and hold. Mourn and cry and stare at the endless stars that painted the black and purple expanses of space. How dare he dangle visits now, hoping for my obedience. Praying that I remain on my best behavior so that we may beg the UN to allow my passage back home. _Home._

Yes, he hugged me upon the Statesman. Yes, he visited as promised. Yes, our relationship veered toward repair. All would not have been so bad if Thor hadn’t gotten mixed up with Lady Jane again.  

A collective eye roll from the audience, if you please.

Thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, how I do hope you enjoyed this thusly. Thank you for taking the time to read. Do share your thoughts, feelings, what have you... and I will do my utmost to please. <3


	2. March 31st — The Talk of Ted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor has a date... or whatever.

* * *

 

 

At first, Thor visited to New York for two reasons and two reasons only. The first being me, naturally. The second being his duties as an Avenger. However, as time went on, a third reason crept onto the short list in the form of Lady Jane. It wasn’t long before the woman who sparked humility in the arrogant Thor reared her pretty little head. A few months, really. I was barely getting used to doing EVERY WAKING TASK WITHOUT THE AID OF MAGIC, and Thor had found his heart thrumming over that spindly wastrel. (Okay, that’s harsh, even for me.) His distraction confounded our visits as opportunities for him to selfishly and pathetically muse over his rekindled Lady Love. Gross.

The Good Doctor Jane’s career saw her frequenting New York from her sand ridden home of Albuquerque. Now I needn’t remind you, but Jane and Thor were no more. Had been, in fact, for quite some time at the lady’s behest. A sensible decision that never sat well with my idiot brother. This rekindling, however, was not romantic in nature, at least for Lady Jane’s part. She had closed herself off from sentimentality and emotion as it stood with the oaf, resigning their visits to that of a conjugal nature. Simply speaking, she wanted Thor’s body. All of it. Every last muscular, tenuous, sinewy drop of it… save for his heart.

Moving forward to the true start of this debacle, Lady Jane gave my brother a ring to arrange another conjugal visit. “Oh, I’ll be in town for a TED Talk on the 30th,” she’d said. I’m nosy, so I listened in from my room.

“Glorious, but who is this Ted?” Thor beamed whenever they spoke, because despite the breakup and all his wrong doings in their brief relationship, the candle lit for Lady Jane never wavered. The god seemed to think there would always be a chance for them. They were destined to unite. Blah, blah, blah. The fool. Her time was rather numbered. Comparatively, her lifetime was about .02% the length of ours. She’d already lived a third of that puny timeline. What was he expecting? But I suppose that he could wait around for her until she died without wasting much of his own numbered days.

Now Lady Jane’s resolve to use my brother’s body for her own selfish gain… I could respect that. She’d been abandoned… and I know abandonment.

[Author’s Note: I tried to tell him not to break the damnable Bifrost, so that is completely on him. If he had just let it go, the bridge to Midgard would have remained! I would just like to note that far too many people (Lady Jane) blame me for this error. It was his decision. Don’t tell me the Lady Jane cares about the jötnar. She doesn’t even know who or what they are. She’s never checked in on them. She doesn’t even know that I’m one of them. I mean… well, I’m just a bit bitter. Thor’s ignorance is not my fault. The end.]

She’d been ignored. When Thor returned to reunite with his Avenger friends…

[Author’s Note: I’d also like to point out that Thor actually returned for _me_. Not to fight alongside the Avengers. He actually became an Avenger because of me. Odin sent him with a load of dark energy since Asgard was still out one Bifrost Bridge of Ultimate Rainbows. In summary, you're welcome.]

He didn’t swing Mjolnir into a flurry, taking off west for his lovely lass. Not at all. Even with all the destruction and carnage, he could have at least checked on her. By Balder’s sweet breastplate, you can be sure that Lady Jane will forever feel slighted for such inaction. Imagine your lover (if they’d even consummated the thing) being a god, a superhero, or an… incredibly strong person of mighty caliber and they do not check on your well being after the Earth is attacked by a masterful creature of power, wit, and devastating bone structure hailing from space bent on ruling this new world as its king.

[Author’s Note: I knew there was no winning the war, but if I had succeeded and was allowed to rule over Midgard as its King, I had planned to rename it Lokkenheim and unite all the continents entirely under my rule. The new continent names are a bit embarrassing, to be perfectly honest, but I’ll give two away: North America would have been Slepnirheim and Oceania would have been Thorrungard.]

He didn’t check up on his Lady Jane after machines threatened the realm. And with how often their realm is attacked by this thing or that, one might consider picking up a phone in the very least: “Hello Jane, are you dead?” Something. So Lady Jane using the fool for his formidable form is proper fair in my books.

But I cannot help to care for the witless oaf. His heart, while misled, did pine for her so deeply... though I’m not sure why. His past loves of Asgard were more his taste, I feel. The Lady Sif and her brawn. The… well, several maidens who fawned over him and held their bedded nights as trophies. I supposed that Lady Jane held a brawn of her own and fawned over him as a treasure in her way. She was determined and, as any human before the recent past, had never seen a god from outer space before, upon a pedestal she placed the mighty Thor and in her feeble human mind, thought it possible to attain him as a mortal.

To avoid talking in circles, I will move right ahead. Thor fell deeply in love with Lady Jane (again) upon our newfound stay on Midgard. His time spent between New Asgard in Norway and New York with his Avengers. Again I, very unfortunately, remained in New York (assumption: indefinitely) as the federations of this Realm preferred that I remain under the watchful eye of the Avengers. All of them. Not just Thor, who had this habit of trusting me from time to time. They DID allow me to construct a makeshift two-way Bifrost between New Asgard and the Stark Tower. Now if we’re being technical, it isn’t really a Bifrost. It is much more of a forced shadow step through a limited tunnel with a singular entrance and exit, but I added the rainbow fanfare because who doesn’t love a splash of color. And also because I can.

 

## #magic

So Lady Jane came to visit Thor on March 31st after her talk with TED. (This is a joke. I’m not stupid like Thor.) He was notably frazzled, asking my assistance in dressing him as a Migardian gentleman (boring). Though he looked rather nice, in fact. A smart burgundy coat and grey slacks, fitted perfectly in the way that his arms and thighs… well, you know how he looks. The uneven ridges in his unwanted haircut had filled in, so I smoothed it out as he sat before my vanity in my dim, solemn room. I stood behind him and styled away. There was a moment of fealty and familiarity that warmed something within the icy tundra of whatever some may call a heart, though I definitely felt nothing at all. Whatever it was, returned me to the Statesman, standing before a mirror and assuring Thor that his eyepatch and short hair suited him, no matter the clear distress to his life. He would weather the storm, as it were, for there was no greater storm than that which brewed within. But that’s just a memory; it definitely meant nothing.

Thor smiled through the mirror. “I’m going to ask Jane if I may court her.”

“Oh, Thor.” I frowned and held back a groan. You see, I’d been witness to Jane’s exits upon several occasions. Her expression did not glow as a maiden whisked into the breezes of spring’s fertile blossoms or the warm shimmering sun beaming down to heat a fresh summer’s morn. No, she was on the path toward escape. Head down, stalking away, wearing the same clothes from the night before. There’s a Midgardian phrase for this — “walk of shame.” The Asgardian phrase does not translate well and does not mean nearly the same as we tend to bed rather frequently and indiscriminately. “Escape of the pitiful” — It is more appropriate for instances of deceit. Now if Lady Jane was leaving Stark’s room _that_ would have been quite the escape of the pitiful.

“I know for my part that I have not been the best partner to Jane in the past, but our trysts as of late have been…” Thor said, turning away to blush. I grabbed his head to steady it, trimming the mess of his beard. Reminding myself that stabbing my brother in the throat with scissors before his date would be wrong. _No more stabbing, Loki._ Fine, fine.

“Yes, I’ve heard. Your guest room is adjacent to mine own and may I remind you that you are a grunting ape.” I nearly sliced him on the cheek for fun. But I didn’t! “Also, I would like to request noise canceling headphones for these painful occasions.”

“And you will have them.” His smile grew with the final clips of his beard. Then lotions and pommade. Oh, how the man needed me. What a mess. With a final twist of hair, Thor clasped my free hand. “Thank you, brother.”

“Let go.”

“Why so—”

“I am fine. It’s just rather odd seeing you nervous and it makes me nervous. I would much rather you leave so I can relax with a book. Maybe I’ll request that Stark lower the dampers that I may practice a little magic. I don’t want to go rusty while I’m trapped with these damnable humans.”

“Just don’t play with your seidr too hard.” Thor slapped my back as he stood. I’ve learned this as such to be a ‘bro move’ and I hate it. “Maybe if you met someone, we could go on double dates and—”

“That sounds spectacularly dreadful.” I feigned a faint across my chaise lounge, imagining myself across the table with those two. My mind is a cruel wonderland, so the part of my someone was filled in by a series of ‘the last person in the universe I would ever court.’ Yes, the Grandmaster was there and No, we’re not going to talk about it.

For a moment, I considered warning Thor of Lady Jane’s purely physical interests. She would reject him. She would break his heart. But such a kind warning from me wouldn’t have been very ‘on-brand,’ as you say. Instead, I wished the fool luck from my lounging position. He bid me leave and went along his way. A man to the emotional gallows. A heart to be crushed. They would be even then, the Thunder God and his Lady of Science. Two stubborn lovers who loved each other in the wrong ways at the wrong times. As I lay there, itching with curiosity, wishing to be a fly on the wall at their dinner, but unable to shapeshift thanks to Stark Tech, I couldn’t help feeling a bit guilty. Oh, forget my _brand_. Isn’t my brand also about defying expectations? When Thor gave up on me and abandoned me in the hangar, I returned. Who saw that coming? I didn’t! I really didn’t. I make up far too many moves on the fly. Far more than I’m proud of.

So I ran for the elevator, pausing only for a moment to admire Capt. Roger’s bum because… well, it just is quite the bum, isn’t it? Rather distracting, even for a man trying desperately to save his brother from heartache. With a little luck, I found Thor in the lobby, hiring a car at the front desk concierge. Stark is far too much, isn’t he? Extra, as you say.

“Thor, a minute.” I stopped to catch my breath, realizing only then that I’d been running.

“Uh, Loki,” said the man at the front desk. His voice whiny and absolutely abhorrent and I’d forgotten my dagger upstairs and no magic and just… ugh, I hated everything.

“What is your name?” I demanded.

He pointed to his badge. Fake gold. Ha! “Ted Daniels.”

“Alright Mister Theodore Daniels. My name, to you and all who are not familiar with me—”

“Loki,” Thor said, putting his hand on my shoulder.

“ —Yes, Loki. Prince Loki of Asgard. Odinson. Son of Laufey and Farbauti. God of—”

Thor lifted me by the waist, tossing my form over his shoulder. Mister Daniels squawked and warned Thor that I was not permitted to leave the building without clearance or my damper. (Oh, yes, Stark Tech was fully integrated into ruining my life.)

“Sorry, Mister Thor… um, God of Thunder and what else am I supposed to say?”

“Oh, no worries, friend. Loki is the only one with the identity crisis.” Thor chuckled and put me down. Are you thinking what I was thinking at that moment, because you should be. Oh, how dare that behemoth. Swooping me up as if I were some helpless fawn?! If only I’d sliced his beard clean off his face, skin and all. On Asgard, we called that a Bor’s Necklace.

Dropping me to my feet, Thor patted my shoulders. “What did you mean to tell me? The car will be here shortly and I wouldn’t want to spurn—”

“Oh, no. You very well wouldn’t want to spurn the dear Lady Jane once again. Or again. Especially not again.”

Thor cocked his head. “What is it? You almost sound a bit jealous.”

“Jealous?!” I very well could have maimed him if only for a weapon. “I am here to warn you, but now that I am reminded of your ignorance and misguided chides, well, I do believe you have this whole evening handled.”

He pouted then, the idiot, and moved in close as he always did. The leer. His hand rested upon my shoulder, eased to my neck, and brushed the hair behind my ear. From the corner of my eye, I could see Mister Daniels at the front desk frowning oddly. His expression twisted, confused by our interaction — our affection — as it had always been this way. Thor was eternally ignorant to the world around him when he approached me this way. I alone saw these moments for what they appeared. Odd is the simplest word. Inappropriate, quite another. Our way… well, that’s just denial of reality, now isn’t it?

But he started it.

“Do not worry about me, brother. Everything will be fine.” Thor moved his fingertips in a pulsating rhythm, pushing pressure down my spine. “I will always have enough time for you even after…”

I rolled my eyes and ceased to listen further. Though I should have pulled away, I remained in his grip, simultaneously soothed and repulsed by the sensation. I stayed put until his car arrived. He thanked me for my concern and requested I read to Mjolnir Junior before bed.

Then we was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! How often should I update? (I'm a mess with schedules)


	3. March 31st — To Drink Amongst Morals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein the Avengers play a drinking game...

* * *

 

 

I don’t know why I obeyed Thor and read to Mjolnir Junior, a hammer forged of the broken shards of its predecessor. She didn’t seem to care either way and I definitely hadn’t planned on it, but I couldn’t bite back the madness and frustration swelling in my tongue. I read a bit of Chaucer to her until the hum of storming uru calmed, but the swirling chartreuse of my untapped seidr would not quiet. I found myself in dire need of a drink. So I turned around and headed back down the hall to the lounge where the Avengers and Avenger Adjacent humanoids tended to gather. You may wonder why they would want me living on the same floor as their lounge; I did. Stark repeated the old moniker of friends being close and enemies being closer with the added note that evil adopted brothers of best friends should probably be kept as roommates.

“Well, if it isn’t old crazy eyes.” Stark stood behind the bar pouring drinks for the Lady Natasha and Captain Rogers. “You know, I almost sounded the alarm when you came running through here. ‘Reindeer on the loose!’ But I figured since you haven’t done anything too crazy since you’ve been here, maybe I’ll give him a little tether, you know.”

“Aren’t you a saint, Man of Iron.” I was actually quite thankful for the nicety. I didn’t need any further hassle after Thor had upset me so. “Could I trouble you for a drink?”

Lady Natasha spun around on her stool. “Are you actually trying to socialize with us?”

“No, but I would like to attempt inebriation, if you don’t mind.”

“Actually, this works out.” Stark poured a fourth glass from a crystal decanter and slid it across the bar toward the stool I approached. “We had a little wager going. Now out of the three of us, who can handle fifteen shots for fifteen minutes. And when I say handle, I mean zero stutters, slurs, slips, zilch, nada, nothing.”

“Tony, you’re gonna—” Captain Rogers interrupted. 

“I’ve got a theory. Man of Science here, thank you. I won’t bother you with all the math, but drunkenness is all math. Maybe Cap has super metabolism, but he also hasn’t had a drink since Roosevelt. Nat’s got some super spy-business going on, but I’ve seen you drunk. As for me, I have _quite_ the tolerance.” Stark grinned, raising his glass, nearly taking a sip. “Habit. Anyway, now we’ve got a demi-god.”

“There’s nothing _demi_ about me.”

“Okay, well, we’ve got a full-god. If only the Green Bean was here… major science boner right now.” Stark cleared his throat. “Do you happen to know your weight? Scratch that. FRIDAY what’s Loki’s weight?”

“0.238 metric tonnes,” said the disembodied voice of FRIDAY that haunted the halls. 

“What’s that in pounds?” Captain Rogers whispered over the bar. 

Stark made a show of playing with the math in his head. “About five hundred twenty-five pounds, carry the Steve.”

“Jesus.”

“Well, aren’t you a big boy. Add that to my calculations. Estimate the other factors. Let’s not get bogged down in the minutiae.”

“Shall we start?” I held up my glass, caring not for the challenge, desiring only to be drunk enough to forget Thor’s thoughtless words. They hurt the most when they were unintentional. When his ignorance saved him from the knowledge that he had spurned those he vowed to protect. Though I may have lost my place on that list after all my crimes, there had been a time when I was atop it. And now, to know he thought so little of me… to think he might assume my outburst for base jealousy. For envy. For a desire to monopolize his time for mine own. It was a cruel assumption and untrue at that. I could drink until these four poor souls had poisoned themselves into commas in desperation to wipe this terrible thing from my memory.

“151 proof rum for Cap and the Norse God. Gotta make it fair,” said Stark, bragging or informing, I knew not. The words meant little regardless of the All-Speak, but it did not matter. Even though the meads of Asgard were no more, I was sure enough of this amber liquor in rapid succession would have me caring for Thor’s slights less and less. 

One, two, three, and the game began. The burning solution left little to taste. No perfume nor aroma. No romantic notes. No sweet lift and lilt from honey, flora, or nut. Just fire. 

“Another,” I managed to leak out from my lips as we tiptoed to ten. It isn’t that I was unable to hold my liquor, but I wasn’t Thor. And I hadn’t partaken in _this_ liquor in _this_ way, because one isn’t supposed to drink like _this!_

“And go!” Stark shouted after each following round. We all made it to fifteen in such a short period of time. After that, I just needed to hold myself together for fifteen minutes. I could do that much, right? 

_Loki, do not show these mortals that you are a lush. Sure, you are Loki of Lushgard… No, don’t laugh. That wasn’t that funny. Stop talking to yourself and focus!_

We walked calmly, if not a forced calm to the sofa and sat. Stark, being that he rarely kept his mouth in the off position, started up a conversation. He insisted that we not hide our developing drunkenness behind silence. “Let’s chat. We haven’t gotten to know each other really since you got back to good old Earth.” 

“Your civilization is but a babe in diapers.”

Captain Rogers burst into laughter. “He said babe!”

“Oh, well it looks like Captain Super Serum is out.”

“I’m not drunk-drunk.” The Captain’s eyes grew hot. His pupils wide, dilated. 

“Come on, hon.”

“But I’m not though.” He pouted and grabbed Stark by the shirt. “Watch it’s gonna go away real quick-like, I swear.”

“And that wasn’t the wager. You _can_ get drunk. It just takes a lot and doesn’t last and you lose!” Stark turned red and began to slur. “Damn, I’m out. That was f-fast, but eh… I’m human.” He pointed to Lady Natasha. “You. H-how’re you?”

“I’m alright. Holding it together is my expertise.” She grinned and crossed her legs. “I’m winning that custom Jag.”

“There’s a prize to be had?” I leaned forward, which may not have been the best idea as my head spun like a whirlwind. _Hold it together, Loki. There’s a prize at hand._ “But what use would I have of this Jag?”

“No, you name your prize. I called the Jag.” Lady Natasha cleared her throat, losing her edge. “Steve called a home theater with all his retro favorites. Tony, what did you want again?”

“Gimme a sec.” Stark darted behind the bar and vomited into a bin. It took far too much effort not to burst into a fit of laughter, though I would have done so sober, they didn’t know me to laugh or smile much at all, and I wasn’t risking a loss. “Okay, I’m back. I wanted all of you to call me Your H-highness for a month. No particular reason. It’s true what they say… what do you give a man whos-whos-who already has everything?” He vomited yet again shortly after this simple retort. “So what do you want, Tall, Dark, and Mopey?”

“I want the magic dampers off… or at least lowered for some duration, daily.” I crossed my fingers that neither of the fools noticed the pauses in my speech or the subtle fade of my constitution. I was sweating a bit thanks to my damned jotunn self (or maybe it was just the alcohol), but they’d seen me at my villainous worst. Oh, I know exactly what I looked like. Gruesomely. As they say, I was a hot mess. With luck, they wouldn’t notice. Maybe they were too drunk themselves. (By the way, Captain Rogers giggled about the word dampers, mishearing it as diapers.)

“What are you planning?” Stark narrowed his gaze.

“Nothing.”

“Then what do you need magic for?”

“Stark, if I may… imagine yourself without your computers. Would you like it? No. Could you stand it? Have I not proved myself lacking all threat?” I wiped my brow, feigning emotion for the growing effects of alcohol. _Wax poetic, Loki. Spin your words._ “I merely cannot go on without stretching my wings. Widen the cage, that is all I ask. But this clipping, I can stand no longer.”

“Once a week… for an hour.”

“An hour? Surely, you jest. An hour per day or one day per week; is that not fair?”

“Only if you beat Nat.” Stark vomited again. The bin now in his lap as he sat on the floor. 

Lady Natasha’s eyes ran over me with great judgment. “You’re sweating.”

“I’m a frost giant and it is rather hot in here.” 

“How big _is_ a frost giant anyway?” asked Captain Rogers who seemed suddenly sober once more. “Not to be rude, but we’re the same height. And Thor’s taller than—”

“How studious of you, Captain.” I bit my lip. “Let’s just say that I’m _excessively_ short.”

And then it happened, like the sound of running water to the ears of man dying of thirst. Lady Natasha laughed. It was light at first. A titter. One may have missed it if not for careful ears. But she could not contain herself, holding back the swell of laughter with her palm. One did not require the utilities of magic to discover the images within her imagination: A miniature version of myself surrounded by ice-clad giants, leagues above my head. Possibly playing a rousing game of Keep Away.

Usually, I resent laughter at my expense having grown up as the brunt of such humiliating humor. The Warriors Three and Lady Sif with their little chides. _Oh, Loki is a snake, a weasel, a witch! Oh, the young prince plays with seidr; a princess more like! Oh, how he struggles to lift our axes and swords. How delicate our Prince of Daggers must be! Oh, how the weakling faints in the summer!_ Well, we all know why now! By the Bushy Beard of Bor, children are cruel creatures, are they not?

“Looks like we have a winner.” Stark spat into the bin and groaned. The groan seemed to be unrelated to our wager, though who knows. The drunken fool had just promised the man who had from that very room access to glorious power. Luckily for him, I had no intention of using this gift for anything other than seidr exercise. And a bit of mischief here and there, but that is compulsory, really. 

Suspicion management is fundamental for a deity of deception. I would leave the other Avengers relatively unscathed, practicing only small pranks to ensure that the quiet of my storm was never _too_ quiet. _Oh, Loki turned all the hot coffee cold. That scamp!_ Yes, I would charm them with my tomfoolery, lying in wait to claim my revenge against that arrogant, ignoramus, Thor. 

“What a— what a coincidence…” said Lady Natasha. She was still laughing. “Sorry, I just keep seeing you so s-s-small.” She snorted most obnoxiously. 

“What is the coincidence?” I sat back and crossed my arms, burdened no longer with the forced illusion of sobriety. My tone harsh and scoff unhidden. If it hadn’t been for my reluctance to attempt the trek down the hall to my room, I wouldn’t have bothered with their candor at all.

“Tomorrow is April Fools’ Day.” Lady Natasha’s head rolled back, her voice grown huskier as she lounged. “You get your magic back, Trickster.” She snorted. “Trickster is a f-funny word.”

“What is this April Fools’?” 

“Barely even a holiday,” said Stark, refreshed drink in hand. How was the unaltered human not dead? “Jerks play pranks on their friends and family. Surprised it’s not named after you.”

For once, I agreed with the Man of Iron. Any mischievous holiday lacking my moniker should be criminal.

“How does one change the name of a holiday on Midgard?”

“Doubt you’d have much luck there. Maybe you could ask Thor to change it in New Asgard. Hell, make a brand new holiday just for you.”

“Forget it.” The mention of Thor threatened to dismantle the relaxation I’d garnered from the drink. “I’m actually rather tired this night. Thank you for your hospitality.”

I bid my leave as the Lady Natasha and Stark slurred into the evening. Captain Rogers placated to their favor, taking a paternal role that need not be filled. Thankfully, I did not require assistance to retire. My steps carried me with confidence as a cool wave of fresh inebriation crashed over my mind. Upon reaching my door, I placed my palm against the sensor, then a hand sprung from behind, tapping the back of mine.

“Hey, uh-uh, you.” Stark had followed; for what reason, I knew not. “Whatever had you running out after Thor before… heh, that rhymed. Just um, hoping you aren’t up to anything.”

“You’re rather short, you know that?” This was my drunken retort. 

“Thanks, Grumpy Pale Giant. Look, I’m basically your landlord, so a little less asshole-ing and a little more cooperation is all I ask.”

“And you will have it. I swear to you on the great roots of Ygg-ygg… Yggdrasil that I have nothing planned. I’m simply going to bed.”

Stark squinted as though he may not believe my words, which subsequently, were true. Technically speaking. But as we shared a stare, he seemed to find no ill will within my gaze. That, however, was the lie. My will has always been ill, since my slighted abandonment at birth. 

Satisfied for the time, Stark left me to my devices where I undressed and sprawled out along the mattress. The evening had (mostly) distracted me from Thor and our argument. From his stupidity and the trap he had unwittingly spun for himself. Jane would reject him and break his heart, no doubt. In the morn, I was sure to play the part of collecting the broken pieces of my bumbling brother only to mend them together again. For all his idiocy, he would need me and I would be there. But for April Fools,’ revenge I would have.

“Why do you not listen, brother?” I mumbled in the darkness as the lights of New York City shown brightly below, like starlight glittering through space. I thought of the night sky in Asgard beyond my sweeping windows. A view for a prince to look out onto his realm, his people, his destiny. And through the wall did lie my brother with his identical view. Did he watch too? Were we spying upon the very same? These thoughts once soothed me in youth, though they bring sorrow to me now. And in that fuzzy night, they brought tears to my eyes as I mourned the loss of so very much. 

I remembered why I tend not to drink so heavily. I’m far too prone for such depressing and sentimental thoughts. Drink only opens the floodgates to feelings. 

I curled up in the darkness and prayed for swift sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ermahgerd, thank you for the kudos and comments thus far! <3


	4. April 1st — Lokkenfools’ Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lady Jane is a coward...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit short, so I'll post chapter 5 in tandem.

* * *

 

 

You may well wonder if gods experience hangovers. The answer is a resounding Yes. Now this depends on the god and the drink, but I happened to have one such hangover upon my waking. Now, I’m miserably grumpy in the morning by nature. Ask Thor and he will tell you to leave me be until well after the sun has hung itself in the sky for several hours. I need time to process the very idea of existence, to pack away the self-loathing, and hone the arrogance to a manageable level. After that, well, then it’s time to prepare my hair and that is another process having nothing to do with grumpiness… that is unless I am having a bad hair day. In that case, I would suggest you try me again tomorrow. 

The pounding within my skull refused sleep at all costs, so I decided to get up and request coffee from any Avenger who would be bothered by my presence. Mischief fuels me, if that is not already obvious. Wrapped in a blanket, I dragged my deathly self back to the lounge that started it all. The sun peered through the sweeping windows beautifully. Oh, the sight made me sick. I wasn’t prepared for beauty other than my own. But of course, I caught a glimpse of my ghastly pallor and sunken eyes through the mirrored wall behind the bar. What a beastly mess. 

“Coffee. I require coffee or very strong tea. The blackest that is available.” I spoke indiscriminately. Apparently, no one was there. “Bloody hell.” Somewhere behind rang footsteps down the hall. Oh, I knew those feet pittering and pattering away. Such hurry. It was as though _someone_ was shamefully walking to avoid detection. Well, love, my dear, you cannot slip past the trickster god. I can (without dampers) disappear, duplicate, transport, teleport, phase, shadow step, and shapeshift. My dear Lady, you’re just walking quietly. How quaint. 

I must have missed the odd couple’s arrival in my drunken melancholy, falling into a torturous sleep to dream of the fiery nidhogg chasing me through pits of lava into the Frey. Though I’m sure such nightmares are far better than overhearing the grunts of an oaf and shaky moans of a waif.

Through the mirrored wall, I spied upon her sorry steps toward the elevator. She pressed the call button. The doors opened. If I was to play a delicious prank on Thor, it was now or not at all. 

[Author’s Note: If the first step to any well polished plan is avoiding suspicion, the second is reconnaissance. Perhaps the third is think on your feet.]

My hand shot through the narrowing gap of the doors, causing them to jolt and retract. “Why Lady Jane of New Mexico; how fancy it is to meet you _here_. Of all places. In my thrice adoptive home.”

“Loki?” Her jaw dropped, though I’d been living there for quite some time. Perhaps my interruption was more the surprise, or perhaps she’s extremely rude and had forgotten. Either way, I climbed into the elevator after her.

“Apologies for my appearance and my sudden… appearance.” I grinned as the doors shut and the elevator traveled south. “How was your evening?”

“Fine.”

“Fine?”

“Good.”

“Good then?”

“Ugh, no. It was… well, last night was great, but this morning…” She ran a shaky hand through her hair and sighed. “I told him something and he didn’t take it well.”

“Oh? I was sure that he was going to tell _you_ something that _you_ wouldn’t take well.”

“Both really.” She shook her head. “Why am I telling you this?”

“I assume that you’re feeling ashamed and you’ve been keeping this little tryst a secret from your friends. You don’t value my opinion and what possible judgment of any consequence could I lay upon you? I’m Loki, so what’s to respect?” Upon my sword I did lie to gain her temporary trust. After you’ve been through as many torturous experiences as I, you learn that dignity is little more than currency to curry favor. “So tell me, what happened?”

The doors opened and we sat in the lobby as a new assistant hassled me with the usual rant. I assured that I was going nowhere and Lady Jane insisted all was well. How very desperate of her for a confidant. 

Jane twisted a scarf in her hands. “He said all the right things. It was sweet and all, but Thor and I… we can’t be together. It’s just not practical. He knows that.”

“He doesn’t, but go on.”

“He should know that. Besides, what about disappearing for two years? I’m not over that. Who could be over that? Sure, showing up and parting the rain is hot and all, but come on.”

“Oh, that does sound romantic.” Disgusting is more like it, but I was lying, remember.

“He’s wonderful when you can pin him down, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that pinning down a god is impossible.”

 _Tell that to Tony Stark_ , I thought. “So did you let him down gently or will I have a blubbering mess on my hands up there?”

“Well…”

“Well?”

“He was trying to make it official and I was trying to break it off completely.”

“So a blubbering mess then.”

“But he kept being sweet and then… he took off his shirt.”

“Lady Jane.” I took to my feet and swung the blanket over my shoulder. “Are you telling me that you didn’t actually break up with my brother, but instead you intended to leave him without an answer and refuse his calls to put an end to this dalliance?”

“Maybe. Depends on what a dalliance is.”

“Let me rephrase. Are you going to ‘ghost’ my brother?”

“You’re better with slang than he is.”

“I’m better at a great many things.”

Lady Jane blushed, but that wasn’t for her. “Look, I tried. I’ve tried a bunch of times to break this off. I didn’t really care before because of our past, but I feel like it’s just getting… mean.”

“Using Thor for his body while he falls deeper and deeper in love with you. Eventually, he’ll end up trying to bind hands with you and whatever will you do then?”

“Bind hands?”

“You would say… put a ring upon it, perhaps?”

“Oh, god. Can you talk to him?” asked the Lady Jane and I would have been insulted if it wasn’t for the fact that she’d given me the most beauteous of gifts. Her cowardice splayed before me like flowers upon a casket. So pretty and sad. She cared so very much and yet so very little to entrust this devastating task to the contemptible Loki. 

“You want me to break up with my brother for you?”

She nodded. 

“How shameful.”

“I know. I feel horrible about it.”

“Well, I will do this thing for you, but you must promise me one thing and owe me another.”

Her brow twitched with regret. I nearly moaned with pleasure playing my old games of bargain. Standing before her, a bit of a devil, wrapped in my auburn blanket with darkened eyes so bloodshot. A halo of black curls unkempt about my crown. I smiled a leering grin, tracing tongue along teeth. Oh, Loki was back.

“What do you want?” she said bitterly.

“First, you will promise not to return to Thor for the time being. His heart is far too plyable for your friendship right now. And the man was never good with separating sex from his emotions. I don’t think casual will ever be in the cards, m’lady.”

“I can promise you that. Next?”

“You will owe me a favor. Nothing too heady, but a favor in some far flung future that I may cash at any time.”

“Within reason.”

“Of course. I am a gentleman after all—”

“Loki, you’re definitely not a gentleman.”

“Well, I am _something_. That you must admit.”

“If you take advantage of me… I’ll…” She jumped to her feet, though her mouth came up empty. No wit or quip to follow. No threats upon my life. Oh, how I did miss those. 

“You’ll what?” I nearly cackled. “Never mind that. The favor will not be imposing or improper. I’m no demon, Lady Jane. I just want something for my troubles and you’ve nothing that I want in this moment.” 

It wasn’t long before she conceded. Her fear, nay cowardice, took precedence to caution and upon throwing it to the wind, she went on her way. The assistant at the front desk watched as I boarded the elevator, looking as weary as Lady Jane should have been during our conversation. I so do miss when the people of Midgard were fearful of me. Though I suppose the punchy Lady Jane hadn’t been particularly fearful of me from the start. It is that determinism and carelessness that Thor loved. I respected it. I liked how brash she could be, but now she was anything but. Leaving me to pick up her pieces. No matter. It was April Fools’ day. My holiday. Well, it should have been my holiday. 

[Author’s Note: I’ve been playing with Holiday names for some time with little in the way of luck. Obviously, it needs my name in it, but I’m just coming up blank. You know Thor has a day every week. Thursday. Thor’s day. Ugh. How unfair.]

I needed to see Stark before heading to Thor’s room. With luck, he would be by the bar. He was not, but he was on the terrace with coffee, so I procured my own cup from the carafe now full and met with him. The air was crisp and cool against my skin. The hum of the city rang on below. Stark swung around, lifting his shaded glasses then dropping them against the bridge of his nose. 

“Still alive, God of Drinks?”

“I have a knack for reclaiming death. But _your_ continued existence is truly impressive, Iron Mortal. How do you fair this morning?”

“You know, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how you guys talk. It’s like you’re in a play all the time. Or a Renaissance festival.”

“Forgive me for being proper.” I sipped my coffee to bite my tongue. No use ruining my chances before they’d begun. “I had a question. A request really.”

“You want the dampers down today because it’s your holiday and blah blah, sure. They’ve been down about 50% for a while actually.”

“What?” I could have kissed him and killed him in equal measure. What can I say; I’m a passionate being. I shut my eyes and reached for my seidr. The blockade was veil-thin. I could just reach out and push through, grab hold of the strands with my fingertips — tickle, pluck, and play. “There you are,” I whispered, focusing within. For my first feat, I rid myself of this contemptible hangover. For my second, I created a double on Stark’s right side. And for my third, I heated his coffee so that a single sip would burn him, but quickly thought better and chilled it. 

Stark screamed twice. Once spitting out coffee and second startling over my double beside him. 

“What the shit?!”

“An April Fool you are,” I announced with glee, returning his coffee to the appropriate temperature. “All fixed; I swear. Just a bit of innocent fun.”

“Okay, can you get rid of the other one? He’s just staring. It’s freaking me out. So…”

“My apologies.” 

“It’s fine, but don’t make me regret this.” 

“I assure you no foul play is afoot. I just… thank you for your honor despite my dubious past.” With that I disappeared my double and headed to Thor’s room, cloaking myself in a familiar shape and glamour: that of the Lady Jane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of your comments have done my icy tundra heart well! Thank you, thank you <3


	5. April 1st — Thor, Your Face is Raining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's prank is afoot! "Jane" tells Thor the last thing he'd ever expected to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry! Meant to post this earlier but life got in the way... as it does. Please enjoy <3

* * *

 

 

Let me begin by saying that I didn’t really have a plan. I was charged with letting my brother down gently but directly. Doing the work that Lady Jane had refused to do herself. No more leading the buffoon on and crushing his misguided aspirations. That was the business end of my morning’s work, but it was April Fools’ Day. I had to have at least a bit of fun, right? So with seidr at my fingertips and this glamour over my shapeshifted form, I set forth to… well, wing it. 

I tapped my freshly miniaturized knuckles against Thor’s guestroom door, swinging the blanket-now-scarf over my shoulder. Casting illusions that truncate the form isn’t the most comfortable feat. Imagine wearing a shoe made two sizes too small. Lady Jane is a great deal smaller than two shoe sizes, but the idea is clear. 

“Jane?” Thor answered the door with confusion and a smile, letting me (Jane) in and pulling me (Jane) into a warm embrace. We used to hug quite regularly, you know. It was odd then to feel such trappings when intended for another. “Why have you returned? Not that it’s bad. This is good surprise.”

I pouted, but stayed with those serious eyes Lady Jane threw around. Her irises stone cold. The light gone. “I forgot something…” I trailed off, pretending to look around the room for some forgotten trinket. Thor seemed to be watching me (Jane) with love in his eyes, arms crossed over his chest. Of course the man wore little. Sleeping shorts. He was alone and they'd been recently indisposed. I wondered if Lady Jane usually ogled him. Would I need to do so for my cover? I didn’t want to feign admiration of the golden, sculpted torso or those massive arms. Did he not garner enough attention already? Well, if I was playing the part of Jane breaking up with Thor, would my eyes really be wondering across his body? They shouldn’t. That would be silly. She’d be looking down with the weight of burden upon her brow. Yes, I would look down. 

“Did you now?” Thor approached again. “What did you forget?” This time those arms held tighter. Firm hands did roam along my (Jane’s) back. He seemed to think Lady Jane had returned for another _helping_ , nuzzling his itchy beard against my (Jane’s) neck. She must have enjoyed the feeling, so I moved in kind, melting into the sensation for a moment before pulling away. 

“I lied.”

“What do you mean?” Thor cocked his head, letting his hands settle along my (Jane’s) hips. Oh, how very awkward, though I must admit to doing much worse in these manipulative situations. Though not with Thor. Never with Thor. No. 

“We can’t keep doing this.” Thankfully, I was free to pull away from his grasp, finally. “I mean it this time.”

“Jane—”

“Look, it’s been great. It’s been fun, but I don’t want what you want.” 

“I know things have not been perfect, but I can prove to you—”

“No, Thor. There’s just too many reasons why this can’t work.”

He stepped back with furrowed brow and pain stricken across his face. The eyepatch strained against the skin and muscles around the socket as his expression twisted. I could feel the pain, anger, upheaval, and anguish stirring within him. But if not for me, how long would Lady Jane have let this go on? How much further would my brother have fallen for her? Tears had not yet begun to fill his lower lid, though the heat did swelter and build. The sky would dim soon, then the clouds and the rain would come. I feared for the burst of lightning and crack of thunder that were sure to follow. 

“What are they?” His voice was stern. For a moment, I had forgotten that he was talking to Lady Jane rather than chastising myself. “What are all these reasons?”

“I’ve gotta move on. What are we doing, really? If you’re really honest with yourself…”

“I am honest. Nothing makes me happier than spending time—”

“Don’t talk to me about time, Thor. You let years go by like it’s nothing. I’m not like you. I don’t have forever.”

“I’ve already apologized for that. What more do you want me to say?” The heavy grey clouds rolled in as Thor’s muscles tightened within his own grasp. “Tell me what you want to hear and you will have it.”

“It’s over. I…” My lips quivered and I swallowed deeply. You see, it isn’t easy to sell another’s feelings even with their face as your mask and their voice upon your lips. You must speak their words. You must be honest well enough to lie. “I love you. I really do, but this has to stop.”

“I see.” Thor leaned back against the desk beside the bed, having resorted to scowls and sighs. His eye remained dry for the time being. It took a great deal to drain tears from the thunderer. Maybe I had misjudged his affections, though I doubted such error in my perception. However, if I had been wrong, then Thor might well heal from this heartbreak rather quickly. And in that small place within my heart, or that frigid tundra hollow in my chest, my concern for Thor calmed. He would be alright and there would be no reason to pay Lady Jane a little visit myself. With a dagger. Perhaps two.

“Besides,” I said, ready to jump right into mischief seeing Thor’s even keel. No better time like the present. _It’s time, Loki. What’ve you got? Spin your words and plant your seed._ Without a proper prank planned, I opened my mouth and let the weave of words wander on their own. “It’s not like you don’t have anyone else on your mind.” 

“What? Whom do you mean?” Thor’s brow furrowed again. I could swear a spark drifted across the sky. 

“Do I really need to spell it out?”

“Yes, apparently so.”

“Look, I’m not judging, okay. Well, kinda, but… I mean, you two have this weird thing.”

“I don’t understand.”

“And since you got back, you talk about him… a lot.” Now this comment was a gamble as I had no idea whether Thor ever spoke of me to Lady Jane, but I placed my bets and hoped for Thor to question himself either way. 

“Who is this _him_ you speak of?”

“I’m just saying that it’s weird to move him in here and get him a job with Tony and go to all this trouble when he’s a crazy psycho who tried to take over the world.” It can be rather difficult playing the part of a woman who hates you, though at least I knew exactly what to say for her claims to ring true. (And for the record, I am not a crazy psycho. I am passionate and determined. Thank you.) 

“Are you talking about Loki?”

“Obviously.”

“And you think that I am preoccupied with him?” He dropped his head and seemed to withhold a chuckle. “Jane, are you jealous of my brother?”

“I most certainly am not.” Admittedly, that wasn’t a very good Jane impression. I cleared my throat and continued: “I’m saying that you… there’s something going on there that you need to figure out.”

“That’s silly.”

“Is it? You thought we were on track to getting back together.” Admittedly, that was harsh and also not a very good Jane impression. “Just forget it.”

“Wait, no.” Thor laughed, leaning forward and taking my (Jane’s) wrist as I headed toward the door. “You’ve got to tell me where you found this ludicrous idea.”

I stared at Thor’s hand gripping my wrist, though it wasn’t my wrist. Jane’s dainty limbs were terribly small and constricting. I’d been warped into her shape for quite a while in close quarters. I could hold on, but I’d be rather sore after this. 

Thor’s thumb circled along my (Jane’s) skin. He smiled at me from his casual lean against the desk. If I’d been standing at my normal height, I could look down upon him. What should I say? How to convince him that he was secretly holding a candle for his villainous brother? 

“There’s this thing you do… I’ve only seen you do it to me and Loki. That’s what got me paying attention.” Pulling my arm from his gentle grip, I cupped his neck and ran my thumb along his bearded jawline. My digit did linger there, then slid up to rest against his cheek. The haughty look in his eyes cooled once more. Steely. One eyebrow shot up and the other rested along the edge of his eyepatch. “And then you get close,” I whispered, leaning in. “So close.” I let my breath go, lingering in the short space betwixt us, praying that Thor would not take this engagement as a proposition. Once the thought occurred, I could no longer still the tension. I dropped everything and pulled away. The veil breaking and crashing to the floor. “See?”

“Ah.”

“It’s weird.” I forced calmness over my senses, shaking the heat from my cheeks. Yes, jötnar do blush on occasion. 

“It’s not weird. I do that all the time. To everyone.”

“Everyone?” I couldn’t keep the charade much longer. Lady Jane’s tiny frame was threatening to suffocate me. “Look, I’m not gonna he said, she said with you. I gotta go. Maybe we can talk some other time, but for now, I need space.”

Thor reached for me (Jane) again, but I slipped away, escaping not so pitifully down the hall. I prayed that Thor would not follow as I made way for a blindspot in Stark’s surveillance system. (Yes, he has them. He is not perfect.) I pulled the seam of seidr thread holding me within the glamour and shape, bursting back into form as though I’d pulled off a corset. 

“One, two, three… Thor,” I mumbled under my breath, waiting just long enough to feign my own passing with Lady Jane on my way to… wherever. Thor wouldn’t ask, so it wasn’t part of the lie I need worry crafting. The automatic door had slid shut by then, so I knocked, making sure not to knock as softly as I had with my disguise. 

“What?” barked Thor from within. Alright, so he was in a mood. Clearly. Fine. 

“It’s me. Don’t be rude.”

The door slid open. “What?” he repeated, hanging his head in the doorway. “Here to gloat?”

“Whatever would I gloat about?”

“I don’t know. I figured that you heard or listened in. You are a crafty, nosy, weasel of a man.”

It was at that point that I noticed pink cheeks and the glistening stain of tears. “You’re crying.”

“Am not.”

“Alright, then your face is raining.”

“Probably. Maybe it’s a new power. I get those all the time.” He bit at his nail and leaned against the jamb. “Can I ask you something?”

“Only if I get to ask what happened between you and the small woman who stormed out of here. Also, you should apologize for the weasel comment, you boar rutting goblin.” Yes, that was immature. Sue me. 

Thor recounted the scene as I returned to his room. He did not lie or mince words, a more valiant sort than myself. Though I was surprised he didn’t elevate his part in the least. I supposed that we had all been through so very much then, what point did he see in hiding behind falsehood. I, however, never hang up weapons at any time during battle. You never know what may be useful in times of strife. I perched upon the desk and Thor sat upon the bed, running his hands across the sheets. Presumably to remember Lady Jane’s presence. Oh such romance and sentiment; I could have been sick. 

“I just don’t know where that came from. Maybe she wanted a scapegoat?” He shrugged. 

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time I’d been used as such.” I grinned, though it pained me. So I turned to jest. “You know, I did wonder why she shouted, ‘You can have him,’ over her shoulder.” 

“Don’t be daft,” he said. “Wait, did she really say that?”

“What’s bothering you so much? Why do you care what she thinks?”

“Do other people see it too? Do they think… what do they think?” Thor turned in panic as if looking over his shoulder. “It’s impossible, you know. You’re my brother!”

“Sort of.”

“Well, you aren’t my type, anyway.”

“Don’t get personal, brother. I may be an acquired taste, but I can literally become anyone’s type.” It took a great deal of willpower not to shapeshift or cast a glamour again. _Don’t give up your cover, Loki. He doesn’t know the dampers are down._

“You know what I mean.” He huffed and fell back on the bed. “It’s just ridiculous. She wanted to break up, fine. I am not so unreasonable that I would forbid her leave and protest. Why this accusation?”

“No idea.” I sighed thoughtfully, for effect. “Perhaps she believes it to be true.”

“It is not.”

“You really do put your hands on me quite often.”

“Because you oft run away.” He laughed, but the joy fell to pieces as each sound drifted through him. Notes of happiness strewn along the floor. He would thank me later. I had saved him from heartbreak with this silly distraction. My prank was actually working out for the both of us. In a roundabout way, I was doing him a favor. He would toil all day, confused, considering all impossibility and probability of romantic affection toward his brother; swathed in suffering, torment, and turmoil; questioning his morality and worthiness; and then at the perfect moment, I would spring the truth upon him. Except… did Thor know of April Fools’ Day? Dammit! By the Norns of Nine, Tyr’s tears, and Odin’s dry eye socket! How could I have overlooked such a crucial piece to my puzzle? I was mischief rusty, to be sure. 

“Wait a second, Thor. Have you heard of April Fools’ Day?”

“I have not.”

“It’s a holiday filled with pranks.”

“It should be named for you then.”

“I completely agree, but most unfortunately, it is not. However, what if Lady Jane is playing one of these pranks upon you?”

“Do you think so?” Thor rolled to his side and traced circles in the sheets. “That’s an odd joke; I really don’t understand.”

“She’s an odd woman.”

“But why would she want me toiling over such a thing? To love me, to let my heart down gently, and then this?”

“What is there to toil if you aren’t in love with your brother?” 

“What worries me is the conclusion. Is this the plain and obvious assumption? I do not venture through my past to question myself. Has my warm touch confused anyone else?”

“That Ted Daniels man downstairs seemed rather confused.”

“I do not fancy him.”

“No, by us. Idiot.”

“Are you confused?” Thor shot to his feet and took my shoulders in his hands, but only for the briefest of moments. There it was—the turmoil. The questioning. I could hardly repress my giddiness. He stepped back and folded his arms, the fear of his own touch ever-mounting. “Do my affections… Are they untoward?”

“How foolish. You’re a touchy one and I’m irresistible. Simple as that.”

“And Jane thinks me preoccupied with you. Does she believe my poor performance as a suitor is a result of this… this… what would you even call it?”

“Thor,” I said, slipping down from my seat upon the desk and wiggling my way into his focus. His eye had drifted, straining to avoid me. “You worry too much.”

“You must admit this is a difficult bit to bite.”

“I’m used to the judgment of others and well aware that few think good things of me. Though this may be new to you, do not allow these ideas to ruin your usual… arrogance.” I grinned coyly.

Thor returned to his seat upon the bed and I followed, assertively if not a bit aggressively, standing before him. Our feet at odds. Our knees nearly touching, but the fabric of our seidr did brush in the balance. I could feel it, but could he? A marvelous static clung to quickening. Thor seemed frozen there. His mind in disorder as he questioned every interaction betwixt us. The space was small and the pressure far too great. If I held cruel intentions, I could have pushed him beyond the edge; however, this was but a mere prank. Jest and nothing more. 

With my hands steadied upon his shoulders (ever so tight with tension), I asked in an even tone, “Thor. Do you love me in any un-brotherly fashion? Does my rare touch excite you? This proximity, does it thrill you? Even now, do you struggle to keep your hands to yourself?”

“Loki?”

I dropped my hands and stepped back. “If you’re questioning yourself only now that Lady Jane has brought this up, I doubt you have anything to worry about, brother.” The disturbance had done its job. Thor was speechless other than that little droplet of my name. He remained unmoved upon the bed as I made my way toward the door. I lingered a bit, just in case my veil fell away. But Thor did not summon me nor bid my return. He sat quietly with his distraction. 

“I shall return with jam and bread. You should not mope without breaking yester-evening’s fast.” Bidding my leave, the grin rose upon my face in the safety of the hall. Oh, silly Thor was ever so confused. Did everyone believe him in love with me? Were all eyes on him, filled with questions? What did this mean? I could have collapsed in laughter upon the ground right then if it weren’t for composure’s sake and the possibility of getting caught. 

In the kitchen, adjacent the lounge, Lady Natasha picked at a dish of eggs and meat. That would have been quite nice to serve my lovelorn and confused brother. 

“Good morn, Lady Natasha. Are there more of these aliments or need I prepare another serving for myself and the Mighty Oaf?”

She cocked her head at me. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re… chipper.” She pointed at me with her fork. Rude. “When are you ever chipper?”

“You lot do not know me very well with all due respect. I oft laugh and joke and smile. My grin is famous, or rather was famous, upon Asgard.”

“You’re up to something.”

“Is there ever a moment when you do not suspect me of mischief?”

“No.” She took a plate from the cabinet of the stark white kitchen and set it down upon the marble. 

“And if you suspected nothing for too long, I’m sure that would be concerning.”

“Yes.”

“Well, then is this not normal?” I thanked her for the plate and helped myself with the remaining aliments upon the stove. “By the way, are you feeling well?”

“I’m fine.”

I could sense the hangover upon her brow. A minor headache, but I could use it to sway her favor, if not just a little. With a wary hand, I traced the lines that would release the tension in her head. Thankfully, I need not touch her for this work, otherwise there’d be no getting near the Black Widow. 

Hey eyes widened — first with childish glee, then with typical suspicion. “How did you do that?”

“Stark lifted the dampers.”

“And your magic does more than cause destruction?” She laughed as though that jab was humorous in any way. Rude. 

“Magic is a tool. It is as Thor’s hammer may build or destroy. At times, both functions are needed. But any sorcerer worth their salt knows that to be competent in such works means the power to construct existence from nothingness as much as the power to dissect the structure of reality. Creation and destruction are not opposites, neither is one good and the other evil. The tool depends upon the task. I have destroyed your headache, and I would argue, that was a good thing.”

“I didn’t ask you for a magic pain reliever and I especially didn’t ask for a speech.”

“Once you get to know me, you’ll find that I offer up much and little is asked for.”

“Wonderful.” Lady Natasha sighed. Her expression clearly requested that I leave or she would. 

Once again, rude.

 

~~~

 

“Would you join me?” asked Thor. Not to me, but to Doctor Bruce Banner, the man who grows into a massive monster when agitated too thoroughly. Though I had brought him his meal and shared a kind moment, the awkwardness of the accusation did not allow my brother to relax. It was as though he had begun to consider the possibility. How very hilarious!

I followed them, of course, to the lab where Bruce preferred to spend his time. He admitted that his mind was much better suited for distraction. Emotions could be avoided when his scientific intellect was in constant use. To remain in a plain white room surrounded by equipment was calming. He could not remember the last incident of accidental transformation and I was glad for it. 

“You alright, Thor? You seem kinda… I don’t know.” Bruce rolled up his sleeves and took a seat upon a stool, offering another to my brother. If you are wondering, I had disguised as a snake, taking to the corners. Thor sat down, the full heft of his Asgardian density weighing down the room. “Are you depressed?”

“I know not this feeling, Banner.”

“I’m not really good with feelings. Maybe one of the other—”

“No, Banner. You are best with discretion and lack the harshness of judgment.”

“Why does that make me worried?” He cleared his throat. “I can be pretty judgmental, you know. Maybe you should talk to… literally anyone else.”

“Why are you shaken so?”

“Because, man, I— Asgardian problems, space drama… it’s so much heavier than our Earth stuff.”

“Worry not. These are Earthly dealings.” Thor forced a dumb smile, though his charming smile had always been dumb. I slithered behind a row of monitors to get closer without being seen. “You see, this morning, Jane put an end to our time together.”

“Oh, man, I’m sorry.” Bruce patted Thor on the shoulder. “Getting dumped sucks.”

“No. Psh, she didn’t dump me. It was mutual.” The idiot forced an expression that cried: I can’t be bothered; I’m in complete control. Oh, he was bothered alright. 

“But you just said… never mind. So you two called it quits.”

“Yes, it is very regrettable. That alone leaves me pained, but she mentioned something worrisome that I dare not ask lightly.” He groaned. “It’s weird.”

“Is this the part you want my discretion for? Because I’m still not sure why you’re only trusting me with a breakup. The other Avengers wouldn’t judge you for getting dumped.”

Thor frowned. Thankfully, snakes cannot laugh. 

“She thinks I’m in love with another.”

“Oh?”

“And that person is Loki.”

“What?!” Bruce chuckled before biting back his laughter. “I mean, that’s crazy, right?”

“I thought so too. But she did comment on our dynamic.”

“The way he tries to kill you?”

“Our… physical interactions.”

“Oh.” Bruce seemed to know exactly what Thor referred to, falling into a reel of memories. It is that hand on the neck thing that Thor insists upon, I bet. Always caressing! Whomever taught him such gestures? Sliding his thumb along the jawline, pressing his forehead against mine. Lingering. Meeting me within inches of my face. Holding me there as we gaze into each other’s eyes. It is massively and maddeningly weird! Bruce nodded and let out a sigh. “Okay, I can kinda see that.”

“You can? Is it so plain? Do others find us strange?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but everyone has always found you strange.”

“Even you?”

“You’re an alien god with lightning magic! You can’t get any stranger.”

“I suppose I can understand that.” Thor poked at a paperclip upon the table. Tiny sparks tapped the paperclip as it began to rise. Stray paperclips crept toward it, clinging and taking hold. “But have you ever suspected something odd between my brother and me?”

Bruce wrung his hands, eyes marveled by the display. “I never thought about it that way, but I haven’t spent a lot of time around you two, so I’m probably not the guy to ask.”

“What about on the Statesman?”

“Sorry, I kept to myself a lot trying to figure Hulk stuff out. I’m still trying to piece it all together.”

“My apologies, Banner.” He forced a grin and pointed. “You’re my favorite.”

“Now don’t start again.” He turned away for a moment, then wiped back around. His lips curled as though an unfortunate thought had sprung up and he could not will it away. “Why are you so worried about this?”

“Why would I not be worried?”

“Well, if your relationship isn’t like that, then it doesn’t really matter. I don’t know why Jane said that, maybe she was mad, but I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.”

“Thank you, friend.” Thor stood. 

“Out of curiosity, what did Loki say?”

“Why do you assume that I have told Loki?”

“Uh, I don’t know.”

Thor sighed with a thick and heady swell. “He said as much as you… but in his own way. His bizarre way.”

I wanted to change shape, pounce, and stab Thor in his other eye. I did not, but I wanted to. 

[Author’s Note: As I am a seidrmadr ( a.k.a. seidr wielder) and you are not, mortal reader, I would like to take a moment to explain the difference between shapeshifting and glamour. Officially speaking, shapeshifting is a far more complicated process that completely alters the shape of a caster into another form. This means your existence is altered. I am not a man trapped in the veil of a snake, rather, I am now a snake. My existence is that of a snake’s existence… to a certain extent. I am still myself, but as a snake. Shapeshifting is a limited function because the caster cannot just become any nameless object. I’ve been turning into a snake since before your people began bathing regularly for health purposes. It is part of me. A true shape for me. Now, when it comes to glamour, I can put any old mask on, but it lacks authenticity. I could change my clothing with glamour, but if you removed a swatch, the fabric would return as it has not been altered from within. My stint as Jane, however, was something in between. I could not risk Thor seeing through my glamour, so I shifted my shape into my maiden form and bound her tightly into Jane’s extra petite form. Imagine putting on a body shaper before your body con dress. It just keeps everything in the right place.]

Thor dropped his head, attempting to explain my alleged bizarreness to Bruce. “He almost seemed to flirt, but I know it was merely to upset me. Loki does enjoy his games.”

“Is that what they are?” Bruce shook his head. “Well, don’t let him get to you, especially today.”

“Especially today?”

“It’s April Fools’ Day, so—”

“Aye, he mentioned that.” With a thoughtful nod, Thor thanked Bruce for his patience and took his leave. I slithered through the air vents, returning to my room unseen, spiraling back into my usual form, though feeling in need of refreshment. I retired to the bath and cleansed myself properly, thinking of ways to further upset my confused brother. Did he think I was flirting? Did he find my actions vexing? There was far more where that came from. I’ve always been one to flirt and tease, to carve sensuality and suggestion into my words, to leave curiosity ringing in ears and dancing upon tongues; imagination being the playground of the coward. 

All day long, I aimed to meddle. As we passed each other in the hall, I left haughty grins in Thor’s wake. My eyes traced him as though noticing his inciting form for the first time, all in play for Thor to notice my noticing. He did blush. He did turn away. He did pretend to be wholly unaffected by my actions and Jane’s (my) suggestion. For a trickster, this fueled my cold and dark soul. I felt a happiness well within me that had not been there in ages. Turning Thor into a frog or tricking him into picking up a snake or black cat then shifting back and stabbing him… those were small pranks compared to this fine tapestry woven. I had shaken my brother to his core. The man knew himself better than most, or at least thought himself to, and with these questions transforming him into a blushing bilgesnipe over a boar… not only had I reclaimed my edge, it was fine tuned. 

Also, I don’t believe that phrase makes much sense outside of Asgardian tales and it’s not really the most appropriate. Let’s just say he blushed as a young maiden upon her coming of age day. 

 

~~~

 

“What are you doing here?” I asked. Thor had pounded his heavy, brutish fist upon my door because the god never learned to knock like a gentleman. 

“Now who’s being rude?”

“Don’t bang on my door. What do you want?” Time had long since passed upon retiring, and though I was surprised to see him, it would be less work for me to fasten the final pin in my prank. To announce him an April Fool and win the honor of duping my brother into believing the most ridiculous of falsehoods. The fly had wandered into my web of his own volition. I should have known with all that feigned flirting, the oaf would approach my chambers in the evening. How scandalous. 

“It’s been quite the day. Awkward to say the least,” he said.

“And now you’re at my door in the late hours for what exactly?”

“I thought we might talk and put this silliness behind us.”

“In my room? But I’ve no chaperone.”

“Loki.” Thor laughed, looking calm once more. Was he truly over this ruse so soon? “I’ve brought pudding as a peace offering.”

“What kind?”

“Custard cake.”

How dare he bring one of my favorites. “You felt the need to buy your way into my chambers?”

“Do you want the cake or not, Loki?”

I welcomed Thor into my room with great reluctance, feeling the grasp upon my prize waning as we sat upon my green sheets and peeled the wrappings away from the sweets. It smelled of vanilla, honey, and sugar. I know not where my love of confectionery originated, but I’m often thankful for growing up in Asgard over Jotunheim, as they don’t have pastry or pudding there. A world without such perfect treats is hardly a world. 

I folded my legs beneath and pulled my hair over one shoulder so as to allow for no barrier between my mouth and the cake. Thor took a single fork from his pocket (a questionable location for cutlery) and set it beside the cake. The sugar sparkled in the glint from my desk lamp. Why hadn’t we sat back at my desk? Why the bed?

“You’ve only one fork? Is this all for me?” I asked.

“Can we not share?” Thor’s voice was warm and thick. I didn’t like it, in the sense that I very much did. Oh, no. Oh, what had I done? Did my prank backfire, leaving Thor twisted into the shape of a man in love with his brother? Bringing cakes to his brother’s door with nary a fork to share betwixt them. Oh, sure we had shared utensils in the past, but out of necessity. This was intentional. Stark Tower must have had thousands of forks within. Why one? Why the smallest, cutest dessert fork in the entire galaxy? 

I folded my arms and demanded: “What do you want?”

“I told you.”

“I refuse to believe you have no ulterior motives.”

“Everyone isn’t prone to mischief, brother.” His smile was smooth and wide and kind.

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

I didn’t know what I wanted for him to stop doing, but I knew that he needed to stop. The idiot asked if he had done something wrong, dropping his head in worry and concern. When had he ever acted so loving toward me? Oh, no. Oh, had I really seduced my brother in jest? What fresh pit of freezing Hel was this?

“You’re right, Loki.”

“Excuse me?”

“Take a bite first and I’ll explain.”

“What have you done to the cake?”

“Nothing, but you may anger and throw the cake, then you will not taste it.”

Why did he care whether I’d tasted the cake? For my enjoyment? He didn’t want my poor attitude to ruin my opportunity at cake. 

 _That sounds far too much like love._ _Loki, stay sharp. You may need to stab and run._

I took the fork and quickly shoveled a bite into my mouth, hoping to quicken the moment. Of course the cake was delectable. Light and airy with the creamy custard filling roping around my mouth as it dissolved upon my tongue.  

“Do you like it?” he asked gently. 

I nodded, but did not speak, deciding to eat rather than argue. Or perhaps the cake was just that good. Or perhaps… 

“I do have another reason to be here.” Thor forced his way into my waning eye contact, the goon. I rolled my eyes and popped the fork from my mouth, hoping he’d get on with it on his own. “I fear that Jane may have been onto something.”

“Do you? You’re wrong about a great many things, brother.” Emphasis on _wrong_ and _brother_. 

“I don’t agree with her completely. But maybe one of us…” he cleared his throat and placed that damnable hand upon my neck, pressing upon the muscles, massaging me into a lumpy lull. “Maybe one of us has feelings for the other.”

“What are you suggesting?” I tried to bat his hand away, but had little motivation to do so. Those grasps feel quite good. “Do not be coy. Speak.”

“Do you love me in any un-brotherly fashion?” His words mirrored my own so many hours before. His eyes kind but concerned. How dare he throw all this back onto me? 

“You’re mad.”

“I’m only asking. You’ve strutted about flirtatiously all day. I see the way you look at me. I hadn’t noticed it before—”

“When am I _not_ flirtatious? And looking at you… that was merely a joke. A prank even.”

“Which is it? Are you always flirtatious or just joking?” Thor dipped his finger in the custard and licked it from his finger in some sort of semi-seduction. Chasing the cream with his tongue. Oozing sensuous noises. Sucking his finger and pulling it from his mouth with a pop. “That’s you. That’s what you do.”

“Is not!”

“Isn’t it though?”

“Sorry that I’m just naturally alluring.”

“You’ve yet to answer.”

“No, _Thor_. I do not love you in any un-brotherly fashion.” I handed the fork over and folded my arms. “We aren’t even really brothers.”

“Why do you mention that?”

“Shut up. I didn’t mean anything.”

“Well,” Thor straightened up and took a bite. He hummed as he locked his lips. “That’s quite good.”

“It is. Thank you for the cake.”

We didn’t speak for a moment. The tension built until I could no longer hold onto my impending failure. I needed to turn this disaster around. “I know what it is.”

“Hmm?” he mumbled through another bite. 

“You’re arrogant. You were raised to believe that you are the most glorious man in all the realms, that your strength and beauty could not be rivaled. So naturally, you’re pitted with this dilemma and its me. My fault. I’m the depraved one pulling your focus away with my sick love.”

“Loki, why do you say this?”

“Because I, too, was raised to believe that _you_ are the most glorious man in all the realms, that my strength and beauty could not rival yours. My existence supports you and nothing more. So naturally, how could you have fallen for this lesser god?” My emotions had spun away from me. For a moment, I understood what it must feel like to be the Hulk. When I lose control of my heart, I am no longer in charge of my fate. The strings that I pull tighten and I lose grip. My focus falters and I am falling. And before I know it, my eyes dart and tear, red rings form for all to see. The weak Odinson. The boy who cries. The seidr wielding princess. It all rushes forth as I search for Thor to see me. I can’t hold back my tears just as I cannot hold my tongue. 

“Loki, wait. Stop—”

“What should I wait for? Are you afraid of what I might say next? That I may lie or perhaps, far worse, I will tell the truth?”

“Stop before you say something you don’t mean.” Thor took the last bite of cake and held it before my mouth. To my surprise, he did not force it down my throat. Instead, he waited. And most obediently, I opened my mouth, taking the cake and fork between my lips and pulling back. The fork left empty. My mouth left full. Then Thor leaned in close, so close that I feared he may kiss me, and spoke: “April Fools’.”

All bets were off then. I pulled a blade from beneath my pillow and tackled Thor, pressing the edge to his throat well enough to feel the warning without breaking skin. He laughed as he struggled, managing the strain of my grip, allowing me to pin him, but refusing to be killed. This was Thor’s way. Always _letting_ me get away with more than I deserved, but never dying. No, I couldn’t kill the man though he liked to let me believe I could. 

“You are the worst, you cruel, contemptuous, idiot!” I shouted through the last of my pathetic tears.

“I’m no worse than you.” Thor grunted, pulling my arm down and the point of my dagger away from his throat. “Flirting with your brother just to get a reaction. Who does that?”

“You stole my April Fools’!” I screamed. 

“You’re beyond mad!” Thor flipped us over in one impossible motion that I cannot explain and didn’t understand even as it happened. My dagger stayed, aimed at his throat, but now I had no upper hand, if you could consider that I ever had any at all. “You admit it then, that you would tempt me?”

“How could I tempt you with something you do not desire to begin with?”

“Do you wish me to desire you?”

“You… You—” I groaned from deep within my gut. We’d be there until the next Ragnarok at this rate. “This is the worst prank either of us has ever pulled.”

“I think…” Thor sat up and relented his grasp, still atop me. “Maybe this is what Jane meant.”

“Oh?” I had almost forgotten that Thor was none the wiser of my glamorous manipulation. 

“This may not be normal for siblings.” His head dropped again. “Why would we go to such lengths?”

With his determination gone, I calmed and reclaimed a hopeful smile. There remained a chance that I could turn all this around.

“Let us move forward, Thor. You’re upset over your break up. I’m frustrated because I’ve been trapped in this place longer than I care to admit.” I reached up and wiped a bit of custard from his brow. How had it even gotten there? “So let’s fix this. We shall go out on the town.”

Thor, probably realizing that he was still straddling my waist, climbed down and took a seat at my desk. “I don’t know…” 

“Do you not trust me well enough to go out dancing? I will be your wingman. Or if that doesn’t work, wingwoman.”

Somehow these words broke through the melancholy that had risen over my brother. Our complication of arguments never deterred us from the connection we shared. For all my contempt and hate, the love for my brother is unquestionable. Even though I hated to show it or admit that it remained after all this time and pain, it was clear as the jade of my aesir eyes. As sure as Thor’s grip upon Mjolnir. But this definite and eternal truth came with a great cost as it tore at my pride and left me feeling vulnerable, pathetic, and unremarkable. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thxxx ever so much for continued support. All the kudos and comments... y'all I can't even with the <3


	6. April 2nd — Tools for Fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the prank is foiled, a new prank must be set to trap the oafish fool that is Thor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot even with your support thus far. You're all so kind and beautiful. <3

* * *

 

 

I do believe that Stark had a problem with partying or perhaps alcohol. Though I’d like to say he held a soft spot for me and wished my integration into society sooner rather than never, I feel it far more certain that Stark (whom I will now refer to as Tony at his insistent behest) just wanted an excuse to go out. 

Lady Pepper made her way through the office as Tony followed her, spitting out reasons for trusting me. “Just for the night. Thor really needs it. He’s sick about the whole… what was her name?”

“Jane. Dr. Jane Foster,” said Lady Pepper with a steely gaze.

“She’s a doctor? Wow, Thor messed that one up.”

“She works for S.H.I.E.L.D. How do you not— Do you read any of my memos?”

I stepped directly into their path, straightening my tie and throwing one of my perfect winning smiles their way. “Afternoon. I did notice that you seem to be rushing about. Could I be of assistance?”

“Loki, I’m sure you mean well, but… you’re here so that… um…” Lady Pepper stuttered. She was direct, but careful with her words. 

“You mean to say that I’m here as a courtesy. You’re babysitting me in hopes that I won’t destroy Manhattan. Well, guess what, I’ve already crossed that off my bucket list, so would you allow me to file those?” Without awaiting an answer, I pulled the papers from her hands and vanished them. “Shadow filing! Do you love it? Such a horrible waste of the Vanir art of shadows, but you see how willing I am to degrade myself for your favor.”

“Wait, how is he using magic? Tony, why does he have magic?”

“Oh, right.” Tony gave me a side angled smirk and shrugged. He’d forgotten to switch the damper back to 100%. “He won a bet.”

“Seriously?” 

“Might I reclaim this conversation? My usage of seidr, magic if you will, is so relatively minor. I will not, cannot conjure or mind control or shapeshift or any number of things that could lead to danger.” This was a lie, but protecting Tony from Lady Pepper’s wrath seemed to be beneficial for further trust down the road. I punctuated this with a kind grin.

“Okay, Loki, I’m listening.” Lady Pepper forced a neutral smile onto her face and stood straight and proper. She reminded me greatly of dignitaries from Alfheim. It took much to refrain from bowing in kind. That would have been too much, even for me. 

“I have no reason to enact ill upon Midgard. If you do remember, I did not act of my own accord. Had you all met me before Thor’s botched coronation, you would have liked me.” My smile weakened for a moment, then returned. “I would like to take Thor out for a night of pleasure—”

“Word choice was a little weird there,” said Tony. 

“You know what I mean!” I cleared my throat, forcing back calm. “I mean that I would like to take my brother for a night of enjoyment that may distract him from his heartbreak. And maybe break up the constant overcast and drizzling.” It had only been two days of inclement weather, if you could even call it that, but I could promise a great deal more and a great deal worse if necessary.  

“Fine.” Lady Pepper nodded then continued on her way as if she hadn’t just agreed to send a criminal out on the lamb. Tony and I followed behind in disbelief. “I said okay. Do you want me to change my mind?”

“Of course not, but why?”

“You’re right. Besides, Tony isn’t going to leave your side and you’ve got the magic dampers. Turn them back up, Tony.” Lady Pepper headed off smartly with the last word, leaving Tony to nod dumbly. A power move I could respect.

“Wasn’t expecting that at all.” Tony rubbed his forehead. “Did you do something?”

“Dampers.” I lifted my wrists to show off the sleek Stark Tech bracelets that hung there. “You lowered them enough for telekinesis, not telepathy.”

“How much do you hate me for those things?”

“It varies from moment to moment.”

“Well, that’s unsettling.” Tony pointed at an intern and pantomimed a cup of coffee. “So _I’m_ gonna go and reset the dampers. You should probably get back to your desk.” With near magical proficiency, the intern had gone and returned with coffee. “What do you do here again?”

“You placed me in the design department.”

“Is that why the new line is coming out with black and green options?”

“Do you have to ask?”

Tony snickered and waved as he bid leave to go be Tony Stark someplace else. I returned to my desk in quite the huff, though I had gotten what I wanted, something just didn’t feel right. I was shaken from within. Why was my chest tight? Why were my limbs moving out of rhythm? The myths of Ancient Midgard told of earthquakes erupting from the steps of giants. There I was, a giant (sort of) and trembling from within.

With a groan, I returned to the design department and took my seat. It was a brightly lit, neo-modern, futuristic, hi-tech wonderland where any Midgardian might commit murder to find themselves employed. But _my_ placement compulsory and feverishly unearned. It thrilled me, even that much, to bring such frustration to my colleagues. It was mischief just coming into work. How lovely. But the position itself held the shameful and embarrassing quality of being employed solely to be watched. Thor warned them about keeping me locked up in the tower with nothing to do. I go batty and I become curious about chaos and the propensity of the world to go up in flames. 

I shared my desk (because I couldn’t very well have my own and sharing ensures optimal babysitting security). Collective eye roll, if you please. They’d found a desk mate enchanted with a truth seeking ability. In short, I could not convince her with any lie, ever. Do believe that I have tried to stump her and tired completely. As soon as I sat down that day and sighed, she sensed something awry. 

“What is it?” Verity asked — more so demanded. She had that commanding sort of presence. At least I like that sort of thing. Red hair, sharp glasses, dark makeup, and several tattoos—she wasn’t the typical office Cathy (there were at least three on that floor alone: Cathy, Kathy, and Cathie). If it wasn’t for my being a god powerful beyond her comprehension, I may have hated her for her impeccable style alone. Add the mental gifts? Ugh, I suppose I do hate her just a touch.

“Could you not ask? I much prefer omitting information.”

“You’ve _been_ omitting information.”

“So?”

“So, I wanna know what’s going on with you.”

The seidr still beneath my grasp swelled as I ran my nails across it, then with a swift ball of my fist, all the paper and pens flew from my desk in one pathetic explosion of frustration. 

“That’s a tad dramatic, don’cha think?” 

I loosened the taunt strands and the items returned to their place in perfect order. 

“Okay, legit… that was pretty cool. So are you gonna tell me or what?”

I didn’t want to tell her, but at the same time, I needed to tell _somebody_. Anyone. Though I’d burned all my bridges and Verity might as well have been the closest thing I had to a friend (if you don’t count Thor and I never count Thor). My hands toiled and twisted together as I struggled to form the words I craved to speak. “Have you ever pulled a prank that backfired and now you can’t get over it because there’s no way to reclaim your prank?”

“Huh?” 

“And it’s grown out of its cage and you will never get it back inside.” I broke my pen by mistake, then distracted myself attempting to rebuild it despite the heavy veil over my seidr. (Tony had certainly dialed up the damper setting, but not completely. Perhaps if have an ally in him yet.)

“You have the weirdest way of explaining things.” 

“Yes, well… I played an April Fools’ prank on my brother, but it did not go to plan. If you want any more information, then I require your eternal silence.” 

Verity nodded. 

“Fine. It’s quite funny, really.” I explained my impersonation, the trap I’d set for Thor, and his reverse prank. She nodded without expression, only listening to my tale. “So now my reveal is ruined and there’s no good way to hit him with the punchline. And do not forget that I must retaliate for his assumption that I would ever have feelings for him.”

“Do you?” Verity crossed her arms and rolled her chair in my direction. 

“What? Why are you asking me that? Did you not hear my tale?”

“Yeah, great yarn. Are you into your brother?”

“No!”

“So then why would you try to convince him that he’s in love with you?”

“You must not understand the joke. Maybe it’s a Migard-Asgard thing.”

“Is it though?” She turned away, clicking at her keyboard for a moment before returning her attention to yours truly. “Because it kinda seems like—”

“You’d know whether I was lying. Am I lying?”

“Not to me. But maybe to yourself.” 

I stared at her gape-mouthed and far more offended than I had been in ages. Do recall that my father once told me the only reason for my stayed execution was my mother’s love. 

[Author’s Note: Might I additionally remind you that after my late mother’s murder, my partial responsibility for said murder, my escape from prison, and commission of treason, I would have been executed had I returned to Asgard alive. I knew this and went forward anyway. For mother. For Thor. I thought myself dead, but when I did not remain as such, how dare I be blamed for stealing the throne in secret! Let’s all just give Odin a round of applause for his A+ parenting, shall we?]

Verity dipped her head and spied at me over her glasses. She did not speak and that was far worse than her repeated accusation. Instead, she seemed to wait for my admission to this utter falsehood. Or perhaps, she wished that I would protest so that she may mock my protestations as statements made with far too much vigor.

“What?” I asked. 

“What?” she said. 

“I asked you first.”

“Hey, Loki, I’m not judging.”

“I’m not in love with—” I paused as an intern passed by giving us gossip glares. I leaned forward and dropped to a whisper. “I am not in love with Thor. That is the most preposterous thing I have ever heard in my nearly fifteen hundred years of life.”

Verity’s expression did not budge. 

“I have nothing to prove to you, _m’lady_. Not one thing. I simply require your assistance in reclaiming my prank.”

“You’re supposed to claim your April Fools’ prank same-day. Sooo… you kinda already fucked up.”

“No-no-no-no, that mustn’t be the case.” I bit my thumb and ran through every detail again. There must be a way to salvage this plan, otherwise I was just some failed Trickster God who attempted to convince his brother of incestual longing. If the prank were to fail, then it’s just sick, isn’t it? “Let us forget about April Fools’ Day. This will just be a prank and you will help me regain control.”

Verity raised an eyebrow. “Why would I do that?”

“Because you are my dearest friend and I really need this… for my sanity. And you, in turn, need my sanity, because a mad Loki is a dangerous one.”

“If I say yes, can we get back to work?” She turned her monitor toward me to show off an inbox hemorrhaging at the seams. 

“So be it,” I said, reveling in my manipulation with a smile upon my face so wide that the whole of the office might well have fallen in. With deft words, I filled Verity in on the night Tony and I had planned. (I planned the night, but Tony agreed with everything I suggested and I really do love a good yes-man.) 

After work, I treated Verity to coffee in the Avengers’ lounge. This impressed her, though it was my only option as I was not permitted to leave the building, as you well know. Her eyes brightened over the view, the design, the surreality of standing just where the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes congregated. Little did she know, that often meant drinking, watching movies, or eating Pop Tarts (if you’re Thor, because he loves those things). 

“Have you any ideas, Verity?” I asked, twirling my spoon about in my cup—no hands. 

“I don’t like any of this.”

“Coffee no good?”

“No, the coffee is fine.” She sighed. “Can you just admit that you’re—”

“I can and will do nothing of the sort!”

“Fine.” She looked around, then stared outside, and stalled for another minute until I poked her in the arm out of sheer impatience. “You can try to make him jealous, I guess. When you go out—”

“When _we_ go out. You’re coming.”

“Fine. When we go out, you can flirt with other people… maybe guys who kind of look like discount versions of Thor… and just do your best to be alluring.” She dropped her head. “God, what am I saying?”

“No, no. This is good. I like your style. I most certainly can flirt with Thor-ish men and wear the tightest leather in my closet. Oh, I have a green coat with fur lining that is quite fetching. Also, and no one knows this, but I’m a veerrry good dancer. Have you heard of the dance of the undulating serpent?”

Verity shook her head. 

“Let’s just call it snake hips.” I winked. “You’ll see on Friday night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh, my deepest thanks for sticking with me.


	7. April 6th — Party On, Thor (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is time to seek pleasure in the night. Not like "that." No, not like that, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo sorry for the latest update ever.... I'd like to use my newness to this whole thing, celebrating Pride in a Lady Loki drag cosplay (yes, I'm bragging because Loki would brag, naturally), and life as excuses. Please forgive <3
> 
> A note: If you like visuals and have yet to enjoy Tom Hiddleston dancing, please take a moment to view mortal Snake Hips. Additionally, if you still like visuals and you have yet to enjoy Chris Hemsworth dancing, please take a moment to view... the adorable, goofy things he does with his body.

* * *

 

 

Verity arrived to my quarters quite early as I had demanded. It was imperative that she assist in my preparation for this mischievous culmination. My bed, vanity, and chaise had found themselves covered in clothing that I had procured via online shopping. My entire income was expendable so what else was I to do? Not to mention all my Asgardian garments had been destroyed save for a few items I had lingering in my interdimensional, corporeal pocket. 

“Tony wouldn’t allow me to get a proper manicure. Did I paint them well enough on my own?” I asked, showing off the black nail lacquer. 

“Looks fine. How many times are you planning to change again?” Verity wore all black, something strappy on top. A bit pedestrian for my taste, but well met.

“Should I add more shadow to my—”

“Your makeup is fine. It’s subtle. Can you just put something on?”

I glared at her through the reflection of my full length mirror, also purchased online. So far, I had settled on leather pants as those were the only sort of pants I have really ever worn. For the top, I could not decide between black or green. Short sleeves or no sleeves. Fitted or skin tight. 

“I’m wearing the gold choker either way.” I sat beside her on the bed, shoulder to shoulder and showed off the etchings I’d carved into the metal. “It’s a replica of an adornment I used to wear… it was golden with these very etchings upon my breastplate. They were marks of magicians from Vanaheim, where my mother is—was from.” My eye nearly shed a tear. I pulled away from Verity, whose enchantment must have had the obscure effect of culling deep, cutting truths from those in her wake. Locking the clasp, I cleared my throat and held my choices  out to her. “What’ll it be?”

Before Verity could answer, Tony stomped into my room. How dare he, with his master access to any nook and cranny within this damnable structure. I turned around, throwing the clothes over other piles of clothes along the vanity. 

“Whatever do you need, Tony?”

“Oh, is the party starting early?” Tony said, obviously drinking before the actual festivities had begun. He stepped to the side, venturing closer, and peered around me. “And who have we here?”

“Verity Willis. I work for you Mr. Stark.”

“Of course. Call me Tony.”

“Why are you here? I’m _trying_ to get ready.” I pointed to the clothing massacre upon every surface. 

“Oh, right. So since Pepper and I are trusting you to go outside, into ‘public,’ and I’m the one who signed my name about keeping tabs—”

I waved his words away. “Yes, yes. No magic. I understand.”

“I’ve got new dampers.”

“Oh.” I held out my wrists, ready to be bound.  

Tony nodded and removed the bracelets that hung before him. I swallowed hard as I hid the anguish of these daggers to my dignity, watching a simple mortal take me down to his size. (Figuratively. I am much taller than Tony Stark.) He pulled leather cuffs with gold buckles from his pocket and secured them with some curious device. The design was very much my taste. It seemed that he was able to read me quite well, materialistically speaking. 

With a sigh, he spoke: “Thanks for being easy with this.”

“You are most welcome.”

“It’s got a GPS, a destabilizer, the regular damper with increased sensitivity. Nothing that you’ll notice as long as you stay within a 25-yard radius of me or Thor. He’ll have a monitor too, so… I hope that’s okay. Not that you have a choice or anything, but—” Tony halted in his speech, looking down as if transfixed in something otherworldly. I struggled to match his gaze, but he spoke before I could find it. “Nasty scar.”

“Ah.” With the new dampers at 100%, the glamour cast over my chest had faded. No Avenger would have seen the wound I claimed upon Svartalfheim. I touched my fingertips to the scar tissue just below my sternum, softened and cooled now after all this time. It had been like scorched earth when fresh. Now, the skin was merely dull, pained but grey. “One of many escaped deaths, I’m afraid.”

Without reaction or proper warning, Tony unbuttoned his shirt a bit, showing off a nasty scar of his own. “One of many.” He nodded, fixing his clothes and asked that we be ready within the hour. “I’ll stay on this floor so we don’t set your sensor off. That destablizer is a bitch.” Tony turned and the door slid shut behind him.

Tops and makeup and jewelry all seemed to matter far less after that exchange. What was it about Verity in close quarters? Maybe it hadn’t been her at all. I turned back to the mirror and spied upon my scar, the very one I ignored or hid with a glamour. Verity stood holding a shirt in her hand. 

“I think this one is nice. It’ll go with your new cuff things.” Her smile was sullen and my expression not much better. I couldn’t have that before an evening out on the town. 

“Why have we all gone serious? We’re about to go dancing. You’re going to help me—”

“No, I’ve helped enough.” She held the shirt before me to slide into, which I did. Then spun around and waited for her to button it up. I had to clear my throat and wiggle my hips, but she got the message in time. “I’m not your lady in waiting.”

“Actually, my dear, you are that very thing.” I peered upon my reflection as Verity buttoned the shirt despite herself. “Will this do the trick?” I had never worn that piece before: a deep jade shirt of snake print and short sleeves. She was right about the look, however. “Is this fetching?”

“I’ve never tried fetching a sibling before, so I wouldn’t know.”

“Shut it.” I smoothed my hair over, again and again, until the curls fell perfectly over my shoulders. “Shall we then?”

“Okay, one final-final time, because I gotta ask. Do you have feelings for your brother?”

“Feelings?” I cocked an eyebrow. “Are we going down this road again? I have told you—”

“Forget it.”

 

~~~

 

The Avengers (all of them), along with two guests, stood waiting in the lounge. The Falcon Man was there. If memory serves me, he was called Samuel. There was also a gruff gentleman with a silver arm. I only remember his name because it made me laugh uncomfortably loud: Bucky. The Captain seemed particularly preoccupied with him, worrying over his shy demeanor. 

Thor had not yet arrived, still in New Asgard, possibly avoiding me or crying over his lost love. Everyone was waiting for him though and the awkward mood threatened to ruin the entire evening, until the Two-Way Bifrost that isn’t technically a Bifrost erupted in rainbows and a crash. 

“There he is. The man of the hour.” Tony raised a glass, looking smart in a suit and shaded eyewear at night. The rest of the heroes, plus Verity and additionally myself, followed in kind. 

Thor nodded sheepishly as he entered from the balcony. He took a glass from the bar and lifted it. “Thank you all, fair friends.” 

We drank together, though it did not feel natural. Asgardian toasts are much more boisterous and flamboyant. This was simple and awkward. Why was Thor looking nervous? I couldn’t stand when he looked nervous. 

Tony phoned the car as escort. Lady Natasha scooped Verity into conversation, which was quite rude. She was with me, in a manner of speaking. But I didn’t mind it too much, distracted by Thor’s funny mood. At least he had prepared himself, rather than showing up in armor, caked in sweat. He was washed and dressed in Migardian faire, much as his date night with Lady Jane. Ironed shirt, fitted slacks, and a—  

“Lose the coat, man,” said Barton to Thor, breaking my focus temporarily. He then turned to Bruce who was pretending not to stare at Lady Natasha. “Are you seriously wearing chinos to the club?”

“I don’t really club,” said Bruce as he picked lint from his wrinkled, lavender shirt.

Thor perked up briefly. “I am well versed at wielding a club.” His stupidity was almost endearing. Almost. I approached my brother for the first time in days and patted his shoulder. 

“It is a dance hall, brother. Lest you have forgotten.” I lent a laugh to him, which caught on only in the slightest. It was clear that woman, the marvelous Lady Jane, had infected his heart far deeper than I had anticipated. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe Verity was right (about it being a bad idea, not my being in love with my brother, no, never). This night could still be about Thor’s recovery and my allowance of a bit of freedom. I could always prank strangers or the other Avengers instead, leaving my rivalry with Thor for another day. A better day.

“We’ll have fun tonight, I promise you.” I forced my way into Thor’s singular gaze. He nodded and forced a smile into mine. 

“I found myself missing her,” he grumbled.

“You’ll find yourself forgetting her soon enough.”

Then his stupid grin and that obnoxious laugh returned to that oafish face. My hands wrung all on their own to stay the urge to tug on his cheeks. In a brotherly way, purely. 

“You are right,” he said, throwing his arm around my shoulders. “Another for the road ahead!” 

Tony broke into our huddled space; my focus faltered once more as my limbs grew tense as though I had been caught in the act of something flagrant and vile. “There’s bottle service in the limo,” he said. “Let’s go.” 

 

~~~

 

The journey to our destination reminded me much of my inebriated evening with Tony, the Captain, and Lady Natasha. Alcohol with mortals is quite the drinking game in and of itself. While the addition of Bruce, Barton, Samuel, Bucky, and Verity added a particular flavor to the comradery (most notably a surprising looseness of the uptight), I could not pull my focus from Thor. His mood seemed fragile, on a constant fluctuation between joy and melancholy. At his left, I monitored the nuance in his expression, our knees knocking as the limousine rocked. Our party cheered and took in drinks as toasts were made in Thor’s honor. But despite the revelry, my gaze did fall in worry and concern toward my brother. 

“What is it?” he spoke into my ear over the clamour of his comrades. The warmth of his breath and the heft of his hand upon my shoulder, returned me to better times. To times of our youth. To feasts and jubilee. Thor, playing the part of the older brother so popular and radiant as the sun is bright, and I, playing the part of the quiet and coy younger sibling lacking all experience, sitting side by side as toasts are dealt to warriors much older and mightier than we. Maidens spark fancy with fluttering eyes to whom Thor delivers charismatic winks. His haughty smile devours all who look upon him as I sit silently to his left. I nip at my meal and sip upon my mead, wary of eyes. When his attention falls to me after rounds of drink and battle songs have been sung, I am startled from my place, caught watching him. Full with envy. His arm pulls me close. “What is it, brother?” he asks, yet I know not what to say. 

...

I shook away this memory; more accurately, Thor rattled me by the shoulder, stilling these thoughts. 

“Loki, why do you stare off?” His voice boomed through the limousine. “We are nearly there, are we not?” His attention turned as he continued to jostle me. Oh, yes, we were back to that simple time of youth. “Everyone, Loki was once known for his dancing on Asgard!”

“Really?” someone said. “No way,” said another. I could match voices no longer. They invaded from all sides.

“Aye! Upon his coming of age, he danced the dance of the undulating—”

“Thor!” I shouted, hot blush rushing over my face. I’m not one to allow strangers, former/current enemies, or acquaintances insight into my personal affairs, but there Thor went airing my laundry out amongst the Avengers themselves. 

With what little luck the Norns did afford, the limousine halted before our destination. The club, suggested by Tony and vouched for by Verity, called The Lounge struck the glass with neon. One by one we exited the limousine and entered the fine establishment, bypassing a queue of people lined around the building. Cameras flashed; the Avengers waved. Mostly Tony, but Thor and the Captain took their turns as well. 

“Why are they so popular?” whined Barton. 

“Is that an honest question?” I bit my lip to chase the laughter from my voice. 

“You’re lucky no one remembers you, else they’d riot.” Barton glared and pushed his way ahead. I was glad to watch him go as petty squabbles do not make for a pleasurable evening. However, the comment clung to me, sinking its fangs into my flesh. I was only welcome in New York because the humans did not know of me. The madness and destruction of years past had eclipsed the orchestrator completely. Alien spaceships, warriors, and monsters… no one bothered to remember the glimmering gold horned god who led the attack. I should have been thankful, and truly I was, but that dark part within myself twisted and churned. How dare they forget? I was to be their king! (If only temporary, because I had no intention of succeeding… really.) I demanded that they kneel and say my name and—  

“Loki, there you are.” Thor dragged me to the bar by the wrist. How had we made it inside without my noticing? The room was somehow blindingly bright and pitch dark all the same. Balls of etched glass spun, spitting light in all directions, glittering overhead. The music foreign and pulsating, reminded me of those notes composed by the Grandmaster. My eyes did search for the other Avengers, but they were lost in the crowd save for Barton ordering a drink. Ha, he had to wait. 

“Are you feeling better?” I shouted over the clamour. 

Thor leaned close. “Much better already. Let us drink, brother!” 

A bartender came to his behest with great haste, pouring liquid and flirting and waving the cost. Taking a picture with Thor and flirting some more. Muspelheim’s molten malm-wraiths, how was I supposed to draw Thor’s focus with all these libidinous women swarming about? And she was on the _job_. 

“To us, brother.” Thor said, placing the glass in my hand. His eye honed in on something and his expression cooled. “Oh, you’ve begun lacquering your nails again?”

“I was bored.” I may have blushed, pulling my hand and drink away from the oaf. “To us and to New Asgard.”

“Indeed. Skål!”

“Skål.” We drank and drank as Thor called for another. He stood strong, a great lumbering oak to steady the world, always able to hold his drink. My balance remained solid, though it seemed a right risk to push further. I was in control at the moment, but how long would that last with Thor drinking me under the table? The heat beneath my cheeks did swell; my body was warm, cozy even. It was nice. _Too nice._ What was this feeling? 

I am not one suited for satisfaction. Knowing when to let well enough alone, basking in glory, smelling roses (as you say)... these things do not come naturally to me. This night was my first time away from Stark Tower in ages, yet I did not take much notice. I did not look up to admire the night sky, nor did I bask in the open air, stretch my limbs or tap my toes upon the ground. But how does one attend to his own blessings with a distraction as massive as Thor? He needed this night more than I. He was heartbroken. He was forlorn. So naturally, my attention would fall to him (instinctively the doting younger brother) and ignorance to myself. I hated it — my obvious, compulsory backseat to his center stage — and for that and so many of life’s little tortures, I do blame Thor. 

“Where is everyone?” I said, though I should have shouted. Thor leaned in again, closer this time. I swallowed nothingness and repeated myself. “Where is everyone?”

“I believe they are dancing. Perhaps they have traveled to the rooftop.”

“Good thing you’ve stopped the rain.”

Thor laughed. The sound rumbled through me as he remained close. Why wouldn’t he just move? “Would you like to dance?”

“What? Why are you asking me to dance?”

He laughed once more. “Not with me. Just… let us move to the dance floor and search for bonny maidens.” He nodded, then wiggled his eyebrows at me. “Or lads.”

“Do you find that funny?”

“If it got on your nerves, then yes.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“Don’t be shy. I know what you get up to.” He nudged me with a heavy shoulder. “Let’s go.”

Thor’s hand took mine. His fingers and palms radiated heat that pulsed through my flesh and dug into the muscle. We dove into the crowd as if swimming through the oceans of Niflheim with the souls of the dead grappling and grabbing. Once Thor stopped in the middle of the crowd, panic began to fill me. What about my plan? HE surely deserved retaliation now. I had not sought out any Thor-like men to dance with and I’d lost all touch with Verity. Those last few drinks with Thor left my vision narrow as a tunnel. All I could see was Thor’s back. His broad shoulders. The fabric taut across the grand expanse of him. But now that we had stopped, it was time to dance. Women flocked to Thor, either for his celebrity, muscles, or both. His moves were a bit silly, but there was rhythm and a lightness to the brute. I counted three in this current swarm. Oh, glorious Thor. Beauteous Thor. Everyone just yearns for him so naturally. Where in the Nine Realms was Verity? This plan was shit. How on Earth could I make Thor jealous with all this competing attention? 

I spun around (to the beat of course), hunting for prey. There were men, none as almighty as Thor, but there were those that would do. (Four to be exact.) Though upon making eyes and attempting approach, they backed away. One even attempted to raise his hand to me, but I took that arm and planted my fingers into this pathetic mortal flesh. 

“You should be thankful anyone wants to dance with you… insignificant waste of—”

Before I could finish my assault, Verity appeared by my side, tearing me from the man, and subsequently, the dance floor. 

“What are you doing?” she shouted, but it wasn’t simply a noise precaution. Dragged once again by the arm, Verity took us to a patio decked in green ivy and wooden slats. The cool night air burst against my skin like the first steps onto Jotunheim. “Okay, now tell me why you almost ripped that guy’s arm off?”

“If you had arrived a moment sooner, you would have seen that he disrespected my honor.”

“Seriously?”

“Apparently the Thor-like men here aren’t too keen on _my_ advances.” I licked my lips and pretended that neither my feelings nor ego had been marred in the least. “I’m not a natural hunter, if you know what I mean.”

“I think I do.” She scratched her neck and sighed. “Maybe it’s for the best. This plan is—”

“A failure. Yes. Your plan is a failure. Thor is in there right now with women all over him. He’s having the time of his life. What kind of prank is that?”

Verity rolled her eyes, which is my signature move and she should truly apologize for the theft. Then she placed her hands upon my shoulders (just like Thor) and moved dangerously close to me (just like Thor) and lingered (again, Thor). “Are you jealous?”

“What?” 

“Yes or no.” 

“I’m _envious_ that it’s just so easy for him.” I bit the pout from my lips and slipped on a grin. “Now how about telling me why you’re mere inches away from kissing me?”

“This is Thor’s move, right?”

I nodded. 

“And how do you feel?”

“Fine, just curious as to why you’re playing this game. I would proceed if you weren’t distracting me from drafting a new plan.”

Verity shook her head and dropped her arms. “Forget it. You don’t see it and you’re not gonna see it until it’s too late.” Once more, she took my hand and forced me to follow her lead. We returned to the dance floor. This time I could spot Tony socializing on the second floor, leaning on the rail. It seemed he had run into friends. One of the men looked rather familiar; Rhodes perhaps. The Captain and his friend shared drinks at the bar. Barton and Lady Natasha seemed to be dancing as Bruce looked on forlorn. Samuel was heading out with a maiden on his arm. Thor remained at the center of attention. A circle had formed with him at the head (if a circle could have a head). People stepped into said circle, one by one, and performed some small number. Thor was swaying, cheering, and clapping. Oh, look at the buffoon having all the fun. 

“Get in there,” said Verity. She shoved me, but it did very little. “Go!”

“Why should I?”

“Because… do your snake hips thing. You wanna woo him? Woo him then.” 

Though it was clear Verity did not yet understand my hilarious joke, I figured that I could at least attempt to confuse my brother further and possibly seduce at least one of these drunken people. So I shoved my way in and hung back along the circle, waiting for a blonde woman to complete some sort of contortion. Then she fell and that was far more glorious than her dance. I could have died well-sated on that laughter alone. 

As the woman rolled away, I stomped into the circle, catching Thor’s attention, but looking away all the same. Light on my feet and arms over my shoulders, I tapped to the music. My legs hopped and jumped in a jig to the beat, until the rhythm zoomed through the ceiling before crashing down upon us with humid, sultry tones. That was when I did it: the dance of the undulating serpent. I clasped my hands before my forehead and allowed my hips to slither. With seidr, this dance is even grander, but I could cast quite the spell without it. I twirled and spun and thrust my hips to the swirling sounds that beat around us. The dance circle whistled and hollered. They pulsed and moved in, coaxed by my allure. Then came a hand on my waist and another on my shoulder. Then another and another. Strange hands grabbing hold from the depths. Even the men who had turned away before found themselves beckoned by the undulation of my body. 

I dropped my arms and looked straight ahead, but to my surprise, Thor was nowhere to be found. 

I did not chase him. I did not worry for his bountiful heart. A grin overtook my lips, crawling across my entire body until I could feel nothing other than deep and dark steeped joy. I had won. Thor was jealous and confused. That was all I needed to know. I could finally throw my prank in his face and arrive victorious upon the… the… Well, it wasn’t very fun just thinking about it, still dancing with those idiots. Time to tell the dolt and cash in my prize. 

Tearing myself from the hungry hands of the dance floor, I tracked Thor down at the bar. He was sitting alone, though his heroic friends weren’t far away. How selfish; he could have at least stood with Bruce and pined together. 

“What happened to you?” I asked. 

Thor ordered another round, but did not answer. Pressing a drink, once ready, into my hand instead. 

“What do we drink to?” I asked. 

“What are you playing at?” Thor’s expression was grave. It was that look he gave me when his heart was ready to plummet and he knew that I was lying to him. 

“Whatever do you mean?”

“That dance… it’s a seduction dance.”

“Yes. I wasn’t having any luck, because I’m not a golden god of perfection.”

“Don’t say such things. You look…” His voice faded into the noise. 

“I look what?”

“I mean, your choker. I like what you did with it. The etchings are good.” He rolled his head about, rubbing tension from the muscle. Then he spake nervous, mumbled words: “You look good, too.” Perhaps this evening would turn toward my favor.

“Well, thank you. My style is a bit weird for most tastes it seems, but thank you.” With batted lashes and hidden blush, I played the part of a coy yet humbled Loki, allowing the silence betwixt us to fester. To burrow, to claw, to grow within the space until there was none left for him to founder. Once all sorts of damage had surely been done, I allowed my silvertongue to play its melody once again: “You were jealous, weren't you?”

Thor’s brow furrowed. “How should I be jealous?”

“All those strange hands all over your dear brother.”

“Protective mayhaps.” He snorted. “You have a tendency toward recklessness. The wrong guy kneels to you and… well—”

“As though you’d know anyway.” My lips curled, forcing a sneer, though I will admit that a cord had been struck, discomfort and disquiet filled my chest, bubbling at the surface. Again, we said nothing, lacking all words to speak. Oh, I’m sure he was jealous; the oaf had fallen right into my trap. All t’was left was the grand reveal. _Speak, Loki. End this farce in victory—_

But then, he spoke first:

“Do you… do you want to dance?” Thor asked, holding his glass to mine. He tapped the rim and swallowed the liquid in one go. “Not like _that_ , just… the way we used to.”

“Oh.” I took my drink back in two (well, more like three) gulps and set the glass down gingerly, sliding it along the counter with the slick of condensation. “I remember you used to embarrass me.”

“I will not. I promise.”

We remained along the outskirts of the dance floor to avoid the ruckus. Thor jerked into his silly movements, forcing me to grab his hand to steady him. To loop his arm with mine and twirl in a joined circle. The Asgardian dance in question (called the hringr-danz) is much more formal than whatever he was doing. 

“Do you want to do it right?”

“Sorry, sorry.” He had begun to laugh uncontrollably, hopping instead of stepping. Stepping instead of hopping. “What are my arms to do?”

“Not that.” I tugged his arms to his sides, struggling to still his movements. But as he failed and I failed within his failing, the crowd shifted and swayed, pulling us in. Soon the outskirts disappeared and we were once again drowning in uncharted waters. The space between us closed. The music metamorphosed into smooth, sensual rhythms. I did not know where to look, though Thor didn’t seem to mind looking right at me. That blue eye, the color of winter, stared straight through my existence. To be permeated nay penetrated by the simplicity of a stare… it must have been the drink which left me too susceptible to attention. That was all. Though, I did my best to will my vacant, tundra of a heart to calm, all control had failed me. Chills ran over the slick sweat across my skin. Was I nervous? Infected with drink?

There was no way to look at him—the Golden God of Perfection. His light was all that blinded me. His smile threatened to devour me. I couldn’t be like all the others, so taken by his magnificence. Wooed simply by his presence. No. So I panicked, spinning around; I put my back to Thor. 

_What are you doing? Back to front isn’t familial. It isn’t fraternal. What you’re doing is—_

It mattered not. I couldn’t look at him. No other alternative existed. So I swayed and slithered as the gap betwixt us tightened and I could feel his heat and sweat along my back. 

_That’s your brother. Why are you rubbing your ass against his—_

I was not purposefully rubbing my posterior anyplace. Thor was the one who closed the gap or maybe the dance floor had, but I would never do such a thing on purpose. It was not I who placed Thor’s hands upon my waist nor did I rest his face in the nape of my neck. While it is true that my arms did fall back and loop around his shoulders, such an action was for balance. Should I have fallen? Collapsed? No, I think not. 

It doesn’t matter though, because it was not long before Thor spun me around to face him. And when he did and my eyes met his, I shoved him into the crowd and ran away. 


	8. April 6th — Party on, Thor (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evening continues back at Stark Tower. What more could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incomplete Trivia that has nothing to do with anything: If you count all the times Loki tears up in Thor 1, I think it happens 5 times, I believe. And he only has about 6 or 7 scenes. Similar numbers for Thor 2, though I forget the count. Guess I'll just have to watch them again! 
> 
> I haven't done Avengers or Ragnarok, but I would guess he's 50/50 in Avengers because he tears up with Thor (naturally). Ragnarok... maybe he tears up when Odin says Love, but... what were we talking about now? 
> 
> Please enjoy!

* * *

 

Little is remembered between that moment and my arrival in the limousine. To be quite honest, a great deal of this night returned to me over the following days. But my mind was clear (somewhat) on the ride back to Stark Tower as our party exhibited every possible result of such a night. 

Bruce and Samuel had fallen; their bodies shook to the rumble of the limousine. Tony seemed to be flirting with everyone while slipping in and out of a stupor. Barton’s grimace had worsened somehow as though he may be sick. If it weren’t for the dampers set to 100%, I could have helped him. (Though I would not have because he was still rude to me.) Bucky rubbed his head as the Captain comforted the ill effects over-indulgence. Lady Natasha continued her mission of seducing Verity — an honorable mission at that. Verity is quite the catch, indeed. I wouldn’t keep company of caliber any lower than exemplary. And then, there was Thor. 

The witless, drunken, blundering oaf with the azure eye and the kindest smile did jest with Tony and the Captain (once Bucky dozed off with Bruce and Samuel). 

“I saw you out there,” said Tony to my brother. “I don’t know if you’d call those _moves_ , per say.” 

“At least I danced, Man of Iron.” Thor boomed with infectious laughter. The swelling, fanciful laugh of an Asgardian warrior weaving tall tales of battle. I knew it well. Oh, ho ho, the grandeur and theatre of his voice and gestures. He spoke of dancing like a victory earned nary by the skin of his thundering teeth. “Surrounded by dozens of sirens, I took stock right at the center of them all. And I saw you, Stark, hiding upon the stair—”

“Hiding?” Tony snorted. “You’re delusional, you know that?”

“Yes, he is.” I spoke without thought or purpose. It was as though my mind had decided the conversation had gone long enough without me in it. “Thor, you are delusional if you think you were the star of the dance floor.”

“Oh, yeah. I saw you doing… um,” said the Captain, suddenly blushing. “What was that?”

“Snake hips.”

“Right. Interesting.” 

Thor did not respond as the conversation went on without us. Instead, he looked to me, or at least I do believe he did. I could feel his stare, though my eyes refused to meet it. As if on cue, the limousine hit a bad spot and knocked our knees together. I did not look, but my intuition assured his stare remained. If only I had my seidr, I could look upon him without looking. I cursed Tony and leaned my head over Verity’s shoulder. In the cramped limousine, this was my only escape from the idiot who is sort of my brother. 

“Now if you wanna talk a big game, Point Break, tell me about all those girls.” Tony raised his glass and I wished for his sake that it was filled with water. “I’d be jealous if I hadn’t already sewn every oat on the Quaker farm, but—”

“T’was nothing compared to the fetes upon Asgard.” 

“I’m not even gonna pretend to know what you’re saying.”

Thor went on to gloat. His tales of conquest were long, far, many, and repetitive. Worst of all, they were somewhat true. For the sake of brevity, I won’t go into all the messy details, but Asgard did not shy of sex parties, sex groups, and the glorious practice of sex magic. The later, Thor knew nothing of. All magic is obviously my department. But the glorious Golden God did fair well with the former. You needn’t be intelligent to surmise as to why or how. A man of power, prowess, rank, and beauty more than sold himself. There were gaggles of maidens and handfuls of lads who did loiter about my brother with their fingers weaved behind their backs. 

[Author’s Note: This is the Asgardian equivalent of crossing your fingers for luck.]

Thor was waited upon with grapes and massages. His hair braided (which was my thing, but whatever) and his feet washed. His robes taken from him to be hung up until the man was draped in very little. 

“To the baths!” he might say. Or, “To my chambers!” But the nights always ended with the prince who would be king sharing his splendor with at least one lover that night. Do not ask how the other prince, the one who would not be king… the one who would be disowned… do not ask how he faired these nights, because I simply do not want to talk about it right now. 

Thor’s booming voice and tales of sexual intrigue reeled Tony and the Captain into his weaving. “And then there were the maidens trice.”

“Triplets?” gawked the Captain. 

“The very same.”

I rolled my eyes and wrapped my arms around Verity, pulling myself flush against her, tugging on her blouse until she could no longer ignore my dramatic attention seeking. This seemed to annoy Lady Natasha, but of course I cared not because I’m Loki. And I was upset. And she was my friend first. So there.

“He won’t shut up,” I whispered in her ear, though admittedly, this may have been sloppily. “I hate him with every fiber of my being and it’s taking all my might not to stab him right now.”

She gasped. “You brought a knife?” 

“A dagger—” I patted myself down and realized that I hand no blades and no seidr, so no magical access to blades nor access to magical blades. “Shit.”

“Are you okay?”

Lady Natasha leaned in. “What’s your deal?”

“M’lady, she was my friend first.” I stuck my tongue out at her, though that is not a signature move of mine. Then my silvertongue went off on its own again: “B-but I do hope you continue to hit it off. Both of you are so… very lovely.” This turned Lady Natasha’s expression rather queer and I couldn’t help but laugh. I didn’t know what there was to laugh at, but the sound would not yield and it felt better than whining and groaning over Thor’s obnoxiousness. I am Loki though, so my luck did run out. Thor’s stories did not cease. He returned to the night and spoke of his dance partners. Spoke of their attentions and their beauty. Spoke of the enticing nature of their movements. 

_But why should that bother you, Loki?_

I shook my head and clung to Verity once more, burying my face against her shoulder as the ladies ignored me and continued their shared conquest for each other. 

“Is this why you performed the dance, brother?” Thor clapped upon my back, like a bro. Ugh. I wanted to murder him violently in front of his closest human friends. “The dance of the undulating snakes is an ancient wile of seduction,” he explained to Tony and the Captain. Then his goblin-palm slapped my lower back, radiating heat and renewing the slick sweat that ran down my spine. “Were you jealous?” He laughed. “Were you jealous of them, brother?”

_Of them?_ _Why would he accuse me of being jealous of these women rather than of him for receiving attention? How dare he enter this game once more? And with what baseless honor… using my lines against me?!_

My mischievous instinct wished to spite him. To turn the tables upon Thor and accuse him of jealousy. _Oh, lest you forget asking me to dance? What of your hands upon my body? Was it merely the drink? Need you hold me up so I did not fall? Oh, I think we all know who sought who,_ brother!

Though these words were ready, prepared for battle at the tip of my silvery tongue, none would come. My eyes worked back and forth between his jaw and his good eye. Heat swelled behind them, threatening to do that thing they do most, that thing I hate most: cry. To shed tears before everyone would have surely killed me. Especially then. They would have thought me crying over Thor’s accusation. It would have appeared to be some sort of silent confession, but no further from the truth could anything have ever been. My tears flow from frustration. Not jealousy or love or betrayal or broken hearts. Ha! I feel not for such bland, baser emotions. It is my anger that seethes into the depths of my tundra-like heart and bursts forward with tears, crying out to demand blood. 

“Verity,” I whispered, turning from Thor’s touch and pressing further into her space. “We should kiss.” My liquid mind had fallen to desperate tactics, though I know not the logic of my actions.

“What?” Her voice was neither upset nor enthused. 

“I’m drunk. Kiss me.” In one fluid motion, I slipped my hands around her face and neck, cupping her cheeks. Pressing my fingers into the nape of her neck, massaging ever so gently just as Thor had always done. But unlike Thor, I planted my lips upon hers. Verity hummed with pause. It seemed she was contemplating whether to pull away or continue. But I could not be refused in front of these stupid men, looking down upon me as some pathetic seducing witch. (Not that I planned to force myself on Verity. I just weaved my fingers together behind her neck and prayed, is all.) Thankfully, she deemed my kiss pleasurable enough to continue.

So as Thor changed the subject with my distracting lack of response, Verity and I shared a brief makeout session that I did not remember on my own. Not at all. This pocket of memory was returned to me by Tony the following day, because apparently I had become a blackout drunk overnight. 

“Not bad, but let me show you how it’s done,” said Lady Natasha, at some point. Then the two of them made out. I believe my competitive streak hit and I demanded to show Lady Natasha my prowess as the silver in my tongue is useful for far more than lacing together pretty words. This kissing threesome may have gone on for sometime or the limousine may have arrived moments later, I’m still not quite sure on the details. But I like to think that the boys were duly distracted by our playtime activities, though my low self-worth would have me believe that such a scene would be far more enticing without my presence to mar the beauty. My arrogance would say quite another, but the arrogant Loki had fallen asleep beside Bruce, Samuel, and Bucky.

Once upstairs, I headed straight to my room. My mood, as it tends to spiral downward once alone and drunk, had crashed beyond the depths of typical melancholy. No, this was something else. As soon as the door slid shut, tears burst from my eyes like sluice gates broken, finally released of pressure. I coughed and wheezed as the heavy sob overtook my senses. 

_Why are you crying?_  

I looked in the full length mirror, up and down, upon my reflection. My eyes had gone red and puffy. The sweat and humidity of the evening had left my hair a frizzy mess. My eye shadow had smudged. My clothes… well, they were fine, but then I looked down upon my hands and there it was — a chip in my nail lacquer. The middle finger. I know not why this pushed me over the edge, but there it was. The final bean in the sprite’s basket. 

[Author’s Note: Another Asgardian saying. Sprite’s carry notoriously small baskets, so if they place too many beans inside, they’ll all go spilling through the bottom.] 

How did my crying become uglier, you may ask? Well, I’m a god. Perhaps the God of Tears and I found myself crying so very hard that my entire face turned crimson and my cheeks glistened in streams that traveled down my neck, even going so far as to dampen my shirt. 

“What in all the Nine is wrong with you?!” I shouted, tearing a stray cloak from the vanity and tossing it over the mirror. My reflection was no longer welcome as long as I looked like a drowned, harassed cat. 

“Loki?” called a voice… obviously, there was only one voice who might whisper through my door when I was in such a state. Stupid Thor. “You alright?”

I wiped my cheeks and cursed Tony again for the dampers. With even a small bit of magic, I could clean my horrid face. Oh my, this was dreadful.

“Go away.”

“You know I won’t.”

This was true, so I relented and went to the door. “What do you want?”

“I thought I heard—”

“Nothing. You heard nothing.”

Thor folded his arms and cocked his head. This was the first time I had really looked in him the eye since our dance. The light had dimmed. He must have been tired. 

He leaned in. “Have you been crying?”

“No.”

“Clearly you have.”

“Then why ask if you know the truth.” I dropped my gaze and stepped back, unable to keep my stance or footing. 

“They’re… the party is still going on in the lounge. Want to join—”

“No. I’m tired.”

Thor took a cautious step inside. “Are you sure? Are you well?”

Was I well? If I had been crying, how could I possibly be well? Malice brewed within my gullet. What did my brother think of me, especially after such a night.

“If you mention our dancing, I will run you through with a serrated dagger.” I cleared my throat, forcing gravitas into my voice. “And might I remind you of your own obvious jealousy. And your hands upon my hips. You’re the depraved one, brother, not me.”

 It seemed that Thor wanted to laugh and cry. His lips were unsure just what expression to make befitting his emotion. This drew a smile onto my face. Making others uncomfortable is comforting. I can handle their anguish. Actually, I thrive on it. 

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Ha-ha!” I pointed at him and snickered snidely.

“I’m sorry.” Thor stepped all the way into my bed chambers, allowing the automated door to shut in kind. He made his way toward me with those hands, broad and determined. They landed upon my shoulders, leaving Thor’s self much too close for comfort. His scent entered my nostrils: spirits, salt, musk, and something heady that I could not place. It took a moment before his gaze entwined with mine. “Was it the drink? Did we dance that way because of the drink?”

“You blame alcohol, do you?”

“What do you blame?”

“For what?”

“Why did you turn your back to me when we danced? You pressed up against me, did you not?” Thor searched my face for answers as he spoke. I wondered whether he might assume it was all his imagination if I left him to ponder a bit longer, though it didn’t seem as such. 

“That is how everyone dances in this realm, in this age.”

“Brothers?” 

“Then blame the drink if it will convince you to leave my room.”

“Loki…” His voice fell away, but his hands remained upon my shoulders. He was shaking, but only slightly. The smallest of tremors. I knew that he wanted to ask a million questions, but the words would not come. I could feel them pulsing through his veins. Did he wish to know why I was crying? Why I had performed the seduction dance? To know why I kissed Verity? Again, the anguish thrilled me into a glorious smile as I watched turmoil paint his perfect face. 

“When do you plan on releasing my—” I began to spit in quite the bitchy tone, but Thor’s words fell on top of mine as though he’d been struggling to speak and lost control of his tongue. 

“Do you remember your first kiss?” he asked suddenly. 

I nodded rather than speak. My first kiss was… wrong. It should not have been, but the Norns had spun me nothing but foul beginnings. 

 

~~~

 

We were in our youth, silly and impulsive. Thor had begun to mature far before his coming of age with great notice from a great many maidens. This happened to coincide with his gain in strength and charisma, but this is a time before the fracture in our fraternity. Thor made time for his brother and told me all about the kisses shared beneath Idunn’s trees. 

My curiosity has ever been the curse, desiring knowledge and respect above all else. To be the prince who had yet to share a kiss was one thing, but to be the inexperienced prince doomed to fail his first kiss was quite another. 

“I need to know what it’s like,” I had asked, the delightful scamp that I was — soft, rounded face, hair short, and tunics of several layers worn loose. We sat upon the ivory bench in the library near sunset, safely hidden from sight. “I need to know how to do it right?”

“You’ll figure it out.” Thor patted my shoulder. His nubile stubble caught the light in short amber thicket. 

“I don’t want to wait nor risk failure. What if the other person is more experienced? I am a prince. I must be the best.”

“Relax, Loki.”

“Do you know me at all? I do not relax.” I folded my arms and feigned anger. “You probably cannot tell me because these tales of yours are nothing more than pathetic lies.”

“Not true. I just don’t know how to explain. A kiss feels like a kiss.”

“And what more than that?”

“Do you want me to kiss you?” Thor’s words sounded like jest, but a nuance hid within. It was honesty. If I wanted him to kiss me, he would do it, but I would have to ask. Oh, the impulsive, hungry, little devil that I was. Knowledge and respect meant so very much to me. What wouldn’t I have done for either? 

“If that will answer my question, then yes.” My resolve was strong, quickening over the panic that filled my cheeks as I realized (slowly) that my first kiss was about to happen, and then that it was coming from my brother. But I did not flinch; I would not give him the satisfaction. 

Thor placed his hand upon my neck as he always had, but this time, his thumb trailed affectionately along my jawline. “Are you going to stare at me the whole time? It won’t feel right.”

“What do I do then, oh expert?”

“Close your eyes. Softly though. Don’t squeeze them. Now relax your lips.” He sighed. “I said relax.”

“Okay, okay.” I grumbled with my eyes fluttering shut. “Just do it already.”

Thor took a deep breath, smelling of sunshine and golden apples. His presence invaded my own gradually. It seemed to span the better length of a century before his lips did reach my own, but the buzz of contact struck every cord of my being. Every strand of my seidr. I could feel his own thick but sparse seidr strands strum along mine. His warmth radiated through the connection of or lips and he tasted like summer. 

Through my heavy lids, I could see his aura. And in those colors, a mural of took form within my mind’s eye. I could see us, somehow, from the outside: two boys kissing in the library as the sun slipped down below the horizon. 

Then Thor pulled away. “That’s it,” he said. 

“Oh.”

There was hesitation and disappointment lingering in the air. I could not be sure whether we shared such sentiment or I had been the only one so foolish as to feel. But in my fretting, Thor chimed in, “Well, there’s another kind,” he said.

I did not open my eyes, merely waited for his lead. 

“Do you want to know about that one too?” His question did posture just as before. His tone played with me. It ensured this was all a joke, unless I wished for more. 

I did not open my eyes, merely nodded to the offer. Just as before, Thor made good on his word, pressing his lips to mine, returning his warmth to me. But this time, his lips parted after a moment. Then the tip of his tongue did coax my lips to follow. 

_What are you doing? This is madness!_ called out that voice in my mind, but it was ignored completely as I opened my mouth for Thor’s tongue to invade me. The radiance washed over me in a blanket of heat. Our auras sparked and I could see us, somehow, in a golden field of wheat entwined and hidden by the stocks as they blustered all around. The sky a massive expanse of blue, same as Thor’s perfect eyes. 

Thought stopped along with the perception of time. His tongue licked along mine. It was spit, it was slime. It was disgusting until it roused a moan from the depths of me. The hot, aching pit writhing beyond my gut. Somewhere much darker. Somewhere uncharted. His head cocked to one side as he pulled me in deeper. In my vision, we sunk underground beneath the wheat, covered in mud. The sludge of saliva coated our lips as they smacked — an audible obscenity to my ears. I might have moaned again if it weren’t for the shame. And if it weren’t for Thor’s sanity and apparent lack of want, I would have thrown my arms around him and surrendered all that could be granted. 

Instead, Thor pulled away, heavy with breath. “Okay, that’s it.”

“Okay.”

“You see why I couldn’t explain?” He smiled as if he’d just demonstrated archery fundamentals, then clapped his hands against my shoulders. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re pretty good for your first time.” Thor stood and stretched out his back. “Now we need to get out there and find you a mate.”

“Right.”

 

~~~

 

“Do you remember your first kiss?” Thor had asked, tossing me down a shoot of memory. I nodded. What could he have meant by such a question? Why bring it up now? The shame and embarrassment of my childish self… the boy who would not be king coveting his brother. Oh, those were ancient times indeed. My worst times in many ways. How dare he remind me that there had ever existed a moment of such weakness where the all consuming light of Thor invaded my senses. Left me wanton and swollen with lust. He returned nothing but that winning smile, because I was nothing. Not one thing at all. 

“Would you like to take it back?” I answered finally, tired of waiting for Thor to explain this benign redirection. “Humoring me with your lips, brother, all those centuries ago. Do you wish to take back ever having planted such seeds?”

“I did not mean—”

“Of course not. You mean nothing. You never mean harm; you just come upon it so readily.”

“Loki, stop.”

“Or do you mean to blame this on me? Do you think me a minx who—”

“No.” Thor’s voice was charged. Sparks arced from his fingertips. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

“What?” How shocking. That was the last thing I expected he might say. “You’re drunk.”

“A bit.”

“So am I.” 

“If Jane is right, then…” He shook his head blearily. “No, I mean, if we kiss and feel nothing, then she’s wrong. We can move on.” 

“A simple experiment.” I dropped my head for a moment to chuckle at the irony. “Just like my first kiss.”

Thor said something like ‘so it’s settled,’ but wasted no time with breath or position. He was upon me before I could prepare myself for a fully adult, fully experienced God of Thunder, crashing into me, one massive wave of a man. From my shoulders, his hands did slip, wrapping around my waist. The arms he had… the embraces I’d lived in until that moment were mere scraps without compare. The desperation and comfort in his firm grasp upon my body left me both helpless and cared for to the very ends of this earth. Betwixt us existed nothing, nary a particle could slip through. His solid build formed against mine — yet soft, still kind, quite smooth. 

With no other place to go, I swung my arms around his neck. Dug my nails through his hair, mourning the everlong locks and braids that once hung from his crown. But my mourning did not last, distracted by the kiss itself. An evolution from the silly games of the past. Oh, young Loki once believed _that_ to be a kiss. His mind merrily transported to a pretty field, rolling about with his brother in the wheat. I could point and laugh at that boy now with the tireless hunger that clawed from Thor’s lips, threatening to devour me whole. 

Like warring snakes, we opened our jaws as far as they would go, just to taste more. To push deeper. His tongue circled and spun around mine. He licked the entirety of my mouth. I traced my tongue along his teeth, daring him to bite. I turned my head sideways, hoping to fit my mouth against his like a puzzle piece. Then he bit my bottom lip, so I sucked on his tongue until I could swear static was building in the air around us. 

A groan escaped the sticky barrier of our lips which would have brought us impossibly closer if not for Thor’s sudden jolt. He pulled away with apologies falling from his tongue uncontrollably, rushing from my bed chambers. Tearing his radiant glory from my mouth, my lips, my entire existence. It was unfair. Why did I feel misplaced and broken whenever Thor left my side? I stood on quivering limbs, lachrymose again, but the tears did not yet come. In silence and confusion, I sat down upon my apparel ridden bed and wondered just what had transpired. My seidr still unattainable, I could not look in upon myself to study the damage that had been done. Though I knew, somewhere within, that I was ruined, just like my youthful counterpart that day in the library. 

I tore the cloak from the mirror and cursed my reflection. “You’re a fool,” I said, watching the tears finally well up in real time. It became clear as my heavy heart struggled to wash my emotions bare, that I had felt something I was never meant to feel. 


	9. April 7th — Do You Kiss Your Brother with that Mouth?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events of a "pleasurable" night out, foggy memories bring about a rather glorious burden...
> 
> _In other words, what to do the night after you drunkenly makeout with your brother and he disappears without explanation?_

* * *

 

 

It had only been a week of this ruse and already I had ruined my life. How had I done it exactly? I wasn’t quite sure, as nothing made sense in the morning. My head had split itself in two. I was sprawled over the entirety of my wardrobe. A button imprinted itself on my cheek. My memory was shot. And aside from the feeling of dread that washed over me, I had no recollection as to why I might feel so devastatingly—

“Oh shitting shit, did I… did Thor and I…?” Alright, it wasn’t long before the memory hit, but that brief moment of ignorance was blissful. Well, maybe not blissful, but at least I didn’t remember kissing Thor. Like that. Ugh. 

Once the memory hit me, it gradually solidified as I readied myself for the bane of a day I was guaranteed to have. 

Undressing led to thoughts of Thor’s hands around my waist. Bathing led to thoughts of Thor’s tongue in my mouth. Brushing my teeth led to thoughts of Thor biting my lip. Sighing due to all the terrible memories led to thoughts of Thor groaning into my mouth. 

There seemed to be no escape from my mind, as there never had been an escape for such. This time around, however, the thoughts were so very disturbing that I wasn’t sure whether I would be able to maintain my sanity. Maybe this was it. Thor would be my undoing. We kissed — more than innocently — and now I would forever be a mush-brained, deviant, scum lord. 

“Unless it was a dream,” I suggested to my reflection, hope-filled, putting on the most conservative attire I could muster with a bounding tension headache. Turtleneck, jeans, and a long sweater. All black. My outfit said: don’t talk to me for the next five millennia. By then, I would be dead anyway. 

At around 10 o’clock, I removed myself from the confines of my room in the search for tea. Coffee felt harsh and I needed the calming comfort of chamomile. If I had been anyone other than myself, I might have asked for the simple comfort I needed, but instead, I decided that I would bite the head off of anything that required me to answer in greater than single word sentences. 

“Well, well,” said Tony. I was surprised to see him up and about. Rather than bourbon, he mixed nutritional shakes at the bar. “If it isn’t the Snake Charmer himself.”

“Tea.”

“Nope, drink this.” He slid a shake toward me. “Way better than coffee or tea.”

The shake tasted like dirt, but I’d had worse on hunting trips in the forests of Vanaheim. I nodded rather than thank him and swung my wrist before his face. “Dampers.”

“Oh, you wanna switch back to the bracelets, or… ? Because I can adjust the sensitivity from here.” Tony turned a dial on his wristwatch and smiled. 

“Are you seriously telling me that you could have turned the dampers down as soon as we returned last night?”

“Don’t press your luck, Loki.”

“I press nothing. I—” Frustration overtook me. Visions of Thor flooded into view. His body pressed against mine. His lips pressed against…

My hands shot into my hair and pulled. My seidr rippled and flared, tugging at the fabric of reality and green light shimmered from the surface of my being. 

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” I slowed my breath and released my hair, reaching for the strands of disturbed seidr and strumming them slowly until the wave of emotion subsided. “I’m only tired and hungover. And last night was overwhelming.”

Tony wiggled his eyebrows, stepping around the bar to join me upon the bar stools. “Is it about your hot and heavy makeout session?”

The blood drained from my face and pooled at my feet, leaving me lightheaded and heavy all the same. “Beg your pardon?”

“You don’t remember, do you? Well, don’t tell that to Nat or she’ll be pissed.” Tony chuckled to himself, allowing just enough time for my recall to place his words. 

“Ah, yes. Lady Natasha and I… and Verity.” I feigned a guilty smile, busying my fingers with seidr to release the tension headaches in near proximity. (Those I could sense with my witchy wonders, at least.)  “How are they this morning?”

“Actually, I think they’re still in the room.” He winked. “Seems like they hit it off. I’m surprised Thor didn’t bring anyone home with all those stories.”

“Asgardians are known for hyperbole, Tony. I’m not the only liar amongst them.” I massaged a thread that had found itself tangled in the mind’s eye of my seidr. The green strands stretched out before me, warped just below center, calling out for repair. “And what of me?”

“What about you?”

“Yes, did you think I might bring someone home?”

“Honestly, I wasn’t really thinking about it.”

I wanted to stuff his hand into the blender and set it to pulse. I didn’t though. Instead, I smoothed out the final bit of warped seidr and proceeded to play with an unruly curl. (In my hair, not my seidr.)

“Thank you for the cup of dirt.” I finished off the swill and left the glass behind on the counter. There was no reason for me to remain in his presence. As far as I was concerned, my reconnaissance was complete. Tony confirmed that I had kissed Verity and Lady Natasha, _not_ Thor. That’s all that mattered. I could return to my quarters and sleep. Possibly put away my clothing. Sleep some more. Consider eating, though I may forgo that. 

But something stopped me as I headed back down the corridor. It could have been curiosity, but I’d like to think my plotting mind simply wished to tie up loose ends. I spun around, tapping my finger to my pursed lips, and asked because I just had to know, “Where’s Thor?”

“Oh, he went back to New Asgard.”

“Did he now?” 

I wouldn’t say that I was upset nor would I say that I was surprised. In the same token, I was absolutely upset and surprised that Thor would just leave without saying anything knowing full well he doesn’t bring his phone anywhere and on those odd occasions when he does, it isn’t charged. He may as well not have a phone. What if I had been concerned for his well-being? (Though I’d never.) What if I had died of alcohol poisoning? (Though this is impossible for a god, but still.) He hadn’t even said goodbye… or had he? 

“Nothing happened last night. It was a dream.” I repeated these words as I entered my room and threw myself onto the bed. I kicked off the mess of clothes and burrowed into the sheets. “Nothing happened. Thor returned to New Asgard because he is their king and kings are busy people. He did not disturb your morning slumber for a farewell. When has he ever done such a thing?” I whined and pulled the sheet up over my head. “You’re a bitch in the morning. Did you forget?”

_So why is it that you are so upset?_

“I’m not upset.”

_You appear to be on the verge of tears again._

“I’m tired.”

_Who do you lie to, Loki? You may lie to them, but to yourself…? Why waste this energy?_

“Nothing happened!” I shouted into the pillows. “It was a dream! Just a stupid dream!” 

_This dream is a delusion. You kissed your brother with passion. If it had gone on any longer, what do you think would have happened?_

I could not shake the voice. Images shot in and out of my mind, filling in the empty pockets left behind by drink. I could not stop the tears as they flowed. I could not stop my body as it reacted to the rousing images nor the physical remembrance of sensation. 

_You’re hardening from these thoughts. Admit it now and free yourself from this prison. You are Loki. There are no rules you wish to follow and no rule you will not break. This is just one of many, and by comparison, fraternal desires barely register._

“I’m… I’m not admitting anything.”

_Then why are you wet with tears, wet with desire, and soothing these conflicted emotions with your hand?_

I did not answer the voice. It tended to quiet down once we agreed. Because the voice was right… there was no explanation for the tears or erection, so I gave up my attempt to affirm or deny. Instead, I rolled to my side, lip bitten, with one hand between my legs and the other on the nape of my neck. I wiped my tears with my thumb and pretended that this wasn’t the sickest, saddest game. 

 

~~~

 

Thor did not return to New York for several days. This bothered me, though I pretended that I could not be bothered. Saturday and Sunday saw their expiration as I remained in my quarters. The Avengers were not alarmed since I had spent the majority of my time locked away until recently. Socializing with me had been a burden, partially by my design. I can be difficult though. Naturally. I’m a prickly pear, as Thor would say. 

“Thor is an idiot and I hate him,” I mumbled, carving into an apple with a dagger. I preferred them over kitchen knives, though it felt a right waste not carving my blade into deserving flesh. “Thor should come back just so that I may filet him.” 

Monday did follow. I rode the elevator down to the design department and did not bother putting on a kind face. I refused to ‘act natural’ for Verity. She hadn’t bothered checking up on me. I supposed her little love affair with Lady Natasha was far more important than her best friend, Loki. Perhaps we weren’t friends at all. 

“Are you… okay?” she asked over coffee in the break room, stirring creamer (my top shelf creamer) into her brew. “You seem—”

“Oh, what do I seem? And why do you care?” I stirred my coffee with seidr just to show off. “You know, I could boil your coffee and scald your tongue to irreparable.”

“Jesus, what’s wrong with you?” Verity jerked away, glaring over her glasses with that look of ‘who do you think you are’ that I’d come to know so well. “I tried checking on you, but you wouldn’t answer the door or my texts, so get over yourself.”

Before Verity stormed out, as I assumed she might, I set down my mug and relented. Being completely devoid of all friendship was not something that I wanted any longer. Not at all. “I didn’t realize that was you. You’re right. I’m… I’m sorry.”

She cocked her head. “You are?”

“I am.” 

“Well, I’ll only forgive you if you tell me what’s wrong.”

“Damn.” I dropped my head. There’d be no forgiveness without honesty and Verity could even smell omission of the truth. “Something happened Friday night and I can’t seem to get over it.” With luck, she would allow this vague honesty to pass, but I knew that I was not created to be lucky. My shoulders fell slack as I leaned against the counter. A nameless office worker passed by to toast a bagel. I glared at her because it felt good to be mean, even in small doses. 

“So are you gonna tell me what happened?” Verity sipped her coffee, leaning beside me. The nameless office worker pretended not to be nosy, but nosy people do not exist within office walls. 

“I’d like to wait until this bagel has left the premises.”

Verity rolled her eyes and lead me back to our shared desk. She sat down, folded her hands in her lap, and tapped her foot against my own. “It’s about Thor, isn’t it?”

“It’s about nothing and no one and can you just leave me be? You are my babysitter because Tony wants to know whether I’m lying, not because you need be privy to my personal life.”

“Well, how do I know you aren’t plotting something dangerous against Thor?” she lied through her teeth and I respected the Hel out of her for it. It even made me smile. 

“Impressive manipulation. If I wasn’t eternally wiser, I’d think you were trying to threaten me.”

“Is it working?”

“Fine.” I took my seat and spun to face her. “We… well, alcohol didn’t help.”

“Spill it.”

“He kissed me.”

Verity bit her lip, caught between a grimace and a squeal of joy. “I don’t know how to feel about that. Wait, what kind of kiss was it?”

“Remember what we did in the limousine?”

She nodded. “So like—”

“A bit more than that.”

“What?!” Her expression twisted further and the whine that escaped her drew higher. “So what does that mean? Are you like—”

“We’re nothing. He ran off back to New Asgard without a word and hasn’t contacted me since. So I’m sure he is disgusted by me or his actions and has so little care for me… that he won’t speak such words to my face.”

“Or maybe,” she began to say, trailing off for a moment. Stirring her coffee needlessly. “What if he realized something and he doesn’t know how to process it?”

“Do you hear yourself? Verity, I don’t mean to be rude, but that is stupid.”

She smirked and sipped her coffee. On the desk, her phone lit up and she did her best to hide the genuine smile that sprang from her lips. 

“You should get that,” I said. “It’s far more endearing than the mess of my life.” Of course, she would not let that snide remark go, turning me around and delivering a pitiful pout. “What is it? I asked. 

“Hey, your messy life is important to me. But I can’t really help you if you aren’t willing to be honest with yourself.”

“That’s what I said.”

“Huh?”

“When I was talking to myself about all this… I told myself to be honest.” My tongue, questionable in its silver attribute, seemed to betray me. Maybe Verity brought out the honesty in people. Maybe her sincerity left me thirsty for her companionship. To be open and true with another. To feel safe. I yearned for it. I wanted to fall to my knees and kiss her knuckles. Idunn’s Apples, what was this woman enchanted with? 

“Verity,” I mumbled, hiding my mouth behind my coffee mug. “I will tell you one thing, but only if you pledge your eternal silence.”

“Silence pledged.”

“I think you were right… possibly. Maybe. Though I could be wrong.”

She nodded, so very kind not to require explanation. 

“And after that kiss, I cannot straighten out my emotions. I’m filled with rage and despair and hate and longing. What if Thor does not return? His disgust far too great to—”

“I don’t think you need to worry about that. He came back for you when you were destroying the city.” She forced an awkward smile. “He brought you back here after Ragnarok.” 

“Well, he did abandon me on an alien hangar before that. He’d given up on me completely.” Tears threatened to well up, just then. But I didn’t cry, if you can believe that. “He would have been content never to see me again, assuming that I would have been fine ruling a planet built of rubbish. That’s what he thought of me not so long ago. There’s no reason to think that he couldn’t turn his back on me again. Especially after this.”

“But you said _he_ kissed _you_.”

These words lingered in my ear for a moment, then spun around my brain for another. He _did_ kiss me. Right? Yes, I knew that he’d been the one to make the move. If Verity was right, he… he…

“What does it matter? We were drunk.” I wrung my hands around the mug, heating the coffee just until it began to burn.

“It matters because you felt something. It meant something to you. So I think he owes it to you to explain, whether he meant it _that_ way or not.” 

 

~~~

 

Tuesday and Wednesday marched along as I did my best to avoid Verity’s insistent and incessant conversation. I’d never known someone to be so invested in a doomed non-relationship between brothers… and moreover, the last part still made her greatly uncomfortable. I couldn’t tell whether she was rooting for us or hoping to dissuade me later on down the road.

During the day, I held myself together, but in the evenings, I cursed myself in the mirror and wept into my pillow. Though I no longer fought the voice inside, I remained silent. I did not confirm any of these accusations as clear and simple as they were. Wednesday night saw the least of my tears. It was a good night, one might say. I read from a book of witchery, saved from the fires of Surtur. The passages told of calm and focus, splaying one’s seidr out in all directions, pulling from within then pushing out into the universe. Imagining oneself as a star with heat radiating from the center and exploding out into everything, in every direction. Creating heat and light and life. 

“This is the opposite of your physical nature,” I read. “The body is a conduit to the eternal energy that flows at your core. You are the star as much as you are the speck. You are yourself as much as you are another. But only Your conduit may realize your Self. Only Your attunement may play your Note. You are tied down to this nature, but only through this nature may you know your truth.”

I read the words aloud three times as though it were a spell itself. My sick brain, still busy turning every thought over to Thor, spun this paragraph as well: Am I myself and Thor at once? Do Thor and I exist as opposites who may only realize themselves through each other?

I shook these thoughts away quickly, returning my focus to the calming exercise. The book instructed that I lie on the dirt and count and breathe. I was fine just lying on my bed; I could count and breathe from there. If I could still myself and break this cycle while strengthening my seidr bond, why not? Win-win. This silly distraction with Thor had gone on long enough. Forget the pranks and the mischief for once, Loki.

_What is it that he said? You will always be the God of Mischief, but you could be so much more._

“Shut it. I’m meditating.”

_What more? What more can you be?_

“A hero, obviously. Then I was. And then I wasn’t. And now I’m nothing, so leave me be.” I sighed. “You’re talking to yourself, Loki.” 

The book went on to describe mental planes and planes of magic and emotional auras all wrapping in on each other, weaving through space-time to create the threads that are seidr. All things are connected. It is the magician who connects herself with these strands. 

“She plays with life as life plays out to our deaths,” I read aloud, thinking of Mother. Thinking of myself. Hearing the bullies of my childhood and their name calling. As I continued to read and remember and distract, wakefulness fell from my grasp as did the book. Time would move forward and release me from the bonds of the previous day until (I hoped) Thor had forgotten about our drunken romp and return to me a witless oaf. 

Of course, this was not the case. 

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the wonderfully kind words, comments, kudos, and such. I cannot, will not, and may not even. *mischief tears* Thxxx <3


	10. April 13th — The Prodigal Son Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor decides to come back or whatever...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note: I would like to thank everyone for your support. It has meant the world to me these past few weeks, at a time when I didn't know I needed it. But thank you, sincerely. <3 And now, please enjoy.

* * *

 

 

Friday marked one week since the incident and I had reckoned that if Thor was willing to ignore me without warning or explanation for an entire week, it truly may just last forever. Or perhaps a century. Even Tony made passing jokes about Thor avoiding Stark Tower after last week. 

“I guess we party too hard for him. I knew those orgy stories were bullshit.”

I chuckled and nodded, once again trying to appear natural and agreeable. Being a raving bitch wasn’t helping anyone, and if anything, it just made me appear more suspicious. Being grumpy and callous was one thing, but lying in wait to scratch eyes out… that wasn’t welcome in any capacity.

Without wasting any more of your time, I will move straight to the late afternoon. Being the God of Stories, I can tell when a narrator is becoming rather self-indulgent, which I bias toward on the regular. I’d returned home (upstairs) from work early to find Thor with his feet up in the Avenger’s lounge eating the last strawberry Pop Tart from the box. I’d made plans for that very Pop Tart and now Thor was ruining them with his stupid mouth on that stupid toaster pastry. His stupid, perfect lips and tongue lapping up the sugar.  _ Stop it, Mind. There is no time. _

“What are  _ you  _ doing here?” I asked, full of spite. “I didn’t realize you knew where this place was any longer.”

“Afternoon to you as well, brother.” He flashed that damnable smile of his. You know the one… ugh. “I didn’t realize you still dressed up as a witch.”

I resented his use of brother and his smile and his insult and stalked straight down the hall. No use socializing. We obviously couldn’t hold a normal conversation, so I would give up on him just as he did me. Abandon him, right? That’s fair. If only I had an obedience disk… hide it in a Pop Tart and—  

_ You make no sense.  _

Hush.

As I reached my door, the sound of heavy, hurried steps followed. “I’m sorry, Loki. Let’s not fight. I didn’t mean to barge in, but… do you have a moment?”

“What do you need a moment of mine for? Can you not get a moment from another? An Avenger perhaps?” 

He dropped his head. “I want to talk to you.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. We had fun last week, until we didn’t, and then you fucked off to New Asgard without saying a word. Sounds rather self-explanatory to me.” 

“Loki—”

“Or did you bring cake again? Plan on turning a prank on your mischievous brother? Well, I’m not hungry.” Though to be honest, if Thor had brought cake, I would have eaten it. I do not turn down cake. This is a rule I will not break, despite what my fractured mind would have you believe. “It looks as though you’ve wasted your time.”

“I need to talk to you.” Thor muscled his way into my chambers, the demand clear and without protest. When you are raised in royal court, especially as a crowned prince, the concept of No takes quite a bit of time to permeate if at all. Thor knew of No. Sometimes he accepted No, but if he believed himself to be righteous, then No was simply in the way of a much greater good. 

He stood in the middle of the room that had gone to complete shit in just a week. The discarded clothes still laid on the floor and vanity. The bed clothes tossed and twisted. Books had scattered across the floor and shelves. The curtains were drawn, leaving the room rather dark. 

_ Maybe you shouldn’t be alone in a dark room with him. _

I waved my hand, switching on the lights. The amber glow overhead lit Thor’s hair like golden spun wheat. Damn him. 

“What do you want then?” I kept my distance, leaning against the vanity and crossing my arms in front of my chest. A physical barrier needed to be drawn. No touching. No hand on neck business. No nothing. Thor seemed to be following suit, folding his own arms and keeping to the center of the room. 

“I want to talk about what happened.”

“Nothing happened.” I dropped my head and chuckled. “Oh, you mean… well, Verity and Lady Natasha and I had a bit of fun, too. Do you think they accosted me in my quarters to have a serious talk about it? When has talking been our strong suit, brother?”

“Forgive me. I didn’t realize they were your sisters.”

“Oh, are you comparing? Are you my sister now as well? Apologies. Well, I love you just as you are and I will aid you on this journey no matter what shape that may—”

“Loki, can you just take this seriously?” He cut himself off, frustrated sufficiently (as was my plan). “Can we cut out all this extra bullshit?”

“Language, Thor.”

“See, like that right there. Can you and I just speak and clear the air?”

Oh, that hit a chord. What it was and why it struck me like a tuning fork, sending vibrations across my seidr, I cannot say, but the strands tightened and strained. My fragmented mind unified with rage. My fingers tensed, longing for the comfort of a dagger in hand. I bolted forward, charging in on Thor. A finger pointing and jabbing into his sternum.

“Oh ho ho, you want to speak to me now because you are ready. What of me? You can go anywhere in the galaxy, but I’m trapped here to think and feel whatever I may. Have you asked? Have you worried? You can see the state of my quarters. I’ve not enough magic to throw a glamour over this entire room, so you see me just as I am. Living in this squalor. Well and good that you have decided it is time we talk about what you did to me.”

His mouth had fallen open sometime during my little speech and once finished, he closed it, swallowing a pregnant sigh. Something inside whined with guilt. He was hurt and ashamed. That should have fueled me, but it did not. I was emptier than I had been after crying my weight in tears. 

“I’m sorry,” said Thor, his voice gravel-like but timid. 

“Oh, you’re sorry?”

He looked up, piercing my eyes with his stare. “I am. Can you forgive me?”

“Oh.” Damn, I wasn't expecting that. “It’s… it’s fine.”

“I’m sorry for the kiss and leaving without words. I have been selfish.” His tone and jolly mood seemed so far away that I questioned ever having known the god. Who was this impostor? This Thor only showed his head in the most dire of straits. I remember him standing before the Destroyer apologizing for being a terrible brother so that I would spare the lives of his new mortal friends. Days before, he cared little for the lives of his comrades and myself. He led us marching to Jotunheim ready to start war and end a treaty of over a thousand years. What was this? Who was this?

“Yes, I’m…” I meant to chastise him, but the words would not come. I should have returned to the safe distance of the vanity, but I remained in arms’ length from him like a fool. “It’s forgiven.”

“Thank you, brother.” Thor stuffed his hands in jean jacket pockets. A jean jacket? Really? “There is one other thing, but can you do me a favor and not get angry.”

“I can’t promise you anything.”

“Well, don’t make fun then.”

“Again, no promises.”

He dropped his head with a bob, but this time to chuckle. The smile returned as he looked up again with a sigh. “I must confess that—” 

Oh no. I rushed him again and threw my palm against his mouth, as curious and mildly arousing as it was to do. “No, no. You needn’t say another word.” But Thor is stronger than most everyone, including myself. Physical gestures and rough housing do not end in my victory, but I was desperate. 

With little effort, Thor tore my hand away. “Let me speak.”

“Not when you’re going to say something stupid.”

“Loki, still your words.” He would not be stifled. I was going to be made to listen because Thor wasn’t taking kindly to No. Either I would step back and hear him, or he would wrestle me to the ground and I would be made to. The later, while enticing, seemed like a horrible idea. “I felt something… when we kissed. My heart and… my body reacted, that’s why I left in such a hurry. I’ve stayed away because of the shame. I thought you may not want to see me.” There he went, being kind and lovely again. Idiot. 

“Well, next time, maybe ask me what I want.”

“Did you hear what I said?” He cocked a brow. 

“So? We were drunk. It doesn’t count.”

Thor’s brow furrowed as if struggling to express his turmoil. Oh, I knew it well. “But I’ve been unable to get it out of my mind.”

“You’ll get over it.”

“So just like that? You’re fine with this and—”

“I hardly have morals, so why would I care about a bit of incestual fantasy?” I laughed and bit my lip, pretending to be cool, beyond emotion, and absolutely in charge. “What can I say… I’m enchanting.”

This wasn’t over though. Confession delivered and accepted, but Thor did not seem satisfied. What more did he have to say? What more did he want? Was he expecting reciprocation? Not only had he come here on his terms, he had desired that I fall into his arms, brother to lascivious brother? 

“What more?” I demanded. “You look as though someone stole your last Pop Tart, but wait. No. You stole mine.”

“I’ll get more.”

“Good. I want cherry this time. Watching you eat the strawberry flavor sickened me.”

“Did you feel anything?” Thor returned the subject and just when I’d had us arguing delightfully again. “That night, did you—”

“Oh, I knew you wouldn’t let it go. Now you assume that I would feel for you just because—”

“I ask because of your actions.”

“I was drunk. You’re a good kisser; what can I say,  _ brother _ .” 

“Even now you seem nervous, like you’re hiding something. You yell at me for abandoning you, yet you pretend everything is fine. What should I take from that?” Thor gestured to the state of my quarters. “Tell me, did you feel something?”

“Your oafish body suffocating me.”

“Yes or no.”

I dropped my gaze and stepped back to the safety of the vanity. Not that the vanity was particularly safe, but it was grounding and far enough that Thor would need to take quite a few steps to approach me. “No.”

“But can you look me in the eye and say that?”

“Why do you refuse my answer? Can you not believe that your affections are not returned? Must I, along with the whole of Asgard and Midgard, desire you? Oh, Thor who is the Golden God, the rightful prince, the heir apparent, the exemplar of perfection! None so sculpted as the God of Thunder and Fertile Fields.”

“Loki…”

“No, you misunderstood my actions. I played with you. Toyed with you. I’m a cat in a cage and you let me out to chase mice, so I did. And we argued as we always do. And you kissed me and it felt good. Nothing more.”

“Nothing more.” Thor nodded. “Then you would have no qualms with another?” Damn that smile. 

“Why in all the realms would you want to do that?”

“You said we were drunk, so I assume this is all just a misunderstanding, right?” He laughed and a buzz of electricity tickled my spine. “I mean, when you put it that way… when I really think about it, how could I possibly covet romantic feelings toward you, brother?”

“Romantic?” That shocked me, in addition to the actual shock.

“Sexual, whatever. Sort of the same.”

“Not really.”

“You’re not even my type.” He crossed his arms and rolled back and forth on his feet. “I’ve never gone for someone like you before. Weaselly, greasy—”

“Yes, well, I get it. This was all a mistake. Don’t rub it in.”  _ Why are you upset? He’s backing off with bravado to protect his ego. You’ve rejected him. Maintain your victory.  _ “You’re just mad because you’ve been rejected.”

“Not mad. Only surprised that I let this bother me so. Silly, isn’t it? Just as you said. We were drunk. It doesn’t count.”

“Right.”

“Jane was wrong.” He took a calm step forward.

“Mhm.”

“You didn’t feel anything.” Another step.

I looked to the mess on the floor, then the bed… remembering what had happened here just one week prior. I shook my head. 

Once I returned my gaze, Thor stood in front of me, still a comfortable distance away, though he was rather close or close enough to approach me without time for escape. The dampers had only been lifted enough to cast simple feats of telekinesis and glamour. So no fake Lokis and no transformation into the form of a snake for easy hiding. Definitely no teleportation.

“Since you felt nothing, another kiss to ensure my feelings are a mistake would not hurt, would it?” 

_ You’re trapped now. You’ve set yourself up and Thor knows you far too well to be tricked so easily. He ruined your first prank and now this. Are you even the God of Mischief anymore? Maybe it is time to hang up your crown and concede to the new—   _

“Well, what are you waiting for? Play your game. Test your feelings out on me.” 

Thor’s haughty expression faltered for a moment as though he was saddened. Oh, did he care about my feelings all of a sudden? I could have laughed right then if it weren’t for his slow approach, closing the gap betwixt us. Why were we doing this again? Why did we kiss in the library? Why did we kiss a week ago?

“I’m not testing you, Loki,” he spoke so close that I could feel the wind of each word as it left him. The voice of my fragmented mind did not speak, rather we existed as one. Trapped within my own body, slave to the anticipation of Thor’s lips. I would not admit to desire, but I could not deny need. My fingernails dug into the edge of the vanity, bracing myself. I would not cling to him as I had before. My arms would stay put. He could touch and grope and grab all he wanted, but I would remain stoic. Thor was never to know my secret. I would not let him. 

“I am testing myself,” he said, finishing off the final words to be spoken before this final kiss. After this, there would be no reason ever to kiss again. Never. 

_ Never ever. _

I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I acted out. 

“Oh, I’m a pawn for your test now?” I shoved Thor though he didn’t go far. It was a playful shove, but my tone was serious. I was posturing. “Why don’t you just take me on the bed then? Test all of your Mighty Self out on your undesirable little brother. No one should care, right?”

“Loki.” He took my arm and I yanked it back. He reached again, but I pulled away. Back and forth we went until this argument turned into a tussle. I tripped on clothing and collapsed to the floor, kicking Thor in the shin and causing him to take to one knee. With a jolt, I reached for the dagger beneath my pillow, but Thor grabbed my wrist before I could retrieve the blade. Left and right, we swung. I took his free wrist into my hand just to even the score, but Thor’s mass overpowered me, pushing me to the floor, surrounded by all the forgotten articles of clothing I had tried on just to impress him. I could have laughed to tears at my pathetic plunderings and wonderings and… 

But none matter now. 


	11. April 13th — The Perfidious Son Endures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor gets an answer to the question at hand...

* * *

 

 

This is where I met you. The beginning of my tale began in the middle of a rather rifled scene. You may wonder how I could possibly tell a story as it is happening, but you may have forgotten that I am a god and can do a great many things beyond your comprehension. I can exist in several planes at once. Not to mention, I am an accomplished magician and sorcerer. So there.

To be kind, I’ll continue in past tense so as not to tear the fragile fabric of your mortal reality. You really are such a hopeless lot. How can you stand it?

 

~~~

 

Thor held me pinned as the tundra of my heart raced. There was no motion to rid him of me. I could not escape and struggle had wasted to a tire. 

“Are you done?” he asked, flatly. Annoyed, perhaps? I was glad of it. Attention is attention and I would settle for this since we never would be more. Never could. 

_ Why not? _

Shut up.

So I jerked one final time before settling back into defeat. Thor’s stormy gaze set upon me with trepidation. Did he fear my next move or his own? I calmed myself through soothing my seidr, resting my expression to that of indifference while my body stilled a quiver from being held beneath him. How often did we return to this arrangement of bodies? Only now did we stare with intent. I wished to blame him for everything that had ever happened and I’m sure he wished to blame his debauched desires upon me. Who was at fault? Did it matter? I smirked and tilted my head, as if to say, ‘What now, brother?’ though I did not speak because I could form words no longer. 

The color in Thor’s eye flickered, like a sudden jolt of lightning across the sky. The clouds parted and a bit of crystal blue came through, coaxing me out into his sunlight. Thor was warm and I was cold. The silvery moon to his golden sun. I hoped that I could remain his other half, though I had fought it all my life. What fabulous irony! This was the mantle I was meant to take, but could not fathom for my own selfish ambition. And now beneath him on a messy floor… our kingdom destroyed… our parents deceased… our people endangered species… the tundra of my heart did threaten to melt. My breath caught in my throat before anything had happened. Anticipation rattled my core. He could not back down. Not now. I needed him to do it. To test himself and decide whether this confession had been nothing more than a mistake. Hypnosis, base desire, or longing for a past lost to ashes. Could this be sincere? I had to know. I had to feel it for myself. 

_ But what will you do once it’s over? _

Once it’s over?

There was no time to question the voice in my head as Thor’s hesitation drew a line of tension down the fabric of our seidr. Where the strands met. The lightest, hottest blue threads against my cool, pliant greens. The line tightened and twisted until my stomach ached. Then the line drew shorter. No, Thor drew closer. He was coming for me. Lowering not only his lips, but body unto mine own. Though I had intended to remain still and resilient, my head lifted just a bit to meet him a moment sooner. My body betrayed me. It would always betray me when Thor was at stake. For in that limbo between the floor and Thor’s lips, the lies I had told myself lost all purpose and power. 

Like a crash of lightning, Thor’s lips struck mine. A sweet collision. A sudden shock. A spark burst within as I welcomed his tongue to taste me. This was not a mad rush for pleasure or a challenge for superiority. Thor seemed to be searching for something, licking gingerly into my mouth, asking with nuance for entrance. Pressing with purpose. Pulling back with a smack of moisture, before pushing into my mouth again. 

His tongue lapped light against mine just once before sealing our lips, pressing for faith and fraternity and fealty. It was a kiss of passion. Of devotion and promise. And if my brother felt nothing for me beyond innocence, then he had definitely stolen the title of Liesmith from me. Evenly matched; fairly won.

When Thor broke away, he was still straddling me, seeming content there. Maybe he liked it or perhaps he feared my escape. An escape of the pitiful it would have been. 

“So what is your verdict?” I asked with playful cruelty, despite the throb in my chest after a kiss so passionate and all-consuming. (Though I found it impossible to hide my blush or stop from panting.)

“You were wrong.” He smirked, but the playful expression drained quietly. “It looks as though I hold unbrotherly feelings toward you.”

“Ah.”

“And you?”

“I’ve already answered.”

“You’ve yet to look me in the eye, Loki. I want a straight answer.”

“None of my answers are straight.” I giggled and wriggled up onto my elbows. “Will you let me up?”

“Yes or no.” Thor allowed me a solid moment to respond, but I did not, because I could not. Then he leaned forward and cupped my face with his hands. Oh, his hands. Was he going to kiss me again? If I fought, would he wrestle me to the floor again? If I could reach my dagger, would he— “Loki, it’s simple. Do you hold unbrotherly feelings for me?”

But it was not simple. It was the furthest from simple anything had ever been. This was far greater than emotion. If we were to share these misguided feelings, it would ruin Thor’s life. Maybe I was made to balance him, but he was not made for me. He was a hero. He was the king of all kings. He was now the All-Father. He could not be tied down to the agent of chaos. The reason for Ragnarok. The… monster even the jotuns could not be rid of.

I had to do it. I had to set him free. With all the might and seidr and fortitude, I dragged myself up, sitting upright (though my legs were still trapped beneath him), daring his eye to question my gaze. My mouth opened and my tongue tossed out a single word. The word no crowned prince nor king nor god ever wants to hear: 

“No.”

 

~~~

 

Thor had nodded. Had scrambled to his feet. His apologies were pathetic and sorrowful. The god was filled with shame, though I assured him all was fine. He just needed a couple days and all would be forgotten. 

“Blame the dance of the undulating snakes. Though I didn’t think it worked so well on brothers.” I laughed. Thor chuckled. He wiped his mouth in a daze. I walked him out, hand on his back. 

“You’re truly not upset?”

“Forgotten.”

“We have lost so much in such a short time and I would hate myself if I had ruined what little we have left.”

“Thor,” I said earnestly, taking his neck just as he had always done me. “For all that I have hated you, this does not make the list. I expect my brother to return here whence he is ready.” 

With a nod, Thor exited to the northside balcony, taking the Not-Bifrost back to New Asgard. My dampers did not allow me access to said balcony at all. Safety precautions. Somehow I missed him. I bit my lip and tasted him on my tongue. 

_ Back to your room, little Loki, before the tears come. _

Tony stopped me before I could get very far, exiting the elevator with a briefcase. He jiggled it in my direction and opened it atop the bar. “Gimme those dampers. I just redesigned the mechanism that—” 

“I care not what it does. Just do what you must.”

“Wow, somebody’s cranky.” He pursed his lips, then paused to look me over. “What’s with your clothes?”

I hadn’t noticed, but my suit separates had become rather shuffled after all that wrestling and such. I weaved my fingers together and held out my wrists. 

“We wrestled. I tried to stab him.”

“I’ll assume that’s typical.” Tony removed the braces and connected the same old bracelets housing new tech with his contraption. “What’s with your hands?”

“What?”

“Your fingers are folded together weird. Is this an incantation or something? FRIDAY scan him for… for anything.”

I rolled my eyes. “Tony, I’m not… I’m just folding my hands. It’s an Asgardian gesture.”

“So I can ask Thor about it then.”

“Yes, you could, but he’s gone and… are we done here?”

Tony nodded with a shrug. There was no time for further socialization. I could only hold onto my tears for so long. My woven fingers prayed for time. I held tight to my seidr for security and calm. I was a star, beaming with energy streaming out into the universe in all directions. ‘I am a ball of light bringing forth life,’ I whispered to myself, hurrying to my bed chambers. ‘I am the center of nothing attached to everything.’ Seconds, mere seconds, spread before the impending explosion. My steps quickened until I was running down the hall, slapping my hand against the console, and throwing myself behind the door. 

 

~~~

 

_ There he is. The God of Tears taking up his mantle once more. Oh, this look suits you. Eyes ringed with red, saline coating the parched skin of your cheeks. I wonder who might like this look on you. Do you think Thor desires such debauchery? A face covered in tears, gasping for air, mouth open, choking on his—   _

“Stop!” I flipped the mirror around in one fell swing. Breaking it would have been more satisfying, but that would have alerted Tony. No need for alarm. I was only arguing with myself.

_ My apologies for that lewd suggestion, but you do see how silly this all is. All you need to do is admit your pathetic truth and you’ll feel so much better.  _

“I’ve nothing to say.” To the floor I returned, remembering Thor pinning me down and kissing me with tenderness. 

_ Lying is a wonderful tool, but it’s just sad to lie to oneself. Let’s get it out now. Let’s talk about our feelings. Keeping everything bottled up only makes for a violent Loki. We don’t want that.  _

Rolling to my side, I took in a breath that held Thor’s scent and sighed. “What do you want to hear? That I love Thor? That I have loved him in the wrong way far longer than I had ever realized?”

_ It’s a start.  _ The voice seemed to chuckle, but the sound broke away from my ears.  _ What upsets you so? I have my guess, but—   _

“You’re me, so do tell.”

_ Ha, ha, this is true. Firstly, you want to be special and loving Thor is the least unique thing about you. Who doesn’t love him? Who doesn’t desire him? You are a thing in a long line of followers and there is no way to stand out as you are.  _

“Lovely.”

_ Then, of course, there is the reality of Thor’s affections. They are new. They would not have been discovered if not for your meddling, so how deeply does this incestuous passion truly lie? No, MORE than that. It’s far worse than that. Not only have you desired him for centuries to his… say, week? But your love is shameful. You are the sick, depraved brother who tricks and plays seduction games. Even in Thor’s lapse of judgment, he goes to you humbly. He confesses to you with honor. He apologizes for his desire. What have you done with your love? You have threatened and weaponized it. You have lied.  _

My tears did not cease, though they quieted as I reflected over the words in my mind. “Yes, I am all of these things you say.”

_ And now that you have resolved to reject his love… do you think yourself charitable? Are you protecting Thor or yourself? Do not lie to me. I am you. You are me.  _

“Both.” I sobbed heavily for a moment, struggling to pet the quaking seidr beneath the veil. “I protect myself for all the reasons you have set before me, especially from the heartache I will no doubt endure once he comes to his senses. But I also protect Thor from his idealistic love of me and all the problems I would cause. From the heroic life that he would risk and all the friendships and kinships he would lose for such a coupling. Not only am I his brother, I am Loki. Both cannot be forgiven easily.” I turned over and sobbed once more, the sounds muffled by fabric and seidr. 

_ I can agree with you there. You are pernicious to the root. Even though these leaves are bright green and flower adorned, there is no changing the root, nor the seed from which you sprung.  _

“Leave me be. This pain is cruel enough without your spurning.” 

The voice did not return that night, though I could hear muffled whimpers and snickers in some far off distance. While madness had become normal, it was no less disquieting. 


	12. Thru the Ides of April — Brothers in Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brothers being brothers... just brothers... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thxxx for putting up with all the angst. <3 hope you don't hate me too much!

* * *

 

 

As suggested, Thor took a few days to himself to still the longing in his chest. It didn’t go away though. And when he returned, he wasn’t quite the ‘brother’ I had requested. The love and desire still flashed behind his eye. The fluttering smiles and hidden glances did not go unnoticed. I could have stabbed him if I were allowed to do that sort of thing. But I didn’t!

“You’ve come over to watch this movie, so watch it.” I snapped my fingers to reheat the popcorn in his lap. Okay, I couldn’t help flirting a bit. I’m just horrid. 

“Well, that’s quite the sensation.”

“Watch the movie and stop looking at me.”

He’d brought over  _ Highlander _ . The special effects were painful to view, but the film reminded me of tales our grand uncle used to tell. All mystical, clandestine bullshit. When the theme song played, Thor recited the lyrics, which was rather questionable as this was supposed to be a first time viewing. 

“Here we are,” he said, flatly. Spoken-word style. “Born to be kings. We are the Princes of the Universe. Here we belong.”

“You’re an idiot.”

He jumped to his feet. “Fighting to survive in a world with the darkest power!” In an aside: “That’s you. You’re the darkest power.” 

“Sit down. You dance like a possessed imp.” I tugged him back to the sofa as he laughed and sang to the song. His body jerking with awkward moves as I swatted him in the arm. Of course, this ended with him looking at me with longing again. He missed this. Hel, I missed this. But we could not be anything more, so this longing had to stop. “Thor, you can’t keep looking at me like this. I cannot give you what you want.”

“And I’m the fool, eh?”

“Excuse me?”

“You already give me what I want, Loki.” Damn his beauteous smile as he lounged back on the sofa looking up at me with contentment and love and honesty. He could go on with my innocent, brotherly affections and be fulfilled. How dare he commit incestuous love without seeming like a debauched troll? Not fair. 

“Shut it. You know how much I hate sentiment.”

“I’m not being sentimental.” True, he wasn’t.

“Still.” 

He needed to stop being so lovely and endearing before I was forced to kiss him and start this whole confusing mess all over again. 

 

~~~

 

Our brotherly companionship increased as the days drew on. It seemed Thor was visiting me every other day just to spend time. And this was on top of his meetings with the Avengers. On top of the fact that Thor was the King of New Asgard. 

“You might want to take your job a bit more seriously. I’m sure your subjects may anger over these visits.” We sat in the lounge as usual because being alone was not wise. He’d brought an Asgardian meal wrapped as a picnic spread, basket and all. Breads, jams, cured meats and cheese. Mead, but only a bit. Of course, there was pudding. Chocolate this time and oh, so very glorious.

“I was not meant to rule alone. You know that.”

I nodded.

“I have considered… I have wondered… why not remove the monarchy? Allow New Asgard to be a free state.”

“Oh, then I could run for office rather than wait around for you to die.” I giggled, licking chocolate from my fork and doing my best not to be alluring about it. “Or I could just kill you myself.”

“My enemies tell me I’m stubborn.”

“Coming from an old enemy, you are the most stubborn foe.” I leaned in, then poked him aggressively in the side with my fork. “But you never expect this move.”

“Maybe I just let you do it.”

“Okay, okay!” came a clamouring voice from the bar. Tony was making drinks because, as he always said, it was five o’clock somewhere. “Get a room you two. Creeps me out.”

Thor flipped around. “What have we done now?” 

“Nothing maybe? I’m an only child. Maybe I don’t get it. Drinks?” Tony poured a round without asking, rather usual, and served us, rather unusual. “Hey, Thor, so the weather… it’s been really hot and cold lately.”

“Oh? And you’re blaming me because—”

“You literally have the power to make thunderstorms.” He sat before us on the coffee table, blocking my reach to the pudding. I wanted to kill him. “And you’re here… a lot.”

“Should I leave?”

“No, but…”

I chimed in. “Could you get to your point?”

“I’m suspicious of you, Loki. Maybe I’ve been too lax with you, but Thor’s mood had been all over the place and when his mood is weird, the weather is weird. And why is he away from his kingdom so much? Are you trying to—”

“I don’t want to be king. I don’t even want to go to New Asgard. Call Verity in if you don’t believe me.” I crossed my arms, feeling rather accomplished with my defense as the truth, but then the clouds rolled in and a sudden storm washed over the city. “Damn.” When I turned to Thor, he was looking rather melancholic. Tony was just about to start in on us again, when Thor placed his mighty hand upon his shoulder. 

“Friend, I have not been myself since Jane and I parted ways. I must admit that controlling my powers without Mjolnir has been difficult even with Mjolnir Junior, but know that there is no ill intent on the part of my brother. He has done well to follow the rules we have enforced upon him so unjustly. Please take up these qualms with me.” Thor released Tony, then said to me, “I should probably get going. I’ll visit again… when I can.”

I tugged at my seidr to hold the tears at bay. How dare Tony ruin what little time I had with my brother? We were getting along so famously. He had brought back such wonderful gifts from home. His home. The home I had just denounced. Though we had never spoken of it, I supposed that Thor assumed I would return there with him once the world leaders allowed it. He was so naive that I would ever be free to leave New York without total banishment from Midgard, but I would not do anything to jeopardize what little I had left. 

 

~~~

 

At work, the following day, Verity had enough of my silence, poking me in the leg with a pen. 

“Are you stabbing me?” I grinned. “That’s my move.”

“I thought we were friends.”

“We are.” I turned to her and crossed my legs. “What has you upset?”

“It’s been days since we talked about… you know. And I’m dying for updates. Besides, you’ve been… pleasant.”

“I can be pleasant.” 

“When you want something or you’re talking to me… maybe Tony. But you were pleasant to that one intern you used to prank with the snake illusions.” 

I chuckled to myself. Those were good pranks. I mean, it is rather old and simple, but who doesn’t love a surprise snake first thing in the morning and the screams of a frightened intern who refuses to address you properly. [Author’s Note: If I do not know you, don’t call me Loki. Refer to me as Prince Loki Odinson of Asgard, rightful heir to the kingdom of Jotunheim. Is that not simple enough?] 

“And why was there a storm last night?” She jabbed me in the leg again.

“Fine. Silence?”

“Eternally.”

I explained with as little detail as possible that Thor seemed to believe he was in love with me. Her jaw fell to the desk, figuratively. I didn’t actually detach her jaw. That’s called a Hel Gasp on Asgard, by the way.

“So… you’re just gonna pretend you don’t reciprocate?”

“Precisely.” I turned to my computer, but she spun me back around. So I huffed and fixed my tie, pretending to be annoyed though I truly enjoyed the attention. 

“No, that’s weird.”

“You think I should allow my brother to court me?”

She winced. “Um, is that what I’m saying? Maybe? The more I think about it, you’re alien god people who practically live forever. Maybe it doesn’t matter.”

“I think you read too much trash romantic drivel.”

“Have you been on my Tumblr?” She blushed.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing.” Verity took a gulp of water, then pointed at me. “You should tell him.”

“And why would I do that?”

“Because it’s gonna eat you up inside until you burst and then it’ll be too much or too late.”

Now I laughed off Verity’s concerns at the time because my fragmented mind hadn’t spoken up. The inner-turmoil had quieted. Sure, that little upset with Tony wasn’t ideal, but generally, things were going fine. I could lie for a thousand years, I’d already been lying to myself that long. What was a little suppressed passion between brothers? She did not understand that Thor would get over me soon enough. There was no reason to confess my love, if another were to come around the corner. It was bound to happen in some form or another. What if Sif finally returned to the realm? They’d always had a bit of an on-again, off-again thing. 

Admittedly, such thoughts were upsetting. As much as I thrived on the attention this new, doting Thor gave, I knew it wouldn’t last. I knew he must have been under a little bit of a spell (lacking all magic though it was), manipulated just enough to convince him of this love. And he had said it himself, he never went for others like me. What was the attraction, if any at all? Maybe his brotherly affection was just so intense that my unbrotherly desire transferred over. 

_ Oh, that’s an interesting idea. _

“Not you again.” I stood before the mirror in my quarters that weekend, questioning my allure. I stood in a slack dress and leggings. My hair had grown a bit and I wanted to view the cascade of it over my bare shoulders. Plus, I do enjoy a good dress from time to time. 

_ Yes, what exactly are you?  _

“I’m me. That’s as far as I care to answer.”

_ You’re you. How vague.  _

“I don’t need you to remind me how weird I am. How confusing I am. How… I just don’t need an extra voice in my head tearing me to shreds.” The reflection of the dress hanging from my sturdy shoulders down my smooth and slim torso… I liked it well enough, but I knew this wasn’t normal. Not for Asgard, not for Midgard. The elves of Alfheim liked my odd sense fine as did a hand full of witches and wizards on Vanaheim. They’re a much more fluid people. To be honest, I did not couple well on Asgard despite the sexual openness. They held strong to their ideals of beauty for men (shapeshifting being quite the no-no) and unless we housed visitors from Alfheim or Vanaheim, my conquests ended at maidens wishing to bed my brother. Or lads trying to get their sisters to bed my brother. How rude and resentful. 

[Author’s Note: Yes, I was popular on Sakaar. Yes, the Grandmaster advanced me to his side because he desired this odd person I’m self-conscious of being. I’m not getting into it right now.]

“I know this is all temporary… his affections. Just leave me.” Though I wanted to look away, I stilled my gaze upon the reflection

_ What about Verity’s words? What if it all blows up in your face? _

“It will blow up whether I tell him or not, but I will not drag Thor down with me.”

_ Sounds like love, Loki.  _

I soothed my seidr and did not respond, imagining the star shooting out in all directions from my core. As I meditated, there came a knock upon my door. For once, I welcomed an intruder. I shook out my dampers, two black bangles, expecting Tony, but it was Thor. 

“Oh, I thought you might… not return for some time.” I gulped nervously and looked down at my gray dress and worried over my shoulders, bare but for the straps. I did not dress this way around Thor. I don’t know why, but I felt shameful when he saw me. Perhaps it is his resemblance to Odin. Perhaps it is his place as the All-Father. I took a breath and resisted the urge to bow. 

“I thought I might not either.” He held a bag of fast food betwixt us, but I couldn’t look away from the white shirt that clung to him so savagely. “I’m sorry about the other day. I had never heard you so adamant about New Asgard… or that you did not wish to—”

“It was really just for Tony to get off my case. I don’t know what the future holds.”

Thor fell into a brief smile. His eye drifted down my clothing as if just noticing. “I’m not sure that I’ve ever seen your shoulders before. Or your collarbone.”

“I will change.”

“No, you needn’t change. You are at home.” He seemed to force a smile. The word home must have hurt. “Do you dress this way often?”

“Sometimes.”

“It’s nice.” He dropped his gaze, running his hand over the back of his head. “You still look like a witch though.” 

We shared a laugh as I followed him to the lounge. Somehow I worried not for the dress that hung from my frame. FRIDAY queued a movie for us, though I did not pay attention to it. Thor told stories of New Asgard, simple fishing tales. Our people were warriors and conquerors no more and these small stories did warm me. Korg had fallen into the harbor and it took ten fishers to drag the soggy man of rocks to the pier. 

“You would have caught your death with laughter.”

“I’m sure I would.” 

“Val ordered all the blow dryers in the village be brought round to dry him. It took days.” His laughter boomed with that cadence I knew so well. He reached into the bag and pulled out a french fry. 

“Give me one.”

“You wasted them last time, so I ordered none for you.”

“I want one now.”

“Here.” He sighed and held one out to me. Just like children, I thought. But unlike children, I brushed my lip against his thumb as I took the fry into my mouth. For that, I received a glare. “Don’t.”

“Another.”

“Aren’t we demanding?”

“Yes, very. I worried that you would not return.”

“You worried?” Thor leaned in with a haughty grin. “You missed me then?”

“Don’t push it. Another.”

He held another french fry to me, but this time, I licked his finger. Only a bit. You could hardly call it a proper lick. 

“Loki, please. Why do you push me so? This may be funny for you, but my feelings do not lessen.” He looked over his shoulder, then back to me. “If anything, they grow.”

“Why do you hide?”

“I hide out of respect for you. This is not simply my tale to tell.”

“But you will tell of Korg’s misadventures.” I’m not sure why I was arguing at this point. Old habits die hard and all that? 

“This is different.”

“Another.”

Thor tried to hand over the bag, but I refused it. With a sigh of reluctance, he held a fry to me and winced as my mouth opened around it. I don’t know why I was doing this. I was pushing him. I was going to blow my cover if I continued down this path. But to look at him with his clean trim and smooth skin and firmness and kindness and that fucking white shirt!

_ It’s practically sheer the way it pulls across his muscles. _

Right?!

I closed my lips around his forefinger and thumb, grabbed his wrist before he could pull away and sucked the salt from each digit. Thor watched me do this, but when our eyes met, he jolted back. 

“Enough! This is a cruel game you play at, Loki.” He stood, dropping the bag on the table. A hot wave of blush ran over his face, but I could not tell whether this was arousal or anger. Maybe both. “Why do you do this?”

“Because I’m horrid. I am… a monster.” 

“No.” He sighed. “I haven’t been the best either.”

“Do you remember… my first kiss?” My hand shook as I reached for him, coaxing him back to the sofa. He nodded and groaned with the weight of guilt that a god has carried far and beyond. I didn’t know what I was doing and that damned voice refused to chime in when I needed it to stop me. But I could no longer maintain the ruse. I’m chaos and I’m mischief and I’m greed and I’m lust. Above all, I hate myself beyond reproach, but Thor loved me, or so he said. Thor liked the way I looked even in this dress, or so he said. And my lie was hurting him. Maybe Verity was right and Thor deserved to know my feelings just as I had deserved to know his. When I put it that way, it made all of the sense. 

“Yes, what of your first kiss?”

“Another,” I said, leaning toward him. 

“I’m not playing that with you anymore.”

“Not the french fries.”

“Oh?” Thor caught on far too late, my impish request for a kiss. I suppose that I could have demanded it or even taken the lead, but I wanted Thor to come to me. I wanted him to want me much more than I could stand. He looked around before sliding his hands up my bare arms and shoulders, settling thumbs on my collarbone. One hand found my neck and jaw as he planted his lips upon mine most tenderly. We were vulnerable. Any Avenger could walk into the lounge. They would see Thor wrapping his brother (their enemy) in a romantic embrace, kissing him with earnest and passion. Opening his mouth wide to drink him in. 

Thor broke away with a breathless: “Why?”

“Don’t stop.”

“Is this just for pleasure?” His eye worried, lines wrinkled over his forehead. “I can’t—”

“No.” I kissed him chaste upon his eyepatch. “I’ve been lying to you most criminally, I’m afraid.” I stood, looking over the mess of wrappers on the table, and held out my hand. “I can explain much more clearly in my chambers if you would join me.”

“No tricks?”

“Only the most enjoyable.”

Thor took my hand and I do not think he has ever placed more trust in me. 


	13. April’s End — Rutting Like Night-mares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a first time for everything...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I may be away this weekend, I shall spoil you lovelies with two chapters this night. <3

* * *

 

 

“First things come first, Thor. I need to know if you truly desire me or is this something projected from my own insecurities or have you grown to find me attractive over time or are you hoping that I’ll let you ruin me with a glamour of some mistress or—”

Thor had been sitting on the bed for a bit looking at me with confusion and mild annoyance. (My chambers were clean, in case you were wondering.) That spiel wasn’t really the first thing. The first thing was another round of kissing against the door. Then the vanity. Then I shoved him onto the bed and commenced to lecturing. 

“Where is all this coming from?” he asked.

“I’ve been thinking quite a lot while keeping this lie.”

“What is your lie exactly?”

“No, you have to answer me first.” 

“Loki,” he said, reaching for my hands, but they were busy on my hips, looking very perturbed. So he took me by the waist and pulled me close, looking up at me with all the golden sunshine of Asgard’s royal palace. How dare he. “You have always been beautiful.”

“No one thinks me beautiful.”

“I do.”

“I’m odd.”

“You’re you.” Oh, by the roots of Yggdrasil, I nearly wept when he said that. 

“Stop,” I hissed. “You play me for a fool.”

“Not at all. Though odd you may be, that is what makes you remarkable.” Thor took my hands in his, kissing each at the knuckle. “You asked whether I desire you… without influence or suggestion. Aye, I do. There have been several occasions that I cursed my eyes for what they saw in you.” 

“Now it’s just one eye.”

“And I curse it no longer.” 

We remained in silence, the moment heavy with wait and want. I did not speak for fear of uttering harsh words or demanding more from him than I deserved. Thor did not speak, though I did not know why. He seemed to be waiting for something in particular, but I knew not what to give. 

“I’ve answered,” he said after much time. With a swift tug, he pulled me onto his lap. I hadn’t realized such a motion could be so arousing. “Now tell me what you’ve been lying about.”

“Oh, I… I lied about my feelings, but I’m sure you’ve guessed that by now.”

“I just wanted to hear you say it.” He smiled wide and kissed me. The smug, arrogant bastard. “I knew it. I was right.”

“Don’t show off.”

Rather than gloat further, Thor strengthened his grasp around my waist and back, massaging the muscles there as he nibbled at my neck. Biting my lip was all that I could do to still my moans, the pressure of kneading fingers surging through my core down to my toes. But why should I quiet these lustful murmurs? Our confessions had been laid bare. There remained no need to hide. (Well, I suppose we should have been wary of noise with the possibility of Avengers around. Taking heed of that reminder, I cast a sound dampening spell over my quarters.) 

Something gnawed at me though. Love and satisfaction did not come quickly to this Loki. Thor and I had argued for such a brief period that this reward felt undeserved. Was this a ruse? Was this the work of demons from my past? There are quite a few of those. The catch must have been waiting around the corner. 

_You’re being paranoid. There lies only one element to worry that pretty head over._

Wait, what? What is it?

_Once you take this step, there is no turning back._

Thor was busy sliding his fingers beneath the hem of my dress, sending warm tingling sparks across my skin. From thigh to flank to hip. Oh, why does my mind torture me so? 

“Wait,” I spoke breathlessly. Thor pulled back with a look of worry stitched to his glorious face. (Yes, yes. I can admit that now. He’s stunning. Balder the Beautiful has nothing on the Mighty Thor. Do you know what his thighs feel like sitting atop them? Of course, you don’t, but I could climb him like a mountain and… never you mind.) “Are you sure about all this?”

“Aye.”

“Because once we cross this line… this undoubtedly intimate impermeable line… we may never return from whence we came.”

Thor nodded. “We’ve forgiven much worse. And if this be a mistake, I will gladly make it with you and spend the next century atoning for our sin.”

None could be said better and no reason to question him further. Those words filled me deeper than… well, I supposed I was about to find out just how deeply I could be filled.

This witless oaf (who is far more witty and oafless than I care to give him credit for) knew exactly how charming his words were, flashing a grin most charismatic and lifting me with great ease. It was as if my body bore no resistance at all, rising and falling to the bed at Thor’s whim. It seemed I was learning more and more about myself. Perhaps I did enjoy the sensation of being lifted and tossed about. Get Help lacked the sensual aspect of ‘let me toss you to the bed and mount you.’ No, Get Help never involved mounting. Or beds for that matter.

Thor tore away his jacket and shirt as he pushed his way between my legs. I remained paralyzed on the bed, unable to fathom that this was actually happening. Thor and I. My brother… Oh dear me. Should I stop him? No, I didn’t want that. Why should I even consider such a thing? Perhaps my offer to halt these actions was not for Thor. Thor was sure of himself. When he knew what he wanted, well, he _knew what he wanted._ I was the opposite and always have been. Apprehensive. Sneaky. The last to know of my own desires. How had I gone so long not realizing that I lusted for Thor so intensely? And now I was afraid. I had opened up to the Golden God and was prepared to give myself unto him, but there was no guarantee that this would work. None at all. No guarantee he would not find another. No guarantee that I would not fall to old patterns and commit some atrocity even Thor could not forgive. He could tell me of his love and his attraction, but how could I ever believe him when I hated myself so completely? 

Looking at him now with that sculpted torso that would be named godly even if he were only mortal, the encompassing gaze of the wisest eye, the sharp jaw and smooth beard and all the warmth of harvest blooming from his soul, I began to cry softly. Unable to control my pathetic self. 

“Loki, what’s wrong?”

“You’re much too good.” I cupped my face and turned my head, half hard and shamed. “You should leave me now while these actions are forgettable.”

“Have you heard anything I’ve—”

“It matters not!” I shouted through my fingers. “You cannot mean what you say. Even if you feel it true, it… it cannot…” My tears clogged the passage for my words. Why did I always cry? Why did I ruin all good things? Our brotherhood especially, time and again. 

But Thor would not allow for it now. 

“You self-sabotage, Loki.” He pulled my hands away, though I did little to resist. “You hid your affections from me for protection. I will protect myself and I will protect you. And now that we are here, you fear that no one may love you as I claim?” He cradled my head in his hands and brushed the tears from my eyes. “Will you trust me to prove you wrong?”

I nodded, pawing at his neck to pull him down into a kiss. Lapping him up. Oh, my pathetic nature! My desperation was clear, but I no longer worried to hide it. He knew this now. He knew far more of me than I’d ever hoped. But if I did not trust him to protect my weakness, I would be left to do it on my own. And as my fractured mind worsened, there was little assurance that I would be successful. 

“Shall we wait?” asked Thor, breaking away with a kind peck and smile. “I don’t want such a momentous occasion to be marred by pain or sadness.”

“You blame me then?” Yes, I snapped at him. I know… I know… 

“Stop that. You know that’s not what I mean.”

“Do I?”

“Stop.”

“Sorry.” I pressed a peck to his lips in apology. Oh dear, was I becoming soft? 

“I want you to be comfortable. You’ve been treated ill for too long.”

“But your words are so beautiful and I want you so badly, but I’m also very… sad.” I shook my head. “Sad because I am afraid for all the reasons I should not be.” A poisonous laugh overtook me. “And I don’t know that I’ll ever be cured of that. Besides, if you leave, we will be visited by the night-mares and our dreams shall be chased with dark horrors.”

Thor pressed his face into my neck, tickling my collarbone with his beard. “You nymph… what are you going on about?”

“I know not.” I jerked in fresh laughter at his beard, struggling to pull away, but the further I retreated, the deeper Thor shoved that ridiculous chin of his. “Stop, you beastie! Off! Away!”

“Only if you yield to the truth of my affections.” Thor sat back, dropping his hands to my chest. Running them down along my torso until they stopped to rest upon my hip bones. “Otherwise you will be sentenced to a tickling most heinous.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I would. You see, I don’t like being called a liar. I can’t stand my honor to be questioned.” His haughty grin returned. “In New Asgard, I’ve even signed a bill into law that sentences all subjects to devastating ticklings when they question the word of their king.”

“But I am not a subject.”

“Oh, but you are. All Asgardians, even those not of aesir blood, are subjects no matter their place in the universe.” He folded his arms. “It’s in the bill. You should read it sometime.”

“Well, then… my King. I’ve questioned your word. You have tickled me against my will. What do we do now?”

“Allow me to show you the lengths of my desire for you.” His hands returned to my hip bones, then slid up, pulling the dress past my waist. “Afterward, I will ask what you think of my word.”

“Yes, my King.” I bit my lip. “Do you like that? To be addressed as such.”

“Call me what you like.” He smirked. “But yes, I do.”

 

~~~

 

After a minute of struggling with my leggings, which is curious, because we grew up wearing leggings, but I did well to remain calm and not yell at Thor or call him names. That would be for another time…

Anyway, once the remains of our clothing found their way to the floor, it was a fight to keep the worry that bubbled from the wells of me from pouring over. To be in the presence of Thor’s greatness when it writhes against you and your skin prickles and the static quickens all around the room, thickening the air… each muscle of his tenses as he smooths himself over your body, firmly anchors himself to you as a warship to harbor. Connection and security. All the while his kisses grow tender, ebbing and flowing between deep and light. He pulls away to check in, to see you, and ensure that you know he sees. 

Overwhelming is not the word, but there are no words. It is to be devastated by the impossibility of inexplicable passion. But how, in such a short time, could Thor feel such for me? 

_You’re thinking too much. He’s on top of you… nude. Ready. Willing. Are you going to ruin this with another fit of tears? At least have a go at it for fun’s sake. Be a Loki. Do what you want!_

“Loki,” whispered Thor into my ear between kisses. Oh, the gentle goon was taking such care and time with me. “How would you like it?”

“Oh, I assumed—”

“No, no. We aren’t going to continue that mistake.” He lifted himself to face me. “How do you want it?”

“I… I want you to take me just as you like.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I cannot be trusted right now. But you… we can both trust you.” I threw my arms around his neck to return him to me. Oh, desperate Loki and his needy thirst for connection. Did Father not hug me enough? I could have laughed just then. Father didn’t hug either of us, but I doubted that had anything to do with what nasty little things were happening right now. 

Thor smiled sincerely like sunshine and warmed me straight through. If I could make Thor smile this way, then perhaps I’d done something right. Even if we fell apart after this, I could revel in my single good deed here. 

In my right hand, I conjured a bottle of sensual oil from my corporeal pocket. Just the gesture solidified the reality of our scene. This was madness! What in all the Nine were we getting up to?!

“Oil?” he asked, taking the bottle.

I nodded. “But they refer to it as _lube_ in this realm.”

“Sounds vulgar.”

“Doesn’t it? Rather matches the act.” I dropped my gaze, suddenly embarrassed. “Is this odd for you? Touching me this way. Of all people in the universe—”

“To be honest, yes. A little. I have known you my entire life and yet there is this side of you completely foreign to me.” He pulled my legs toward him as he spoke. “I find it funny that we’ve been so close while this lived right under our noses.”

“Do you find it funny that you want me? You know… when you could have anyone?”

“Funny isn’t the word. I’m merely glad I have found you and you would have me.”

“It is but the darkest humor. Look at us. Two sons of Odin delighting in casual banter, limbs wrapped together as we prepare to defile ourselves. What a pair we are.” I tried to appear stoic and haughty… garner a little control, nay power, though it is rather difficult to act as such with his hands caressing my body.

_Just submit, you idiot! You know you want to!_

Ugh, I know.

Thor furrowed his brow. “Should I be asking you the same? Do you find this odd?”

“Oh, I find this transgression rather erotic and anything that displeases Odin, even posthumously, is just the cherry on top… as these mortals say.”

“Is that all?” Thor slipped one of my legs over his shoulder, massaging my calf and fiddling with the bottle in his other hand.

“It is cruel of the universe to fate my desire for you. How ever shall I eclipse all your admirers? How will I ever be made worthy?”

“And yet you already have. You already are.” Thor leaned down and kissed me ever-so-lightly. The sensation soft as fairy wings tickled my skin. No point of mine — prickly, playful, or poisonous — could argue such sincerity. Though nerves continued to rope through me, I would accept his desire gradually as his deferent touch enveloped my senses.

Thor emptied a bit of oil unto his fingers, rather deft in the motion (handling the bottle one-handed) as though he’d done this very thing a thousand times before. 

Of course, my curious mind had to wander again.

“Thor, have you ever… been with a man before?” I’m not sure why I asked. 

_You’re stalling and you’re jealous._

“Hmm?” He seemed surprised, like my question had pulled his focus. “Not really.”

“What does that mean?” I was laid out on my back, legs up. One propped upon Thor’s shoulder as he sat there, just about to prepare my entrance. (The funny thing about anal is the preparation. You must be entered to be entered, especially in Thor’s case. You might call _it_ the Thunder Down Under.)

“I fooled around a bit. Nothing like this though.” He kissed the knee of my leg that dangled from his shoulder. He kissed a line up my calf until he could not reach any further. “Does that worry you?”

“Maybe you’d prefer—”

“I prefer you in whatever form you take.” He cocked his head and looked off for a second. “Well, I would not take you as an animal, if you don’t mind.”

This drew a laugh from me. I reached for his wrist, the fingertips shining with oil. “Please… Thor.” I will admit now that I was getting hungry for it.

“You’re the one sparking conversation. Let me focus.” With a nod, his attention returned to my entrance. It was about to happen. Any moment now and Thor would enter me. Goodness, how could this be? Thor and I, Thor and… I? 

And there it was. 

I snapped my fingers to heat the oil a bit, just as the sensation of pressure toyed with me. Breaching me. Thor’s breath hitched as he watched his own work. That eye fluttered back and forth between his fingers (disappearing, no less) and my expression, growing ever lustful with each passing movement. He pressed with patience, but I pushed against him with urgency. The heat built on its own as my body called for him. I wanted to be ready for the cock that awaited. (Though my vantage point was terrible and I could not see that of which I hungered.) His fingers alone had only begun to fill a void that had been growing since our evening in the library. It was born and hidden away in my mind for centuries.

 Each slip of knuckle, turn and twist, through the smooth and rippling folds of my innards merely called forth deeper desire from the well. Untapped. Full. Beckoning for release. 

Oh, and then he hit _it_. 

And along with _it,_ the sudden realization that nothing had ever felt more euphoric until that moment. Because this was Thor. My senses cried out to the universe, requiring more of that, whatever it was, to flow through my body or I may well starve. 

A particularly loud moan (nearly a squeal) escaped me and Thor threw his hand over my mouth. Oh, instinct. He’d so oft covered my mouth with his palm when my cruelty, jokes, or jibes would not cease. Quite a new reason for this action. The burning thrill of discovery, of breaking rules and boundaries, of pleasure unbridled and dangerously so… as Thor’s sturdy palm cut sound and air from my eager lips. Oh, the things we learn of ourselves over time. How these hated gestures took on quite the new meaning in this revised context. 

[Author’s Note: Yes, I had dampened the sound, but Thor had no knowledge of my spell. So there.]

“Are you alright?” he asked, lifting his hand from my lips.

“Yes, it… it was… it is so good.” I grunted a bit as he took that opportunity to adjust his fingers and add the third. With the other hand, he rubbed my flank, massaging the muscle. “Ah, uh… how long until you-you—”

“Patience. I needn’t hurt you.”

“So arrogant. Y-you’re not s-so big.” This was a lie.

“Have you not seen me?” He adjusted for the fourth finger with a smirk.

I squinted and gasped. “Y-yes, well. You… ah…” Then I lost my words. 

Thor massaged my entrance until all discomfort left my voice, leaving only the lustful mewls of this wanton Loki. He truly was talented and experienced, it seemed. No, I wasn’t jealous. Sure, a bit impressed. How many lovers had he treated so decadently? No, I wasn’t JEALOUS!

Retrieving his fingers, Thor took my legs and wrapped them around his body. Taut triceps trapped my thighs and tensed around them as he made his way to the appropriate position. This was happening. This was about to happen. My breath hitched, just as his had. I wondered whether he was shocked, dismayed at our display together.

“Brother, you—” I began to say, shocked that the word _brother_ had fallen from my lips. “Sorry.”

“I told you to call me whatever you like.” He brushed the hair from my face and leaned down to kiss my forehead. “I’m not so naive to pretend we are kin no longer.”

I weaved my fingers together behind his neck, desperate but fearful. “Brother, you are still sure? You have obviously been with many and needn’t add me to the list if this isn’t—”

“Stop this worry.” Thor would have none of my questioning. With his impossibly powerful hands, he took my hips and gently lifted them for our grand departure. My legs tightened around his waist, pulsing with all the anticipation of a virgin (though virgin I was not… clearly). With hope and might, I stilled the fear that lived along the surface of my skin. Its power nowhere near as strong as the desire to be filled, especially after losing what I’d gained in Thor’s fingers. Being left empty had been criminal and another Loki may have hissed and bit and demanded his cock, but I was calm and would not do those things. I would still myself and wait for Thor’s promise instead. 

“Are you ready, brother?” asked Thor. I nodded — lip bitten — a chill drifting across my hungry flesh. “You are perfect and beautiful. And that’s all the sentiment I’ll put you through.” 

He smiled as did I. 

“I’m yours,” I whispered so quietly that I wasn’t sure whether I’d said the words or not. Either way, Thor followed with the head of his worrisomely hefty cock to the well prepared entrance below. All slick and oiled, but fingers could not do such a thing justice. The rings of my rim remained hesitant, but with his gentle, tender nature, Thor made his way smoothly inside. Slowly. I steadied my breathing. Oh, the heat and the unexplainable feeling of a complete body somehow attaining completion beyond measure. 

There was a hiccup part way through, but he caught my wince and pulled back just enough to fix the angle and press forward. Our stride and direction aligned perfectly in a sudden jolt as Thor’s cock slipped right to the hilt, my body finally willing it without resistance. The surprise sensation called forth another moan, but this time I covered my own mouth. 

“I suppose you’re quite ready,” said Thor. 

He chuckled as did I. 

As much as I would have welcomed a rough rut about like warring mares (yes, I find the equine form sensual; so sue me), my promise to allow Thor his loving way with me did suit our first time rather fine. There was no biting, no beating, no clawing. (We’d have time for all that later.) But Thor expressed through each roll and buck of his hips that I was supremely special to him. That nothing should ever cause me worry or pain. That he would fill me with love in whatever form I need take or whatever form love need come.

Sweat built a film betwixt us as the oil and cum slicked and slopped around. His body smacked against mine in the lewdest of noises. We were a ruckus of obscenity despite the loving intention of each deepening thrust and echoing slap of skin. 

Thor switched our position with his powerful strength, pulling me upright onto his lap, saddled in his hands and thighs and cock. In this position our faces met nose to nose. Sweat dripped and I let go of a single tear. I know not where it came from, but they are so dreadfully common upon me, why ask? I wrapped my arms around Thor’s neck and ran my fingers through his hair, sweat slicked to dripping. It was then that I noticed his gaze had fallen deep within me. Deep as his cock inside me. Oh, to be penetrated twice. 

“W-what is it?” I panted as he pounded into me and my body struggled to chase him. 

“You feel… you feel…” He gulped. “I love—”

Before Thor could finish such words, I stole them away in a kiss. My hands slid down to his neck, thumbs along his jawline. A double-Thor, if you will. I don’t know why I could not allow him to finish that confession, but I feared it more than anything. 

_Perhaps you know that it will be the end of you. If Thor tells you that he loves you this way, you will never be able to let him go. And this is what you must do, remember? You must free him of your claws, Magpie. Your dirty, dirty claws are getting all over the Golden God._

Though my fractured mind pushed me toward tears cruelly, I willed all my seidr to hold back. This moment was far too perfect to be ruined, once again, by the likes of me. No, Thor would have his love returned and it would be perfect and magical for him. 

Our tongues tangled and lips drew hot and red. In this angle, Thor’s mighty motions sent his cock rubbing against places I could not imagine had been pleasured all at once. And betwixt us, in the sweat and oil and cum, my own cock did find friction. Oh, how I bucked as I kissed him, throwing all my passion into the humid air. It buzzed and popped with Thor’s questionable control of his own seidr, but I would have accepted sexual electrocution as a valiant way to die. The heat rose and I couldn’t breathe and Thor wrapped his firm arms around me with tenacity. Our smooth and tender speed quickened. I could feel him everywhere. In my body, on my body, his seidr strumming along my seidr. The fibers entwined. The star — a ball of heat swirling in my core — pulsed. All that meditation had birthed something new within me. A new form of sex magic perhaps? The ball’s rhythm quickened with our pace. The light blinding. The heat more than my body could take. 

“Br-brother, I don’t… I can’t… ah!” I feared my own death may result from this coupling. 

“Yes, Loki. I have you.” Thor’s arms tightened. His cock seemed to pulse in time with the ball of light. I shut my eyes and clung to Thor, burying my face in his neck. 

“I will die.”

“Only if it kills you.” Thor forced his words through groans of passion all his own. Never stopping. The Fertility God contained a prowess unmatched. 

Then he pumped _just the slightest bit faster_ and all bets were off. The star exploded in all directions. Shooting throughout the entire universe. Breaking through reality and disturbing the fabric of space and time. This realm no longer existed. Nothing existed anymore. Only heat and light and life. And Thor. 

His voice broke as he came inside me, quaking upon his cock. But the arms did not leave me. He did not pull out or away. He did not disappear. And as reality returned to my eviscerated mind, the meditation having connected me to the entirety of everything and the end of the known, I was cradled by Thor in my post-coital tears. (Yes, I cried again. But it was a pretty cry. You know, soft and whimpery.) 

Thor was about to say something no doubt beautiful when I stopped him, my eyes darting all over his face as if to memorize it for the day he decided to leave. 

“Don’t speak,” I whispered, breath still caught up in ecstasy. Our foreheads pressed together as the smell of sweat and sex perfumed my chambers. It was time that I gift him the only truth that ever mattered. “Look at me.”

Thor stared through me as he did at the start. 

“I will say this once, but I cannot be trusted to say it again. Not when I need it, not when you need it…”

“Speak, Loki.”

“I love you. Completely, savagely, and… far more than I should.” Yes, the tears. More of them. 

Thor threw us into a tumble to the bed, side by side. We tangled together anew and shared those tender kisses as we had before, but this time, Thor’s movements thirsted for something that could not quite be quenched. I did not ask, so I may only speculate, but I believe he wished to thank me. To tell me with his body that I had given him all that he wanted. To say it feels arrogant in the worst way. (Not that I’m above arrogance, but even I have my limits.) His lips screamed appreciation and his tongue called for devotion. I could only hope that my reciprocity sufficed. 

Of course, when Thor broke away he tried to say it again: “Loki, I—”

“No, no. I know. Just let this be.” I smiled, though it was not sincere, I feigned it quite well and returned a soft kiss. 

He said nothing. 

I said, “Thank you.”


	14. May 1st — It’s Gonna Be May

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is in store when Thor wants more...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ Good News ~ Thor: Love and Thunder has been officially announced at Comic Con. The Loki Series has been re-confirmed to be held up by Tom Hiddleston. 
> 
> ~ Bad News ~ I missed those two sweet boys at the Marvel Panel... and I'm being a dumb mopey boy about it. 
> 
> And on with the show!

* * *

 

 

“I do not understand this joke and I do not enjoy the face of this man-boy all over my desk,” I said to Verity first thing in the morning. You may well be surprised by such a poor attitude after my affair with Thor, but if so, then you have yet to understand the intricacies of mischief, deception, and shenanigans at their core. 

[Author’s Note: No, he didn’t quite stay the night. Yes, he slept over a bit, but I woke him and suggested he bid his leave to avoid discovery by his fellow Avengers. I said this in the cutest way to avoid discovery that I was simply kicking him out. What was I doing? I don’t rightly know.]

Remember the first step of Plan Perfection is Suspicion Aversion. My new plan? Keep this dalliance with Thor quiet. Therefore, avoid suspicion at all costs. With Verity, this required finesse. She could see through lies. But maybe if I seemed absolutely normal (a.k.a.: bitchy, bratty, and endowed with superior contempt for all things), then I could avoid her truth seeking radar. 

“I thought you’d love a good prank.” Verity picked up the hand-cut confetti of the man-boy and sprinkled it onto my lap. 

“I love a  _ good  _ prank. But this?”

“So rude.”

“Who is this?”

“Justin Timberlake.”

“And who might Justin of the Timberlakes be?”

She sighed, annoyed. Perfect. “He’s a singer and there’s this old song from a group he was in called N’Sync.”

“Did they sing about puns?”

“No, but the lyric goes ‘It’s gonna be me,’ but then you say it like ‘it’s gonna be May,’ and… this really isn’t funny if I have to explain it.”

“Exactly my point.”

“The girls in marketing were dying when I showed them.”

“Are they dead now? Was it Kathy?” I smirked. “Or need I finish the job?”

“Wow, you are especially bitchy today.” 

_ Uh oh, Loki. Looks like you overdid it.  _

“Sorry… I just got into something with my brother, but I’d prefer not to talk about it.” This was technically true!

Verity stared at me over her glasses. Those were the eyes of truth seeking, but I  _ had _ told the truth, so what did she want? What was she to find? I held my own, grasping the bit of seidr at my disposal. I called out to the universe and spoke truth. Well, the word truth. It didn’t conjure anything as powerful as that masterful bit of sex magic with Thor. Disappointing. 

_ It was spectacular, was it not? He is a fantastic lover. Beyond our expectations. And how he loves you and cares for you. Dear me, can you still feel him inside you?  _

Then out of nowhere like the witches of Vangor (a small village of witches in Vanaheim who are not to be trifled with as I know from experience), Verity said, “You had sex.”

“What?” The blush upon my cheeks could not be unbitten. “Why would you say that?”

“I just have an intuition for it.”

“Well, that’s really beyond the scope of your babysitting until you believe that my private encounters have any pinning upon the safety of Midgard.” I blew the cutouts of Sir Justin of Timberlake’s face from my side of the desk. “They are not, by the way.”

“So you did, then.” Her eyes widened. “As a friend, can I know? You’re so secretive.”

“And yet you know many of my deepest secrets.”

“I’ll tell you the latest with Nat.”

“That barter won’t get you anywhere. She lives on my floor. I could ask her if I cared. Oh, wait. Let me check something.” I turned to my computer and feigned a bit of typing. “Oh, right. It looks as though I do not.”

“Your posh accent and old timey, proper English ruins half of your best jokes, by the way.”

“By the by, you… you’re… It’s the fault of All-speak!” I dropped my head, realizing that I actually wanted to tell someone other than the voice in my head. He’s a right prick. “Fine. But secrecy eternal and you must guess.”

She signed a cross over her heart, then paused to search for a proper guess. I was surprised with the care she seemed to be putting into the thought. “It’s one of two things. Either you slept with some random guy who looks like Thor or it was Thor.”

“Can you keep your damnable voice down?” We weren’t particularly alone nor was Thor a stranger to the layperson. Everyone knew the Avengers and he was a member of the original team, partially assembled by yours truly, might I add. You’re welcome. 

“Sorry,” she whispered. “So are you gonna tell me?”

“I probably shouldn’t. National security and all that.”

“Oh my god!”

“Yes, my child?” I do rather enjoy taking credit for my mantle, though I’ve never run into a human devotee. I gestured something remotely godlike, ending with a flick of seidr to project green light from my hands. 

“So unnecessary.”

“Can you blame a god for trying?”

“So did you two seriously… you know?”

“Just a little.” I grinned. “Though I’m sure you can tell that’s a lie.”

Verity blushed and whispered a short cheer, kicking my chair with both feet. It didn’t move me because I’m a dense jotunn in aesir form. I wonder if she knew about that bit — the blue skin and red eyes number hidden beneath me. Anyway, Verity’s excitement puzzled me as she began rambling through questions regarding my future with Thor. 

“What do you mean?” I asked. “There can be nothing more. Sure, I will allow for future rutting, but—”

“Wait, so you’re just fuck buddies?”

“How lewd.”

“Fuck-brothers then?”

“That’s much worse upon the ear. What I mean is that… well, there is just no way for the two of us to continue. It would be miserable for him. No one would allow such a thing and you do  _ not _ want to see Thor in a blind rage.”

“Does he agree?” Verity quickly pulled a file up on her computer as the office manager whose name I refuse to remember walked by. I most certainly did nothing to attempt good impression. “I mean, are you both on the same page?” 

Honestly, I hadn’t considered Thor’s intentions. The best outcome for Thor could only be to be temporarily satisfied for the good of Midgard’s weather, his position as King, and a member of the Avengers. His devotion to me would dissolve eventually, of that I was sure. Though this pained me, I knew it only for the best. I was trouble and always had been. I existed as the foil to Thor’s heroism, so to get in his way now despite my love would be ludicrous. 

“We haven’t spoken of such things.” I checked my nails and noticed a chip. I would find someone to punish indirectly later. “This only just started yesterday.”

“What changed your mind? You were totally against telling him how you feel.”

“Well, things have changed.” Flashes of our intimate entanglement ran across my mind. I didn’t hide the smirk that arose. “But that does not mean we will enter a courtship.”

“Just do me a favor and talk to him. What if Thor expects something else?”

 

~~~

 

I should have stopped coming to Verity for impromptu advice and general confidantery. Rarely did she tell me what I wanted to hear and isn’t that oft a desired trait in a confidant? Nevertheless, I mulled over her words. It seemed that I might well get myself into trouble if I was not prepared to address the possibility that Thor may crave a relationship with me beyond fraternal and carnal. However, I was not going to bring this up if he did not. 

There was little time to prepare though. Thor would visit me soon. If he came to see me every other day while unrequited, how often would he visit me knowing that I shared these fragile emotions?

_ And your emotions are the most fragile of all, are they not? _

“That may be true, but I am willing to sacrifice them for Thor’s own good.” 

_ I very well doubt that. You aren’t the selfless type. Perhaps you push him away to protect the heartbreak you will incur when the Golden God finds a more suitable mate. A Golden Goddess, mayhaps? What are you again? A Silver Serpent? A Chartreuse Charlatan? _

“Alright, you’re hilarious. Now shut it.” 

With a bit of divination culled from my studies and remembrance of Mother’s teachings, I could sense Thor’s approach. It drew nearer. There was so very little time. As long as I could avoid the discussion, I would be safe. We would be safe. Such rejection could send him reeling in the opposite direction. Oh, the storms that would brew. 

I stood in front of that silly mirror, busying over my appearance. This was normal as I always bother about my vanity, but this time I worried over Thor’s opinion, or rather what I assumed his opinion might be. Would he prefer my old high collars and long sleeves? Should I dress casually and comfortably? It is after work and all. I should not appear as though I’ve made any effort in my look, though. That would be a mistake. He did mention enjoying my shoulders. I could wear a dress, but I didn’t particularly feel in the dress-wearing mood. Why did he like the dress?

_ You are insufferable. _

“Obviously.”

_ All this to tell Thor you just want to stay friends… I mean, brothers.  _

“You are a riot. Need I remind you to shut it?”

I decided on a long kimono-style sweater with a tank top beneath it in the event the sleeve should fall, he could look upon my shoulder. Why ever did I care so very much? 

Thor arrived about an hour after I’d chosen my casual, unassuming garments. I posed upon the sofa in the lounge and feigned surprise when he burst from the Not-Bifrost. Bruce and Lady Natasha were pretending to be normal at the bar, uttering in hushed tones as though anyone (myself) cared for their personal business. Yes, we all know you two had a fling. It went nowhere because big Brucie decided he was no good for you (or the planet) as though you couldn’t take care of yourself and… Oh. 

“Damn.”

“Damn? And here I thought you’d be happy to see me.” Thor bounded toward me with light in his steps. He was made of light. He smelled of sun and salt. Tan freshly hued. Always dressed in a tight shirt and jeans, though aren’t all shirts tight on a man so thick and broad.

“Were you at the harbor today?”

“How could you tell?”

“I’m just that good.”

“I have brought pretzel bread, smoked salmon, and cheese.”

“What of pudding?” I whined, struggling to keep my hands off him. We were still in the lounge with polite company. 

“Of course.”

“You’re terribly good to me.” Was I being sentimental? This behavior could not go on. It looked as though we were courting already. Wait, were we? Did I want that?

_ Verity was right about that talk… What if your darling Thor already believes you are a couple? Oh, you are so very good at ruining your life and those around you. It’s masterful. You deserve a prize. A day for your namesake? Fools will seduce their siblings then reject them. Cry over every detail. Worry their sibling may not truly love them. Fuck them. Then worry their sibling loves them too much. All to reject them again? My, my. I couldn’t make that up myself. _

“Are you alright?” Thor asked, catching me in that internal argument. 

“Yes, I’m fine.” 

“Would you like to watch a movie or—”

“There’s a monitor in my quarters. I wouldn’t be able to focus with those two whispering about their relationship woes.” The pair flipped around when I said that. “And if you hurt Verity, I will tear your limbs from your body and reattach them the wrong way round.” 

Thor pulled me away as I shouted this threat and a few others because I am quite the devoted friend. Few may know this because I don’t have many (any) friends. Mark my words though, I will not have those I love crossed. (I also blamed them for my chipped nail.)

Upon my door, Thor placed his hand at the small of my back. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered into my hair. 

“We’re not yet in my chambers. You’d do well to seek caution.”

“I’m not quite so worried—”

“You should be.” I pressed on and entered, relieved to get away but worried that our conversation would lead exactly to the place I feared. Thor took a seat upon the bed and I sat at the vanity, looking over the goods brought from New Asgard. “So after our tryst, you couldn’t stay away.”

“Do you think me here for carnal pleasures? I would be here if only to bask in your presence.” He laughed to himself. “Wait, where are your daggers? I should gather them first before I start getting sentimental.”

“Though you deserve it, I won’t stab you.”

“You sure? I seem to remember several occasions where a certain Loki said: ‘I won’t stab you, Thor; I promise.’” He mimicked my voice, but made it much higher and grading. “And then  _ stab!” _

“Is that what I sound like to you?”

“Course not.” He shrugged. “Maybe… a bit.”

“You’re a right ass.” I lunged forward to shove him, but my wrist was captured and my weight shifted out of balance. Thor pulled me onto his lap. Clearly, this had been a ploy and I’d fallen right into said trap. “How dare you use my methods against me?”

“Stop being predictable then.”

“You knew I’d attack you?”

“You’re feisty.” He smiled and his left brow and cheek tensed as if to wink. I could have wept for him. His muscle memory still so used to the gesture, but… that damned eyepatch. Damn Hela for stealing Thor’s perfect blue eye.

_ Weren’t you trying to put distance between you and—  _

Hush.

I took Thor’s face into my hands, rubbing his beard with my thumbs and kissed the brow and cheek that did struggle. His arms slipped around me as they had before. His eye pierced through me and burned across my tundra-like heart. What was I to do with him around like this? 

“I was going to ask permission to kiss you. Need I do such a thing?” he said, resting a hand around my neck. 

“Not when we’re alone. But out there, you risk a good stabbing.”

With a fluttering smile, he kissed me quite gently and without pressing for more. Perhaps he was done with me? Maybe the passion had run dry? Good. Right? Yes, that would be much better for all of us. 

“It’s still shocking. Madness really.” He let go of a thoughtful sigh. “I never imagined—”

“Yes, well… how about this bread and cheese?” I hopped up from his lap and began preparing the spread. 

“How domestic of you, Loki.” 

“Now you’re just trying to make me mad.”

“No, I’m trying to make you laugh. You seem rather tense.” He stood, wrapping his arms around me from behind and placing kisses along the back of my neck. I could have killed him if it weren’t for the lovely sensation. “Have I done something?”

“You’re doing it right now. You’re… you’re doing too much.” With great reluctance, I pushed him away, mourning his touch immediately afterward. 

“Please don’t stab me.” His voice sounded more annoyed than frightened. Oh, I hadn’t even noticed that I was holding a knife. It was for the cheese! A cheese knife, not a dagger!

“I wasn’t, you oaf. Just because of what happened… that doesn’t mean you know everything about me.”

“I know you because we were raised together. We have been side by side for over a thousand years.” Thor dropped his head for a moment. Damn, I was ruining it. “I really don’t want to ask, but I think I must.”

“No. No, you needn’t ask. Let’s just eat this wonderful spread. The faster we finish, the sooner we get to pudding.”

“Do you regret it?” Thor rubbed his neck and winced. “Our coupling.”

With utmost sincerity, I said no. My voice was low and quiet, but I could speak no higher. Thor cocked his head, but his expression did not lighten. I worried that he may feel betrayed or cheated. Perhaps foolish for trusting my love for him. The stale moment broke my heart, but I did not know how to fix what I had started. In the library, in Jane’s form, on the dance floor… I had been unwittingly tempting both Thor and myself. We were here because of me. He was here because of me. Bruce did not place Lady Natasha in his wake. They were nothing like us. I was nothing like him. My duty to rescue Thor from my dirty claws was true and valiant and… and… 

And yet I was neither true nor valiant.

I pounced upon him, sure that I could soothe his worry with my body. I pushed him down to the bed and dropped to my knees, fiddling with his belt in a panic. I would fix this. I could keep him satisfied and remain distant until he was rid of me. That’s all I need do. The heartbreak would be mine to bear. I was the vessel. I made this mess. 

_ You are this mess _ .

Exactly. 

_ What is this about? Even I’m lost and I’m you! _

“Loki, stop.” Thor stilled me with his hands upon my shoulders. The sweater had fallen to my sides, so I could feel the heat pulsing through my skin. When I looked up, his expression was cold. Icy as my heart. And I was crying. When did I start crying?

_ Again? This habit is becoming sad. Are you the jester or the joke? _

“Sorry, I don’t know why…” A mad laugh escaped me. “No need to worry. Just lie back and—”

“Loki, no.” Thor pulled me up to sit beside him on the bed, buckling his belt and zipping his zipper. “What’s wrong?”

“Why does something need to be wrong? I’m quite good with my mouth and I only wished to show you.”

“I always knew you thought I was stupid.” Thor sighed. “But now I know just how stupid you think me.” He handed over a napkin to wipe my tears. Well, he handed it over to me for that purpose. He did not lovingly wipe them away. Perhaps my wish was coming true and Thor realized I was far more trouble than I was worth. Last night I was a sobbing mess and tonight I was much the same. Who would keep a lover so unstable? 

“Why did you really do that? Just now,” he said. “Are you avoiding something?”

I shook my head.

“I can’t trust you if you keep lying to me.” He ran his thumb down my chin and pouted. “You didn’t want me to come by. You want space. You love me but not quite the way I love you.”

“Are these guesses?”

“Yes.”

“Then no to all three.”

“We aren’t getting off to a very good start, Loki.” A far off smirk grazed his lips. “But when have we ever?”

There it was. A Start. Thor believed we were at the beginning of a new chapter in our journey as brothers. What were we now? What did he hope? What were his dreams? He was idealistic and naive, so I’m sure he saw some magical impossibility, but I knew better; there was nothing out there for us. 

_ You’re doing a piss poor job of saving him, if that’s your intent _ .

If stayed satisfaction awaiting boredom would not work, then I supposed it was time to tear him apart.

“What do you mean by start?”

“Oh.” He was surprised. Damn. “The beginning of this thing. You and me.”

“What exactly would that be?”

Thor’s bland expression went numb, then crashed like a ship run off course into an iceberg. His lips parted, though words did not form. I feared a rage may burst from him, though I welcomed the punishment. I could handle fair discipline for my crimes and mine had been of the heart I coveted. I asked myself (in my own voice) what it was like to ruin the Golden God, but I could not speak to such horrid things. 

_ If destruction is what you are meant for, then you are the best in the business.  _

After a moment too long, Thor finally spoke. “I asked you if it was only for pleasure. You said no.” He stood and shook my hand away as I reached for him. “Why do you do all these things? Why do you trick and toy and tempt when you’ve no intention—”

“Thor, I know not. I did not understand my—” 

“Has this been nothing more than a cruel game? Give me the truth and nothing other or I fear I may never be able to return.” His form burned with heat, low and boiling. He was serious and such a threat, I could not endure.

“No, no. My feelings are real. This-this is all very complicated.”

“Enlighten me.”

“You may ask Verity of my honesty. She is enchanted. No lie may slip past her.” I stood to plead, then instantly felt out of my depths. Small despite our similar size. “All my feelings are true, but you speak of new beginnings. It would be foolish of you to enter a courtship with me.”

“Why?”

“You would risk everything.” I explained his loss of friends and kinship. The eminent danger of my evil curiosity. “I am not the harbor you should anchor your ship unto. I am false. Even in my sincerity, I am filled with deceit.”

“I will ask you one thing and one only. You will answer truthfully.” His words were spoken by a king and this demand expected obedience. There was no other option. “Without these distractions, do you want to be with me?”

“In a perfect world?”

“Nay, no world is perfect. In this imperfect world where you and I live for several millennia. This world where we have confessed these inconvenient emotions. This world where I ask you to risk a moment of your thousands of years upon me. Do you want to be with me?”

“But I’m—”

“What are you that I don’t already know?” Thor took my shoulders again, rubbing his thumbs into the meat of my flesh. “Answer without your pride or greater purpose.”

“I can’t.”

“Did you stop me from confessing my love for you because you feared that you wouldn’t be able to reject me later?” 

I gasped. Damn, Thor truly had become wise. 

“I understand.” His eye pierced mine again. “It is alright.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Well, you won’t stop me from saying it now.” His smile returned. “I love you. There. See, not so bad.”

Oh, how I sobbed with pathetic tears. The voice in my head cackled at me and called me names for such a scene. I couldn’t even break up with Thor to save him from myself. How very sad. Oh, ye of little strength. 

“I’m not s-supposed to let you l-love me.” I snorted and wheezed. This was the ugliest cry, I tell you. “It was a prank and then it wasn’t at all!” My floppy form collapsed into his arms. Sad little hands clung to his chest. What had I become? Surely, he should reject me solely based on this. 

Thor shushed my cries and led me to the bed, laying me down beside him. “I will not bed you, but I will hold you until you feel safe again.”

“Stop being so kind. It’s disgusting.”

“Okay, you’re getting grumpy, so I guess that’s heading in the right direction.” Thor ran his free arm up and down my back to soothe me. The other was trapped beneath my head, wrapped around and petting my hair. I left my hands folded up betwixt us, afraid to relent completely. The last time I’d done that, my entire self had fallen into the Golden Sun. All the light in the world burst through me. I wanted nothing more than to be filled and ruined and put back together again by Thor’s electricity. Maybe I could still save him from myself. There was no way Thor’s idealism could pave a reliable blueprint for our future. No one would allow for it. Not his Avengers nor his subjects. 

“Stop,” Thor said, breaking my concentration. “Relax your hands. Stop thinking. You said yourself, you’re not a witch. You can’t predict the future.”

I punched him lightly. “Get out of my head.”

“Then quit being predictable.” Thor paused as though he may ask permission to kiss me, but shrugged and dove directly for it. I accepted, wishing to feel anything other than pathetic and toxic. These were words that had come all too oft from the voices within. “You need never protect me from you,” he whispered between innocent kisses. They were nice, but I wanted him to go a bit harder. (Fine, I wanted a little punishing, but there’d be time for that when we weren’t battling my inner turmoil.) 

“I need be protected from myself.”

“How do I do that?” He kissed my forehead before pressing his to mine. 

“I know not. But if the cruel voice in my head ever drops any hints, I’ll let you know.”

Thor wiped my cheeks with his thumb. “You’ve not answered yet.”

“What?”

“Will you allow me to court you?”

“May I have time?” I pulled away to focus in on his eye. “This is all so very new and I’ve never been asked such a thing. Not to mention, you are so very important to me.”

“You will have it. But please do not torture me with waiting.”

“May I still see you while I think?” I cleared my throat. “Will you still bed me?”

“How greedy of you.” Thor’s smile returned even brighter, diving in for a kiss much more thorough than the former. “But I suppose I wouldn’t want to sway your answer… You may just say yes for another helping of Thunder.”

“Oh, how very repulsive you have become suddenly.”

“Shall I tickle you for treason again?”

“Absolutely not!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG your comments are just <3<3<3 
> 
> I cannot thank you enough.


	15. Thru the Ides of May — April Showers Did Bring May Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brothers hide their dirty secret, but will this ever be more than a tryst for the ages?

* * *

 

 

The two lustful brothers snuck around to commit their naughty sins behind the backs of the Avengers and the good people of New Asgard. It was easy hiding from the Asgardians, et. al, because they weren’t around. Thor explained that he was greatly needed as a Hero of Earth and by extension, New Asgard, though I wondered how long such a lie would hold up, especially with Heimdall and his damnable sight. (Round of applause for Thor’s A+ reigning.) For the Avengers, well, that required finesse on my part. 

My magic dampers remained around 15% down typically, since Tony’s upgrades. (Oh, how I missed the initial on/off switch of April 1st.) If Tony was feeling charitable, I might get a few points here or there, but this was the new standard for basic acts of sorcery, and I was grateful for them. The original agreement had been once a week or an hour per day, but I think Tony had developed a bit of a soft spot for me. This was ever-so-much better. With 15% I could use telekinesis for small objects, access my corporeal pocket, and create illusions. The illusions weren’t amazing and lacked much of the perfection I had prided myself in over the centuries. But an illusion is an illusion and said illusions allowed for me to trick Tony’s cameras. Illusion-Loki goes to bed in his chambers, while Real-Loki goes to Thor’s guest room and fucks all night. 

“Would you give yourself to me?” I asked Thor during one of our many nights of fuck-making. At the moment, I was riding him senselessly in a pair of stockings he’d torn. I would need the dampers lifted a bit just to fix them. Lace is a bitch to mend. “Tell me.”

“Oh?” He panted, taking hold upon my hips so tight that his fingers would leave bruises no less. (Oh yes, I did enjoy such feats and kind Thor obliged in rough rutting as I obliged his desire for sweet love making… sometimes.) “I-I would.”

“Would you?” I canted as he bucked hard enough to throw me through the ceiling. His hands braced me though, then flipped me to my back to steal control. 

“If you wanted.” His voice was strained. Oh, just how I liked it. 

“Good boy.” I moaned, as his hand slipped around my throat to apply just a bit of rotten pressure. “What a dutiful king.”

 

~~~

 

Though it had only been a short time, I revelled in my victory, despite having avoided such things. I had Thor. He was mine. He was my special little secret. (Well, aside from Verity. She knew all about my exploits and had begun to cheer along vehemently.) We snuck around and whispered, passing glances and touching privately. Beneath the table. Passing through the hallway. I taught Thor of the blind spots and he took it upon himself to steal me away for kisses. 

And while I may be a creature suited for rough rutting, harsh words, and mindless pleasure, the romance of Thor chasing after me did woo. He continued to bring Asgardian faire and puddings. He brought decorative armor and jewelry. He admired my beauty and braided my hair in bed. 

“It’s getting very long,” he’d said as I laid draped over him after a particularly physical round of fucking. (If you must know, he ran me ragged against the vanity… facing the mirror.)

“Would you like to me cut it? Because I will not.” 

“No, no, please. I was thinking of washing it.”

“You want to bathe with me? Wash my hair? You are so sentimental and disgusting, it kills me.”

His smile beamed as he pulled me impossibly tighter. “Does it kill you how much I lo—”

“No, you needn’t say it. I know how lovesick you can get. I know how quickly you jump from admiration to devotion.” I said these things to keep my distance at times. Thor’s love was overwhelming. It beamed brighter than his perfect, impish, boyish smile and his golden locks of flax. It threatened to consume every inch of me until there was nothing left but a serpent to return to the lonely orchard. 

“Loki,” he said with a voice that spoke to some undying love. I could not believe his affections even though they remained front and center. It just could not be possible, I often told myself. (The fragmented voice in my mind told me too.) And for all his obsessive love, it would hurt that much more once he left me. “Loki, where are you?”

“Sorry. I’m thinking too much.”

“Another round? Or perhaps I could hold you? Kiss you until you fall asleep.” He laughed at this, but I knew he was serious. I traced my fingers along the edges of each muscle. The lines were both sharp and smooth somehow, only interrupted by veins. I traced them too, stalling for time. 

_ That is all you have. Only a manner of said time before you ruin this bliss. Before he discovers the grave mistake he has made.  _

I cursed myself and shook my head, climbing atop him instead. This much I could do right. “What of your hair?” I asked, running my hands through the strands. He was keeping it trim along the sides, but the crown did grow. Long enough to grab hold of. I tugged on it now, my fingers looked as though I had spun gold from wheat. “Will you wear it long again?”

“Eventually.” He frowned. “You don’t like it?” 

“I like it.” A grin rose upon my lips as I had successfully altered the conversation. As long as we didn’t speak of love or the future, I would not lose these things so precious. “Of course, I hate to inflate your ego too much. The Mighty Thor needs little in the way of admiration. You’ve so many fans.”

“Still, I wouldn’t mind a few extra compliments, if you have them.”

“Hmm, let us see. Well, firstly, you are a fool.” I rubbed my groin against his, pulling his head back. Exposing his vulnerable throat, rough with stubble. Tracing the long line of tendon with my nail. “You can be insufferable. You think yourself a wonder and a gift to us all.”

“Not sure you understand the meaning of a compliment, Loki.”

I bent to nibble at his neck, feeling the pulse course through his artery. “Yes, well, I’ve much more. You are hideous and bland. Your smile… it is horrendous.”

Thor’s curious hands knew not what to do with me as I insulted him. They hesitated at the small of my back, perhaps fearful that I may well attack him. Being with me mustn’t be easy nor enjoyable. I hid a frown. 

“And these muscles are ridiculous. It’s near comical the way you lumber around with this hulking frame. Like ape-trolls or the gorillas of this realm.” I sat back, gripping his hair with one hand and running my fingers over his physique with the other. “Not to mention this bit of silliness here. Just because it’s big, doesn’t mean it’s any good.”

“Are you done?” 

“I’ve only one thing more.”

“Speak.” He didn’t seem very entertained, though my prickly exterior made sure of that. Oh, how I ensured Thor would tire of me whilst wishing that very thing would never happen. I nearly laughed at my contradictions, knowing full well that I made little sense if any at all. Protect yourself from getting hurt, Loki. Push him away; be the reason for your pain, Loki. But as I found humor in my Self, I saw irritation come over the lover before me. Thor stared, chin in defiance. He was so very much my brother then, despite the curious circumstance of our nudity and position. 

“I’m waiting,” he said, crossing his arms. 

I bit my lip. “I’m lying.”

“About what?”

“You are probably the most exquisite creature I’ve ever set eyes upon, but I don’t want to fuel your ego too much. I fear that you might float away and never return to me.”

He squinted. “You don’t want me to feel too good about myself… so I won’t leave you?”

“When you use those words, it sounds mad.”

“Well…” He let the rest of his sentence go. Smart man. I didn’t need help calling my sanity into question. 

“I fear too much, though I don’t like to show it.” Rather than grind atop him, I settled back and placed my hands upon his chest, pawing at the firmness. My black nails stilled like dark claws over prey. “But I will tell you now, because I worry that you’re particularly annoyed with me, that you are lovely and beautiful and your form is awesome. To touch you is spiritual and to be touched by you… well, I haven’t the words. It exists between impossible and possible. At some point, the shift occurs and my mind must reconcile what I’m feeling.” My jaw dropped suddenly, realizing that I was speaking aloud and up front with Thor. Oh, now I would never be able to take these loving thoughts back. He could surely think me obsessive. Just another fan. By the Horns of Hod’s Helmet, what was I doing?

_ The usual…  _

“Now, now,” I said, attempting my recovery. “Let’s not talk of emotions. These are silly wastes of time. Let us instead use our bodies for what they were made to do.”

“All bodies or ours… specifically?” Thor smirked. 

“A bit of both, but don’t you think we fit together? We complement each other in a timeless way. Two princes born of warring lands, born to be kings, placed in each other’s lives so impossibly.” I tangled my arms around his neck. “We fit together like a snake coiled about a tree.”

“Yet you still fear me.” Thor did not ask; he stated this as he took me into his arms. “I imagine you always will.” His bright smile returned and filled me with warmth, though desire threatened to freeze me completely. It did not matter how much I hoped to remain this way. It did not matter what was logical or rational. My fears and desires worked against each other. I wondered whether it had been the mind stone or the word of Ebony Maw or Father’s abandonment of my heart… though it could have been any number of things. Truly, it must have been all of it, but clarity and reason when it comes to my heart do not come easily. Breaking down came with nary a nudge and I felt it waiting upon the crest of my senses. Building just behind my brow. If only I could run, but I wanted to be nowhere else. 

“Loki,” Thor said, calling me from my thoughts. “Do you wish to be free of me?”

The question caught me off guard, but my body answered without internal discourse; I shook my head vehemently. 

“Do you wish to be marked by me?” He smiled. My skin grew hot. 

“Please.”

With gracious hands, he pulled against my upper back, taking me down as he rose up. His lips reached my collarbone, spotting kisses along the ledge. So very wet and hot. Settling in on my throat and bringing a hand along my neck, Thor took to sucking at the skin until it stung. Pain shot through me, tearing away my turmoil. I bit my lip and moaned as I hardened. To be marked by Thor… he wanted to mark me…

_ Or maybe—  _

Do shut up.

Afterward, Thor leaned back to admire his handy work, rubbing my loving bruise with his thumb. “You can cover it with one of your glamours.” He chuckled. “It’s quite bad.”

“If I cover it with magic, that’s… well, doesn’t it defeat the purpose? Did you not mark me to claim this Loki as your property?”

Thor’s brow furrowed. “I didn’t think you’d… is that what you’d like?” 

“Oh. I hadn’t really thought—”

“I do not chase you and I try not to come on too strong.” His tone softened. He almost sounded youthful and nervous. “You always ran when I pushed. When I play at opposites, you chase me. So I assumed you would not like to be… I know how much you covet your freedom.”

“I’m already locked up here.” I cleared my throat, worried that I may grow sentimental. “But I’m tired of running. Tired of disappearing and hiding. I’d rather like to stay put and,” I said, placing my hand over Thor’s, “I rather like this brand upon my flesh.”

“Do you though?” His voice hitched up high and he squinted, comically. Playfully. Full of jest. He’d become rather funny, my brother.

“I— I suppose I do.” 

 

~~~

 

_ There you went and did it. Pandora’s box is open, but no one would be surprised to find the God of Mischief holding the key. Of course, this situation places you at the scene of the crime and your heart the victim. You are a massive fool.  _

“Anything else?” I busied my hair into a bun as I cleaned my quarters. Thor would not be over to visit me that night. There was to be a feast and fete and such festivities require the presence of their king. “I really don’t need this.”

_ One of us ought to think about it. You told Thor that you wanted his mark upon you. Idiot. You know what that means? _

“Let me guess. He’ll know that I love him. Well, he knows that already.” I folded clothes, including a fresh box of items newly shipped from Killstar. Oh, I had gladly given then far too much of my money. I held a tunic up to my shoulders and looked it over, curious as to what Thor might think of me in it. 

_ He’ll want to announce your relationship. This isn’t just sex, Loki. You’re courting. Think of lovesick Thor and how he pines. Think of his desire to tell your love from the mountain top. Did he not gush over Jane? What about the days of Sif and the few maidens he’d grown keen for? You are an idiot if you separate yourself from them. _

“I’d rather not compare.”

_ Exactly. You’re an idiot.  _

“Just… shut up and let me clean in peace.”

_ You are distracting yourself because you miss Thor. When were we ever sentimental? Can’t you distract yourself due to jealousy? Thor is hosting an old Asgardian style fete, is he not? There may be sex parties. Orgies! No one will allow that body to go cold—   _

“Yes, well…” I glared into the mirror. “As long as he returns to me, I care not—”

_ And you’re sure of that? You with your confusing—  _

“I’m calling Verity.”

I phoned my dearest and only friend, hoping that she might come for a visit. I didn’t want to be the sort who calls friends over when their significant other was away, but that really isn’t why I needed her presence. My fragmented mind wasn’t going to leave me alone. He was mad (I was mad?) that I had allowed this dalliance to go on as long as it had. Thor wasn’t to become trapped by my affections. He was meant to remain free of me and all the horrid consequences that come along. The voice was livid, though my selfishness left me happily (mostly) ignorant of the damage I caused. Being with Thor was just far too good in the moment. No doubt he would move on and then I would deal with the devastation. For now… I would live in Now.

“It’s a little awkward,” said Verity over the phone. “Since Nat—”

“No, no. You can’t bring your personal life into our friendship.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, the parts that have nothing to do with me.” I cleared my throat. “Unless you need someone to talk to. But you aren’t allowed not to be my friend unless I did something to ruin it.”

“Loki, chill.”

“She isn’t here, by the way.” I fumbled with a charcoal dress on a hanger. “Come over, please. I’m so very polite.” I paused. “I’ll let you put makeup on me.”

“What am I? A teenage girl?”

“Aren’t we all?”

“Fine.”

Verity made her way to Stark Tower, arriving within the half hour. I clung to her upon her entrance, stepping from the elevator and into my arms, however reluctantly. She asked what was up with me in her casual, Midgardian, New Yorker tone and I laughed it off, assuring her that I had always been affectionate. 

“You’re lying.”

“I’d almost forgotten about that little power of yours.”

I took her to my chambers, though she seemed on alert, searching for Lady Natasha. I almost (almost) wanted to ask how their affair was going, but I was not in the mood to provide comfort. Yes, I know how selfish that sounds, but it’s rather on brand for me, don’t you think?

“Things are super casual, you know. Me and Nat,” said Verity, offering the very thing I did not want. It was a meat pie with celery. I hate celery, you see. “But I think I may have scared her off.”

I rolled my eyes. “She’s a secret agent, assassin, and one of your Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. What do you think you could possibly do to scare her off?” I could not hold back the rumbling laugh that left me. Rumbling laughs remind me of Thor though, so I cursed him. “She’s also dated Hulk, so…”

“Oh? Oh.”

“You did not know? Well, rest assured, they did not break up over fear. He did not scare her despite his ability to thrash someone into the ground!” Yes, I’m still traumatized. “He ran away. He abandoned her because he was afraid of himself. He wished to protect a woman who needed no protection at all.” My words pressed deep within my chest. Why did this parallel return to me? I wasn’t anything like Banner. Thor was not my Natasha. (That thought made me chuckle to myself… imagining him in her leather catsuit.) 

“Sorry, I’m usually not so emotional. She kinda just got under my skin.”

“Maybe helping me clean my quarters and watching trash television over take out will help clear your mind.” I ordered Chinese, though Verity had to go get it. As you know, I wasn’t supposed to go downstairs really and exiting the building was impossible. When Verity returned, she sprawled out across my bed with the food splayed about. I was halfway through folding and hanging as the channel stopped on 90-Day Fiance. 

“This is my guilty pleasure. Have you seen it?” she asked.

“Can’t say that I have.” 

Verity explained the rules, though the show narrated itself repetitively. Couples separated by international borders applied for temporary 90-day visas with the hopes of finalizing their citizenship and love with marriage. These people… oh, they were deliciously foolish.

“Why are they all in such a rush?” I asked. “Why not prepare the wedding beforehand, maybe visit each other… get married later?”

“I’m sure lots of people do it that way, but this is trash TV for a reason.” She popped a shrimp into her mouth and gawked at a couple with less chemistry than a quark. It seemed she knew all these people by name. I worried for her sanity. “Hey, Loki.”

I squinted at her pause for my attention, but she wouldn’t go on without a response. “What is it?” I sat beside her and flaunted seidr to feed myself noodles. 

“Would you ever… like… marry—?”

I choked on said noodles. 

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Verity beat her hands against my back as though that would clear my throat. It took a little focus and seidr to liquify and swallow the offending aliment. Though I did have to freeze her hand in the air to keep her from pummeling my back. 

“You are horrid at saving lives.”

“Sorry.”

“Why would you ask me that?”

“I don’t know. Thor lives in another country… you live…”

“Verity, I don’t know if you’ve gone dim recently, but I’m effectively in prison. You are my babysitter. I’m only allowed a job so that I won’t acquire some form of cabin fever and plot the doom of this realm. I can’t marry Thor, my brother, for so very many reasons, even if I wanted to.”

She blinked and pointed at her hand, still frozen. I waved the strands of my seidr away and dug into the shrimp with chopsticks. Conventional. 

“I just wondered… sorry.”

We remained in silence for a bit as the show went on. The couples ranged from those who were impossible to view to those who were tolerable. I found it hard pressed to find any couple whose connection and union filled my heart with anything lighter than contempt, though I may just be a heartless bitch. But as we lounged and grew closer in my forgiveness and need for affection, I thought of Thor and whether there could well be a day when the two of us might find respite from the tribulation of our coupling. Maybe Thor in all his optimism could be right for once. 

Verity lifted her head from my shoulder where it had grown rather comfortable. “You’re too hard on yourself.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I get the sense that you blame yourself for everything, but maybe there’s no one to blame.”

“Are you becoming clairvoyant along with your truth seeking enchantment?” 

She smiled, sadly but hope-steeped. “No, but I’m pretty confident when I say just let it go.”

“And what should I let go of? Thor? My mind suggests that daily.”

“No. Your obsession with control. You couldn’t control your feelings, now you want to control where this relationship takes you. Just let go of all that stuff and go with the flow.”

I sighed. I do hate when mortals are right, but I suppose swift death and vulnerability brings wisdom to a few of them. “Thor wants to court me, ever so badly. If I agree, he’ll want to tell everyone. If he tells everyone—”

“Shut up,” Verity said, just as I tell the voice in my head. “Stop trying to take a bullet for problems that you’re making up.”

“What?”

“Okay, a sword. Stop trying to fall on a sword for Thor when you’re the one holding it? Does that even make sense?” Verity laughed, settling back against my side. She made me feel large and strong, but her words put me in my place. Thor’s massive self dwarfed me and his words could do the same at times. Well, this Thor. The Thor of today. 

“I’ll do my best,” I grumbled, placing a kiss on her head and missing Thor far more than I should.


	16. May 18th — Our Fate vs Your Fete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor has been away for an Asgardian fete -- traditional festivals featuring feasts, faires, and fucking -- or whatever...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3

* * *

 

 

The fetes of Asgard did last for days. Three was the shortest duration, though they could last through a fortnight. I was not anticipating the later, but I was hoping for Thor to return sooner than the obligatory three. Why was I hoping for such a thing knowing full and well that an Asgardian fete must last three days? Well, the fete only requires the royal family in attendance for the opening and closing ceremonies. I snuck away often to play tricks, practice my seidr (usually to play tricks), or spy upon Thor. 

“Hey, the—” started Tony as I passed him on my way to the bar. 

“Whatever witty name you plan to call me, know that this isn’t the time.”

“Oh.” 

Tony shut his mouth and watched as I rummaged through the glasses to find my green blown glass and emptied the first bottle that came to my hand with its contents. 

“I’m returning to my quarters.”

He nodded. “Is this about Thor?”

“I am returning to. My. Quarters.” I filled the glass to the brim rather than the appropriate finger length, then chilled the glass upon touch. 

Tony said nothing more as I stormed back to my quarters, furious that the door could not be slammed. I needed a good slammable door. 

_ Is someone jealous? _

“No, I already told you that I don’t care who Thor fucks at this fucking fete.”

_ Are you sure? _

“As long as he doesn’t like them better. Or think of them when he is with me. Or… what if this person is beautiful with a kind sensibility?” I nearly balled, but took a quick drink instead. 

_ You’re treacherous to put up with. Kindness and beauty would go a long way. _

“No, Verity told me to ignore you.”

_ Did she? She doesn’t know about me. About all the fracture and severed pain within you. Does Thor know just how much trouble you are? Will be? _

“He knows better than anyone.” I looked over my reflection. My hair was a bit greasy and my clothes were plain. Black pants and a sweatshirt. I had cried not long before, so my eyes were red ringed again. Was this the Loki Thor was to return to? And if so, would he want him? Could I woo him after a lustful fete? 

The buzz and crack of the Not-Bifrost erupted from the balcony. I forced a masking cloak over me and hid in the hall. [Author’s Note: At 15%, I can cast glamour, but not invisibility. However, I figured out this masking glamour that disrupts a bit of light from reflecting off my frame. If I hide in darker areas, I can remain undetected with a little luck.]

Tony greeted Thor with his usual candor. Thor told him of the fete and Tony could not stop asking questions about the goings-on. “Can I come to the next one?”

“Of course, friend. Though I’m not sure how much you’d be getting up to.”

“Oh, you mean Pepper?”

“Naturally.” 

Thor popped up on his heels, looking toward the hall. Oh, was the oaf anxious to see me? Probably to tell me that we were over because he had three wives now. 

“Stark, my apologies but I would see my brother.”

“Careful. Kitty’s got claws today. He just ran off with $399 worth of absinthe I got off the dark web. No idea what’s in the stuff. Probably good idea for a god to drink it.” He chuckled to himself. Idiot. “Yeah, he was ready to claw my eyes out. No idea what he’ll do to you.”

“Thank you for the warning.” 

Thor’s shoulders slumped, then he stretched and marched on like a warrior into battle. I half expected Mjolnir to leap into his hand and armor to appear across his body. Though his usual tight fitting jeans and shirt (a button down this time) remained as he approached. 

I ran into my room. There was no time to check my appearance and he’d see through a glamour, so I flung myself onto the bed and feigned sleep. 

Tap, tap went his rapping upon the door. I groaned and took my time in response. Tony had warned him of my impending mood, so I was ready to give it to him. 

“What?” I coughed finally answering the door, hanging in the jamb. “Oh, you’re back.” I turned and flopped back onto the bed as though no one of any importance had shown up at my door. “You’ve ruined a good nap.”

_ Why are you like this? If you hope to best his kind lovers, why are you being so—?  _

I DON’T KNOW!

“Sorry that I’ve been away for so long.” Thor toyed with his belt loops. “I should probably get a new phone. The Avengers have been pestering—”

“Yes, yes. Well, that’s fine and good. I’m busy.”

“Doing what?” He looked around. “Weren’t you just napping?” He caught himself in a victorious grin. “And Tony said you’d just been out looting his bar. Which is it, Loki?”

Damn, I used to be much better at this lying business. As you might say, Thor threw me off my game. Bastard. “Had you considered that I just don’t want to talk to you?”

Thor’s brow furrowed. “What’s wrong? Have I done something?” 

“Nothing at all. You are not promised to me. I expect nothing from you.” My heart… or rather that tundra… well, it quaked and quivered as I treated Thor so poorly. I couldn’t form an argument or thought that made much sense. My mind warred as I bit and hissed at him, a wounded animal too dumb to accept a loving hand. 

“I need you to talk to me.” Thor’s voice dropped to a low rumble. He approached with swift constitution, probably sure that I may just disappear. (I had done in the past.) With height, brawn, and ferocity, he stood before me, cornered against the vanity. “Tell me why you’re angry.”

“I can’t.”

“Stop this. Speak.”

“I can’t tell you because I don’t know!”

Thor leaned back, his form having loomed in quite the intimidating fashion. “I did not  _ participate _ ,” he began to say, then cleared his throat, “in the more flagrant activities.”

“I’ve no claim over you. You may do as you wish.” My eyes dropped to the floor. My voice dropped to a whisper. “Even if I had, I worry only that you return to me.”

“We’ve yet to talk about our… relationship. I wouldn’t make a decision like that without you.”

“Were there no offers? How convenient for you.” My tongue wagged on its own. 

“No offers? Come on. Look at me.” He made a show of flexing for a moment until I smacked his arms back down to his sides. “Anything else that’s soured your mood so?”

“Nothing that makes sense.”

“Tell me.” With a gentle hand, Thor led me to the bed, taking a seat beside me. His fingers entwined with mine and his thumb ran a course along my fingernails. Even with my poor attitude, he still found the patience to handle me. Put up with me, as my mind had said. But how long could I count on such niceties? “Speak, love.”

“Don’t call me that,” spat my tongue before I could think. “I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Thor said nothing, only kissed my head and waited. 

“I’m… upset that you didn’t return sooner.”

“But you know the king must—”

“I know.”

“And you know that I never snuck out early as you did.”

“I know.” My head lolled against his shoulder as I struggled to keep the God of Tears at bay. “I’ve no reason to be upset, but I was. Because I’m an idiot.” Thor tried to dissuade my claim, but there was no arguing how massively stupid I had become regarding all matters of Thor. “You’re wrong. I am an idiot. I couldn’t stop thinking about how you will find someone beautiful and kind and even-tempered. I put you through so much Hel and it will only get worse.”

“I told you that I was with no one else.”

“I don’t care about that. Sex is nothing. But finding a lovely queen who complements you in all ways—”

Thor pulled me upright. “I’ll stop you there. First, I might be a bit more jealous than you seem to be, so be warned. Second, have I not already found a queen who complements me?”

“Oaf.”

“See, I’m warm and sentimental; you’re dark and abrasive. Complement.”

“That’s just rude.”

He smiled and planted his firm hands upon my shoulders, kneading. His right hand slid up to my neck and the thumb of the other caressed my cheek. The blue eye sparkled like a gem and I could swear to see a flurry of ice crystals floating within. But it was the smile that tore me into pieces, so very affectionate and sincere. If his intentions were not obvious, I knew them then in that smile, stretched wide upon his face. Creasing at the edges, beside his eye, and around his eyepatch. Beaming with glory and absolute adoration.

“I missed you,” said Thor. “It was my first fete without you by my side.”

“You lie.” I couldn’t help but smile myself. “I’m impressed.”

“Would you… do you want to be with me?”

“This courting question again.” I groaned. “But if we couple, then you’ll want to tell everyone. If you do that then—” 

Thor cut my words short with his lips upon mine. His hands pulled me deftly, everlongingly toward him. It was as if I hadn’t breathed true air or drank pure water since he’d gone. The nourishment of this deity, my brother, my lover had sated something within that had been starving for ages. As sentimental as all this sounds, I could not help being overcome with such nonsense. It was exactly that — nonsense — which had corrupted my better judgment. No longer could I dedicate my purpose to selfish intent or the greater good; to the pursuit of chaos or general mischief. I was at the mercy of desire, affection, and the draw of this insurmountable love. 

Repugnant, I know.

“Answer without thinking.” Thor challenged me and before his syllables could fully escape that delicious mouth, I did just that.

“Yes, brother.”

His stupid grin could not be contained, slapping his palms together as though a slew of plans did wait in our near future. This was bad.

“Stay your hand,” said I. “I request that we continue with discretion.”

He pouted. “You mean secrecy.”

“Please? Just for me. Just for a short while longer.” My teeth clicked and ground together as I struggled at an attempt to call him ‘my love.’ That was too great a task in the moment, even for manipulation’s sake. 

“Alright. I know better now than to pressure you.” His smile returned, leaning in painfully slow to catch me in kisses and an embrace both cool and warm. “I am happy,” he said simply. Oh, what phrase of little meaning. Oh, what phrase of the deepest sentiment. But his words were kind and filled me anew. For a moment, I believed that everything would work out between us. Could work. That his confidence could somehow break through reality and smash my worries like so many foes felled by Mjolnir. I kissed him lightly, forced to refocus my attentions to halt the God of Tears from crying tears of joy all over this silly moment.

_ You mean lovely moment. Can you not admit to anything?! _

Shut up.

_ Only if you tell him. _

Tell him what?

_ That he makes you happy. _

And why would I do that? Actually, why would you want to me to do that?

_ Just a bit of fun, really.  _

I could feel the callous smirk bursting from within, so enthralled with my misery either current or future. But even so, with the desire to upset the cruel voice of my poisoned mind, I could not ignore the Golden God before me. His kindness washed over my hurried thoughts as time ticked far beyond his loving admission. If I said nothing, it could very well disappoint. If I said something biting, it could very well harm his heart. Something had to be done.

“Thor, I-I… you—”

“Hush, it’s alright. I know.” He ran his thumb across my cheek, wiping a stray tear. (Yes, a tear, but only one!) 

“Thank you,” I leaked out, my voice all a quiver. And I clung to his shirt with desperation, relief, and humble longing. Thor wrapped me in his magnanimous grasp and pulled me close until our seidr threatened to knot.

“Shall I spend this night with you?” said Thor after a heavy moment of amorous longing. “Without the sneaking perhaps?” It seemed he wasn’t interested in relocating to his guest room nor waiting around while I cast illusions and masks for the security cameras.

“You hope to stay in my bed chambers, do you?” I licked my lips and leaned close. “Whatever will they say?”

“I care not.” His hands fumbled with my sweatshirt, pulling it over my head and dropping hungry kisses along my collarbone. “I believe I should stay.”

“Do you now?” I couldn’t help, but let a moan escape me. His hands moved to my back, then haunches and thighs.

“Yes, it seems I’m needed here.” His teeth nibbled at my shoulder, sucking lightly. “And here.” His hands took deft grip of my ass and massaged the meat he found there. These actions called moans and whimpers from my lips, shutting the voice up completely. I waved my hand one moment too late to dampen the sound, though I’m sure no one heard a thing. 

Thor’s happiness had translated into lust as he pushed me down and slid me up to the center of the bed. The beastly terror clawing at my leggings and forcing his way betwixt my thighs. Oh, what a vicious man! 

And I could not help but tear at his clothing, snapping buttons from their place and pulling my nails across feverish skin that did mark and rise. He gasped, smirking haughtily, the arrogant prince, nay king. This night would be a rough go, fighting for control and while Thor would surely win, I would give challenge and require reprimand. 

So naturally I lunged for a dagger, but my wrist was caught before making it to the pillows. 

“Planning to stab me?” Thor slid my wrists above my head and parked his heft over me. “That will be my job.” His damned eyebrows danced about his forehead.

“You’re becoming rather lewd, you know that?”

With his free hand, he brushed my cheek and ran his thumb along my lip. Of course, I bit it. 

“Ouch. And you’re becoming a brat.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Thor was no longer interested in conversation, pulling my leg up over his shoulder as I fought and writhed. Without mention, I produced the oil. (We wouldn’t want to admit to being thoughtful at a nasty time like this.) Fingers slicked, he pretended to  _ force  _ his way within me as I grunted and kicked. Barked that I could feel nothing. Got one hand loose and pulled his hair, hissing into his ear that he conquer me or be killed. 

“That’s a bit harsh,” he said. 

“No murder talk in bed then? Do gods need safewords now?”

“Perhaps with you, yes.”

I groaned and sat up a bit, partially annoyed that our playtime had been interrupted. “And what will it be?”

“Mjolnir,” he said with a confident smile. That answer had derived far too quickly. “I’d never say her name falsely.”

“Seriously?” I considered what I would never utter under false pretenses and quickly realized we would be there all night sans fucking. The only word to come to mind was Frigga and using our mother’s name in bed was not going to happen. Sure, this was pseudo-incest already, but even I have my limits. 

_ Do you? _

I do. 

“Fine, I’ll use Tesseract.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Perhaps I am connected to the Tesseract in a similar way that you are connected to Mjolnir.” Was I jealous? A bit, yes. 

“Really though?” He sat back a bit, shifting his fingers. Yes, they remained inside me as we had this stupid conversation. “Does it come to your hand when you call it?” He wiggled his fingers in a beckoning motion, forcing a mewl from my lips.

“You will though.” I lunged with one hand between my legs, hoping my aim was correct. Well enough it was as I brushed his cock, hardly fumbling before I could take hold. “Won’t the Mighty King take me then?”

Thor’s hunger returned — a toothy, wanton grin. Removing his fingers and forcing my legs up and out of his way, there was little time to steady my breathing or prepare. Oh, would I be torn asunder? Fear bit at my most sensitive flesh as Thor’s furious cock traced the rim of me. 

“Do you need to say it now? Do you need your Tesseract to pull you far away from here?” Thor’s voice tore down my spine like a sword along gravel. He sunk into the nape of my neck and breathed me in like something wild and untameable. This was the Thor of fantasy. The brutish warrior all assumed him to be. Even I had assumed this to be the beginning and end to Thor as a lover, but this version merely existed to please my desire. I wanted to be preyed upon and so he would do just that. Why did I want Thor as my predator?

_ Shall I take a swing at this one? You’re a narcissist and a—    _

I feigned panic and begged for my freedom only to be pressed against the mattress with his weight, then lifted like a doll as he lined himself up… pressing the head just so. His eye of the clearest blue did worry for me. Did ask if I was truly willing. Oh, the fool. Just devour me already.

With my free hand (the other was pinned down), I dug my fingernails down his chest. The soft, perfect skin broke in three thin lines. “I yield.” 

Those were words Thor could understand. He lifted and pressed and pushed until his cocked filled me to the brim. The heat did burn something terrible, a fire that swarmed through my body and pooled at my feet like lava. 

“Tear me in half,” I cried into his shoulder as Thor leaned over me to shift his angle. To move deeper within me, bucking and grunting like a war-beast on a hel-boar. 

My legs betrayed me, quaking. My throat weakened, allowing feline moans to escape it. This spurred him on, quickening his pace until the slapping sound of slick skin seemed to echo all around. 

[Author’s Note: That ball of star energy I’d discovered through meditation only kicked in during those sweetly intimate times one may refer to as love making… thankfully… because that sex magic is potent. I don’t think I could handle that much pleasure.]

I clung to him as though death approached, desperate and powerless. My body gave in to his strength, losing all will and control. I was a vessel for something much greater as heat swarmed through my skin. Thor’s typically warm self was on fire, burning with each touch. Each painful grasp. Each furious buck. He chased pleasure and passion within me and that alone was all the power I needed. 

“Bite,” he grunted. “Bite me.” His voice has never directed such force before. It wasn’t a request, nay. It was an order. Thor demanded that I bite him as he rammed into me with rapid pace. So I did not linger. My teeth sunk into his godly flesh, tearing at the muscle above his shoulder. He cried out, the sound indiscriminate from the pain called forth by my blade between his ribs and the pain called forth by erotic sadism. I could not quite tell on my own, but Mjolnir’s name didn’t spill from his lips, so we were in the clear. 

Seeming to lose himself in the madness that wrecked us, Thor tore and beat his way inside me. Somehow deeper than I could comprehend. Filled is a simple idea, yet the space wherein I existed, Thor had consumed. My breath did halt and hitch around his efforts, shocked in the way that his cock replaced me with each thrust. If not for biting and clawing, I questioned my grip upon reality. Would I disappear? Fold between worlds? Oh, that was the point of no return. 

My body clenched and cried against the force, whimpers left my lips: “B-b-brother.”

“Yes? Yes, yes.” Thor had lost himself, quite obviously. 

“Thor, I—” said I, with all the madness of devotion. It seemed that I could not help my passion as the words did leave me. “I love you.” Such words had us spilling in a wondrous unison, though I did feel the blush of embarrassment for the admission. 

Thor wrapped me in his arms, letting go of our predator/prey shenanigans. Though I wanted to scoff and groan, his arm felt more than perfect around my shoulders and back. Sliding down to my waist and pulling me impossibly closer. His softening self still tight within, but my breath did quiet and cool. 

“I, too,” said Thor with consideration. He didn’t use those romantic words with me, those I ran from. How kind of him, I thought, drowning in his firm grip. Not only did he claim to love me, he actually intended to prove it. As I collected my breath and consciousness after quite the reckless scene, I realized there was little to be said and nowhere that I would rather be than curled against his side… just as Thor caught his breath and seemed to be collecting the mad thoughts that raced. I nearly asked, ‘what are you thinking,’ but thought better of it. I didn’t mean to sound like some lovelorn maiden, praying that this tryst meant more to the mighty form beside me than a royal romp in the hay. 

“Are you sated?” I uttered after some time, feeling confused and a touch vulnerable. 

“In this moment, perhaps. But of you? Never.” Thor sighed, pulling away to stretch his body. The expanse of him and the post-coital groan was alluring somehow. He was just as statuesque as before, but molten and calm. The glimmer of sweat that coated him shown proof of our union and smelled just as sweet. (Salty really, but you know what I mean.) 

“Do you truly intend to stay the night?” 

“If you will have me.”

“I would. I would, but—”

“If you need me to lie, I will lie. But I would ask that you not kick me out for lie’s sake.” His words were earnest as he turned on his side. Head framed by pillows and the soft light from the vanity. I could not answer with words, no. Rather I kissed him and hoped he would make the decision I could not speak. Of course, I wanted him to stay, but I could not ask as such. Instead, I pressed my lips against his and called forth the desire we shared. I breathed in his heady scent and held back only the sense to devour him whole. 

“I will stay,” he said. 

I said nothing. 

“You haven’t said Tesseract, so I’ll take that as an okay.” 

“If there is anything else you’d like to take… do what you will.” 


	17. June — Memories of Far Off Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we take a break from our usually scheduled programming for a trip down memory lane...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was short-ish... so I added another scene. <3
> 
> Also... smut?
> 
> Enjoy.

* * *

 

 

Despite the lies Thor preferred to shy away from, the following weeks went quite well. He continued to visit regularly and we continued to copulate regularly. Of course, the sentimental oaf wished to court me fully. He wanted to take me out on dates and show me off to his friends. How very dreadful, though it was nice that someone wanted to do such things with me. I didn’t know what gestures such as those might feel like. 

While Thor had always been popular, it took time for me to come into my own. Watching him excel, watching the whole of youthful Asgard fall in love with my brother… well, it left me with a complex to say the very least. On one hand, I would confide in our mother who would feed me the usual motherly lies about my beauty. Telling me just how special I was. On the other hand, our father would remind me to toughen up. To spar more. To curb my tears. To become the Asgardian ideal. Essentially, Odin encouraged me to become Thor. 

Odin was a fool in this respect. We are who we are and too much facade rings clear to all whom look. It didn’t take much to spot the differences, but if I had been smarter then, I would have noticed that these differences were my saving grace. There were rare subjects who found me quite appealing. Sure, it wasn’t the whole of Asgard, and a handful is just that, but one fete, such a maiden did approach with an apple dipped in candied sugar as a gift. 

“Prince Loki,” said the girl as she bowed. “I am Sigyn of Iridis. A small village near—”

“Bor’s Creek. I know it well.” 

“Please accept this gift. I know you love sweets.” Sigyn smiled with the innocence of a fawn. I wondered how old she was, though I wasn’t far past my coming of age. Her round cheeks and red freckles appeared youthful. She batted her eyes and blushed hot red. “This is my first fete at the castle.”

“Is it now?” I folded my arms and grinned. “By this time, I oft make my retreat.”

“Oh… but…” Her eyes fell to the floor. The poor girl was foolishly in love with a man whom she did not know save from stories. I could hardly feel empathy for her, though pity was in great supply. “Would you stay a bit longer?”

“We are but strangers. There are many who take fancy in the fete. The spirit steals them. You need not be alone tonight.”

“But Prince Loki, you are not a stranger to me.” She began rifling off details of my life. She knew my age and height, my powers, my recent ploys and pranks. A fanatic it seemed. “In the least, please take this apple.”

“Why? Is it poisoned?” I couldn’t help but cackle.

“Of course not.”

“Well, in that case, I’m disappointed.” I took the apple and disappeared it into my corporeal pocket. Sigyn’s eyes widened. Had she never seen magic before? The fun I could have with her. “Why have you come here?”

She blushed again. “To meet you, your highness.”

“To meet me or my flesh?” 

“Oh my deepest apologies, my prince.”

I stilled her cries with a wave of my hand. With all intention, I meant to turn her away. This girl did not deserve me nor I her and it truly should have followed that I abandon her then, but Norns have a funny way about them. Their weaving does leave surprise in one’s path. And down the stone path toward the main hall, Thor happened to cross. Happened to spot me and lock eyes. He signaled with his thumbs, pride for his little brother, finally claiming carnal his rite of passage. For a moment, he was alone, but a drunken lot of beautiful people collected and clamoured around him. How many times had he fucked? How many lovers had he acquired? I couldn’t very well lose my virginity the same way I’d given up my first kiss. This freckled virgin would have to do. 

“These fetes are what they are. This is Asgard,” I said, taking her hand in mine and sealing it with a kiss to her knuckle. She tasted of olive. Was she a cook, I wondered. “Would you like to follow in my escape?”

Sigyn’s face lit up, signing her doom. Oh, poor girl. It isn’t that I was a horrible choice on my own, but I was a horrible choice then. For this girl to trust in me as I thought only of gaining experience and besting my brother (or trying to get him out of my head)... t’was shameful an act as any. She was to be a vessel, nothing more. 

We dashed up to my chambers. The vaulted ceilings and gold etchings loomed overhead as Sigyn looked up with her mouth agape. Emerald curtains and serpentine tapestries hung from stone walls and doorways. The cool air shifted as I shut and locked the door with a flick of my finger. Again, Sigyn was in awe. 

“What else can you do?”

I spun my hands around, unwinding the braids of her hair until they fell in great curly bushels. I cut the lights and summoned mage lamps to float over the bed. Her eyes sparkled at the sight. 

“Have you ever…?” I dropped a look of concern over my grin. “Are you sure you want to give up something so precious to a prince well known to be a scoundrel?”

“But that is what I like about you. When I hear the tales, they thrill me.” Sigyn stalked toward me, edging us equally near the bed. “You are nothing like the warriors. They’re simple brutes.”

“Aye.” Despite her small size, I no longer felt tall, strong, or in control.

“You tricked Idunn of her apples. You enchanted the great Lady Sif, yet cast her away. You sent the Warriors Three into a trap in Alfheim where they were almost eaten by an Alf-beast. You lured Thor near to his doom in the pits of Musp—”

“Nay, lady.” I interrupted, sitting on my bed. The plush, dark furs did not comfort me. These tales were not the truth. They painted me a devil in our adventures. When had I enchanted Lady Sif? She only had eyes for Thor. Maybe I spread a rumor about it, but I didn’t enchant her. And the Warriors Three went hunting without proper approval. They almost got themselves killed. Sure, I assisted them in traveling to Alfheim without the Bifrost, but it wasn’t  _ my _ idea. And when had I lured Thor to his doom? How could I? Thor always did as he pleased. If he was going to march to the pits of Muspelheim, who was Loki to stop him? It was I, in fact, who saved him by running to Father.

(Well, I did trick Idunn of an apple. But just one!)

 Sigyn had fallen for a fiend of fable. This god of hers did not exist in me, but that was who she wanted. I could play this part. I could be this vessel and for each other, we would prove to fill voids. Nothing more. 

“You flatter me, Lady Sigyn. Such credit do you give.”

“I can give you more.” She began to untie her bodice, but I took one lace between my fingers and tugged on it with fervor. The fabric fell in one grand pool around her legs. Even the underclothes took to the floor. Her blush flourished and she wrapped her arms around her naked self in modesty. Oh yes, she was beautiful. And my body did agree, but my heart was elsewhere. That was just the thing. I needed to get it back under control. 

“Too fast?” I grinned, slinking slowly from my leather coat. “You can stop this, if you’d like. The prince would not fault you.”

“No, no. I’m ready.”

“Oh, innocent one, are you so sure? This chaotic soul may well ruin you.”

Sigyn dropped her arms and approached me, seeming to resolve herself to this fate. There was no other way to warn her without giving up my plans. Even at that young age, I did not trust easily. I would not give my motives up to this stranger who may use it against me later. She lusted for cruelty and power. So much so that she was willing to place herself in danger for this tawdry moment. It would be a dark and deserving moment… two snakes rutting for the first time. 

As punishment and a stall for time, I made Sigyn undress each obnoxious layer of clothing from me. It took quite a while in her desperation, so bare and hungry. I enjoyed that nearly as much as what was to come. In honesty, I was afraid that I may not perform well. Being unpracticed worried me and I couldn’t stop imagining Thor off with that group of beautiful people romping and rumping and pumping about. All I had to do was please one peasant girl. What would it look like if I failed?

Left in my short clothes, Sigyn climbed atop me. It seemed she’d taken lead, though wasn’t that for me to do? But I couldn’t well ask. Need I take lead? An Asgardian prince would be expected as such, right? 

Sigyn did not waste time, sliding her hands beneath my short clothes and pressing her lips to mine. Yes, I knew how to kiss. Right? Thor said I was good. But had I learned from him to kiss like a princess rather than a prince? The confusion would not stop swirling through my mind. Thoughts ablaze as there was nowhere to run. It was too late. We were nude and entwined. I opened my mouth, hoping to take some control, but she met me right away. Tongue slipping in and out. It wasn’t the same as kissing Thor. His kiss was reserved, calling me forward, demanding that I meet him. Chase him. Follow him for an eternity. The heat blistered and shocked through the core of me. But this? It felt good, but I could not gain my footing. I didn’t know what I should be doing. I needed to prove that I was the God of Mischief she had lusted for. Instead, I whimpered and Sigyn pulled away. 

“Is everything ok—” she began to ask, but I halted her with a kiss, biting her lip. I took her head in my hands, feeling foolish that I hadn’t thought of it before. Magic would be my saving grace, as it always had been. Frigga’s teachings, the witches of Vanaheim, and the tomes in the library… oh, I had more at my disposal than any may ever know. 

I flipped us over to gain control of position; I needed to keep my hands on her temples order to make this work. 

With Sigyn’s arms and legs wrapped around me, I stilled my seidr to line up and sooth her entrance. (So in a way, my seidr entered her first.) She cooed as I slid in, though I can’t quite remember what I did. My thoughts were far too caught up in controlling her perception of the moment. I massaged her temples, plying through her mind with seidr. Pulling at the strands of her consciousness. I projected ideals into her head. All the perfect scenes I’d walked in on during fetes. Even those of my brother. Why was I thinking of him again? 

For Sigyn, I provided the fantasy she’d come to me for with her candied apple. The masterful snake she desired to bed. In her mind I bucked and bit and had my way, slithering over her with my artful tongue. In reality, my body was impulsive and couldn’t find rhythm. It didn’t know how to please her and myself. And to make matters worse, I didn’t last long. And to make the worst of matters horrific, I began to cry. 

“Oh, poor Sigyn, you have come to the wrong prince for pleasure. He is a virgin and he knows not the ways of desire.” As I spoke these words, I erased them from her mind. “You have come to me in my weakness. I hope to learn from your body. So far, I’m learning that I have much to learn.”

“Prince Loki,” she moaned. 

“Yes, m’lady. Please feel what I feed your mind.” I pushed wild thrusts into her head and she cried out in ecstasy. “My apologies for the necessity of fiction, but I am unable….”

Once her climax had ended and I had cleared my eyes of tears, I released Sigyn’s mind. I climbed off the bed and walked away with haughty steps. 

“Oh, my Prince, you are so—”

“Save it for the rumors you will tell. I am off to the baths.”

“May I join you?”

I turned to her. “Is that what you expected from the villain of your fantasies?”

“No, but—”

“Did you hope to be special?” I gave a smirk and turned back to find the baths. She was special, but in a way that she could never know. 

 

~~~

 

Thor had been soaking when I showed up. He nursed a cup of mead, though it was not allowed in the baths, and groaned in delightful relaxation. The baths were not empty. Never during a fete. The steam hid secrets. Warriors coupled in far off corners. Maidens who had been snuck in to conceal their identities. But in the bath itself, Thor was alone. Why so early? 

“Brother!” he called. “Have you done it?”

“You’re quite crude.” I stepped into the water, calmed by the surge of heat. If only it could melt me and I would never have to speak with Thor about my pathetic loss of pointless virginity.

“She was very pretty.”

“Who?”

“The maiden…?” He cleared his throat. “Did something happen?”

“No, I mean, yes. I mean, everything went fine. Your brother has lain with another.” I dipped my head completely underwater and hissed as I rose. “Why does it matter anyway? Have I evolved since? Do I become a different person?”

Thor shrugged. “I never thought about it like that.”

“Because you don’t think.”

“Did you want to do it? Or did you hope to get it over with?” He offered the cup of mead and I took it, finishing the drink and throwing it against the stone tile. He frowned. “It’s not a competition—”

“Isn’t everything?”

“Is everything alright?” He looked around. “Is she alright?”

“She’s wonderful. I made sure of that.”

“So it was good then? What was it like?” Thor’s stupid smile pierced me dangerously close to the heart. 

“You want to see?” I moved close to him in the water, our bare selves only hidden by the churning bubbles and milky composure of the conditioning water. I knelt above him as he sat, then pressed my thumbs against his temples, massaging. Tangling my fingers into his hair. I showed him the truth of our mundane rut, my hands suspiciously in the same place as they were now. 

“Why were you…?” he muttered.

“I gave her what she wanted.” With that, I flashed a few visions from the fantasy I’d fed her. Thor’s brow raised though his eyes remained closed. His face was so close to mine. His lips… those I had had so many years before. I wished to have them again, though it was not meant to be. It should not have happened to begin with. And with great idiocy, I uttered, “I wish it had been you.” But the words were easily erased, culled back from his mind. I soothed his seidr and released his temples, settling back into the water to hide the developing hardness below. 

“What was that?” asked Thor.

“What was what?”

“You said something about wishing… it was me?”

_ Shit. _ Where had I gone wrong?  _ Damn. _ Perhaps Thor’s seidr held on to a bit of memory. Duly noted. “That’s what she said. The maiden. She wished for you. I could tell when I was in her mind that she wanted to be with you instead.” I turned away, feigning rejection and hurt. 

“Come now. She seemed very taken by you.”

“Yes, well, apparently no one has ever used you to get into my bed before. This is a thing that happens, Mighty Thor, and this  _ thing  _ happens to me all the time.” I took a heavy breath, forcing anger where sheer panic did lie. 

“I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Loki. That’s horrible for your first—”

“Let us never speak of this again.” I wanted to get up and leave, but my physical predicament kept me chained to the water. 

“Agreed.” Thor shouted for more mead over his shoulder. “If it’s any consolation to you, brother, I didn’t do much of anything tonight.”

“I doubt that.”

“No, really. I think my reputation sees far more action that I get around to.” He boomed with laughter, snatching both cups of mead from the tray brought in by rather fetching server. Or perhaps anything was fetching in my state of arousal. Though it may have been his vague similarity to Thor. 

 

~~~

 

“Do you remember that fateful fete?” Thor asked, head rested on my chest and wrapped in my arms. He rustled about to face me, beard scratching my skin. “It was rather fateful for you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve always wanted to ask you, but for quite a time, I’d forgotten all about it.”

“Do enlighten me.”

He scrambled up to sit before me, crossed-legged and perched up at attention. “Your maiden didn’t want me, did she?”

“This was so very long ago. I hardly remember.”

“You remember every slight against you. If she had climbed into your bed with the hopes of getting closer to me, you would remember.” Thor drummed his heavy fingers against my sternum. “You see, I always thought it was fishy. You said, ‘I wished it was me.’ Me! You wanted me to take your—”

“This is quite enough. Are you getting some sort of pleasure mocking me this way? You want proof that I have desired you long before you ever took such a candle to me? Well, fine. Yes. I was the first,  _ brother _ . Long before I knew we weren’t related by blood.”

Thor pulled me into a firm embrace before I could ramble on in anger. It had not been his intention to upset me, though it rarely is. He enjoys playful jabs, but never does he wish to harm my heart and in this, I need to learn trust. 

“In the images you showed me… I watched you. I did not watch her.” Thor spoke low into my ear, sinking into kisses along my neck. “I didn’t understand it, but I think I wanted you then.”

“You should have taken me.”

“Perhaps.”

“You may take me now.”

“Yes, brother.”

 

 

~~~

“In the bath,” Thor had ordered as I followed his beck and call. You see, we’d already fooled around, though he’d been sweet and dreamy with his desire. I’m not sure what it was, though I guess he had found himself fantasizing. He imagined the two of us in the baths of Asgard, shy brothers afraid of admitting their terrible secret. Well, I could definitely oblige. Role play is part and parcel of my wheelhouse. 

 My quarters included an attached washroom and bath with an overhead shower. Though you may be surprised, Thor and I had not yet  _ blessed the bath _ , as it were. 

I drew the bathwater, adding essential oils to reenact the fragrant waters of Asgard. There isn’t quite a match on Midgard for Asgardian baths. “Is this heat to your liking, my King?” 

Thor lumbered over and sat upon the edge. Rather than stone, this bath was porcelain. And rather than a large, echoing chamber, this bath was set in a metallic and tile bathroom. This did not make Thor look any less regal or delicious, seated nude upon the bath’s edge. 

“Aye,” said Thor, running one hand through the water. “Get in, brother.”

“Oh, I see. Yes,  _ brother. _ ” I curtsied and made my way into the bath, slipping down into the water until I was submerged up to my shoulders. To Tony’s credit, the bath was quite large. I wasn’t sure whether this was purely his taste or I’d been lucky, but I was glad for it. Four people could fit comfortably in that bath. For a prison, Stark Tower is a luxurious one. 

Thor eased in behind me, pressing his nose to my neck and breathing in. “I don’t want you to smell like her. Like Sigyn.”

“Oh, Thor… are you jealous?”

“Maybe.”

“Is my brother upset that he did not have me first?” I spun around, whipping him with the wet ends of my hair. “It would not have been right.”

“I care not.”

“And besides, I did not have you first.” I pouted, slipping my hands up over his chest. “You must not have wanted me  _ that _ badly.”

“I will make up for it now.”

Thor rushed me, taking hold as though in battle, catching me by surprise. He pushed me up to the edge, spinning me back around, and pressing my chest against the bath’s edge. “What would you have done about this?”

“Back then? I might have fought you.”

“Fight me.”

With a smirk, I struggled against Thor’s menacing grip, but as it would always be, there was no besting Thor. He was strong beyond all knowledge and gained strength with each passing day. 

“Ah~” He grinned, or at least I could feel a grin against the nape of my neck. “Is that all?”

“I would have lied. I would have pretended that I didn’t want you to fuck me right then and there.”

“Lie to me.”

“Release me, brother!” I shook my head and turned until I met his eye. “Thou art a fiend and I hate you.”

Thor kissed me on the edge of my mouth. It was sort of sweet, despite his playful naughtiness. Perhaps he needed to ensure I didn’t actually hate him. What an oaf. 

“I would know,” he said, between kisses and nips along my neck and shoulder. His hands roamed and groped me, especially my ass and thighs. “I would know who penetrated my brother first.”

“Technically, I did.”

“When did you do that?”

“It was ~ah~ after Sigyn.” I couldn’t help but moan as Thor’s hands became friskier. “I thought of you often and when I saw you spar, I began to wonder—”

“I wish I’d known.” Thor’s voice ground into me like gravel in a quarry. His body rocked into mine and I yelped, wishing that he’d stop talking and just fuck me already. “If only… then we’d have started this ages ago.”

“No, we were different. I don’t think we could have handled this.” 

“Then let’s dream.”

“No, you want my memories. You want me to tell you that I magicked a phallus and took myself with your name upon my tongue.”

Thor grunted, sliding his cock across my entrance (that he’d already entered that night!) This is to say that I was ready. 

“Oh, yes, brother,” I said. “That is exactly what happened.” 

Thor reached around and took me into his fist, pumping my cock in the stiflingly hot water. 

“Oh, brother…” I said. “What of my maiden form? Did you know I did the same?”

Thor’s grip tightened on my hip as though he’d been holding back this entire time. 

“I thought of you in this very scenario, hot and sweating in the baths. You’d just returned from sparring and could not help your lust for victory. You hungered for a prize and there I was.”

“There you were.” Thor groaned as he took hold of my hair and pulled me close.  

“I want to be your prize, brother. I want you to feel you’ve earned me, but also… also…” I lost my voice as Thor lined himself up and pressed forward, penetrating me fiercely. I wasn’t expecting that and oh, how he must have known I’d love it. 

“You also wish to be special.” Thor nearly growled this at me as his hands bore down upon my frame, limiting my meager movement and his body thrust into mine without warning. “There is nothing more special than you.”

“Liar!” I shouted, though the words were not intentional. I cried out to the heavy thrum of Thor’s cock surging into me. 

“Loki, I would risk everything to be with you.” Thor kissed my shoulder. “You warn me of the obstacles and I care not, because none are worse than being without you.” His hands slipped to my hip bones, tilting me just so, before switching his pace to something ginger and passionate. “I curse every minute I wasted ignoring this desire.” All the way in and then all the way out, he went. The push and pull was an intoxicating drag of pleasure. “You are all that matters.”

“Is this what Young Thor thinks? Ah~ the prince who would one day be k-king~ and slaughter all the—”

“He does. He wishes now to leave his scent and seed, marking you.”

“You’re an animal, Thor.”

“You’re literally an animal sometimes.”

I giggled, though I didn’t mean to.

“Sit in my lap,” he growled. “I would look at you.” Despite this request, he slammed into me a few times, wrecking my words and breath. I could only agree.

I sat in Thor’s lap, straddling to face him. His fierce hands to hold of my ass and my subservient, obedient hands rested against his chest. 

“Is this good, brother?” I said, affecting a little extra submission to our roleplay. 

“Yes.”

“If you’d been honest with yourself that day, this is how you would have taken me?”

Thor nodded. “I don’t care who would have seen.”

“You’re reckless.”

Without warning, Thor pounded into me once more, his fingertips pressed so deeply that I worried for my flesh ripping to shreds. Well, I would have if I hadn’t wanted this so badly. All the time that had passed seemed to be owed somewhere. All the silly fantasies and first times and frantic fuckings made to cover up our desire… none of it mattered. Thor was there and he was desperately rutting against me with all his might, pressing me tirelessly into the tile. If not for our earlier session, my body may have truly torn in two, but I was ready for him to rip all of his regrets from my body. 

“Brother,” he called out, tugging at my cock and speeding up his pace. The pleasure welled up around my thighs and ankles, a heat building from within. My brow dotted with sweat and the water seemed to boil all around us. “You’re mine.” His voice demanded acceptance, though I found it funny he need ask. 

“I’m yours,” came my voice, tirelessly accepting his love and his need and his cock. He tore deeper somehow. It pleaded to be the best and the only and the most and the everything I ever need have. Though I refused to give Thor and his masterful fuck-making the satisfaction, I relented in crying out with a sound so embarrassing, Thor could not help but cover me in soothing kisses and rubbing his hands over my back as though I’d come a million times and swore my death upon the stake of his cock. 

But as much as I may joke, I meant those words. I was his. I would always be. Was he mine? I hoped, but… I mean, Thor is Thor regardless of a Loki. My head lolled and fell against his shoulder as the cock below quickened once more. How did he have the energy? I was near to passing out. The pleasure had mounted atop itself. I was ready to spill, but my body seemed to be waiting. Was that possible? Could my body be so synced that it would wait for him? 

I cried out again as I rode his desperate cock. (Sure, my asshole was desperate too, okay.) But it wasn’t long before Thor was upon the precipice. Each volley of his thrusts sent rings and waves of lust through my core. I laughed more than once at just how maddening it all was. How could anything feel that good? Again and again and again. 

“Brother, please. Fill me.” I tugged at his hair and kissed him softly, breathlessly. 

“Say it again,” he whispered. 

“Fill me, brother.”

“And… and the other~” His voice creaked and his hands took hold anew, adjusting like a mountain climber to perfect his grip. 

“I am yours.” 

Oh, not only did I please my King, but I made his fantasies a reality. He bucked and quivered as I did the same, coming into the bathwater… well, Thor came into me, clearly. I whispered the words he wished to hear over and over as we jerked about to the intensity of orgasm.  _ I’m yours, I’m yours, fill me…  _

But then he said, “Loki… you know you have me too?” His voice lacked all heft and conviction. He was that youthful idiot of so many years ago, unsure of his prowess, merely relying on his laurels. He wished for validation. He sat there with two handfuls of me and his body submerged within my own. Did I know that I had him? Did he know that I wanted nothing other? 

I rubbed my hands across his shoulders and settled in around his neck, nuzzling a bit before pulling back. “You are mine whether you like it or not.”

Thor’s eye lightened into a skylit blue as he pulled me close. How was this perfect? How had everything worked so well? There was just no way around it. I wanted him; he wanted me; and may the gods pity anyone who would be fool enough to tear us apart.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for your comments. I'm behind on replies, but trust me, they fuel my soul and you're wonderful and beautiful. <3


	18. July 2nd — Happy Birthday to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor just can't help himself; he wants to tell the world...

* * *

 

 

Verity was turning an age she refused to admit and didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. She needed a refuge from her mortal friends who intended on making quite the deal over her rapid aging. Rapid for me. Not you. She ages normally for that of a human. 

Of course, I invited my dear friend to spend her birthday with me. As a gift, I enchanted a hair pin that could color and change the texture of her hair instantly. It wasn’t nearly as difficult to ask Tony for permission as it had been in the past. He seemed to be getting used to me, nay, taking a liking to me. Were we friends?

She insisted that we watch  _ The Birdcage _ which is not about bird, to my surprise. We cuddled a bit and she asked for advice about Natasha. That was annoying. 

“I think you should relax. If you become obsessed, well, that’s just not a good look. It isn’t cute.” Then the movie distracted me; I couldn’t help but judge the drag presentation. “I could do that much better.”

“Without magic?”

“Yes, well… probably.” 

And as we argued about makeup skills and the idea that magic is cheating even though magic (seidr) requires centuries of perfection to hone… Thor came in. Now, this wouldn’t typically be a problem, but the smallest details can be the most incriminating. Verity leaped up, tearing herself from my side in the most peculiar way. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb—” said Thor.

“Oh, no, it’s nothing. I should probably get going.” Verity gathered her tote and jacket. She stared at the gift, still wrapped, and eyed me down as if to ask, ‘Do you think it’ll look suspicious that you’re giving me gifts?’

“Take your stupid present, Verity.” I turned to Thor. “It’s her birthday and she just turned oaf-years-old.”

“Oh? That’s my age.” Thor chuckled. “Happy Birthday, Verity. You really needn’t go on my account.” 

Verity with her gift for spotting lies was a horrible liar herself. She gave Thor a dumb look and apologized. Turned to me and said that she would see me at work. Then the woman bid her leave and as soon as the door shut, I knew something bad was about to happen. Oh, Norns, what were you brewing for me? 

“So she knows, huh?” Thor took a seat beside me, clamping down on my thigh with one hand. It said, ‘you’re going nowhere.’

“What are you talking about?”

“The way she jumped up like you’d been caught. Why should she act so strangely if I’m only your brother?”

“Oh, we’ve been getting rather close as of late, but she doesn’t want anyone to know. Jealous?” I winked at him, but he gave me a squeeze to the thigh and let go. 

“Why is it fair that you get to tell her and I can tell no one?”

“I didn’t  _ tell _ her. She figured it out; that’s not the same thing.”

“And tell me, does it feel good to have someone to confide in?” He stared at me with earnest, standing up to face me. “To share your joy. To vent your frustration. Just to have someone who  _ knows _ that isn’t me. That’s all I want, Loki.”

I rolled my eyes. “Like I said, it wasn’t my intention. She just figured it out with that enchantment of hers. She could tell I was hiding something and—”

“I want to tell everyone. Have I not been patient?” Thor knelt before me and took my hands in his, scooting forward on his knees. “Have I not proved my discretion?”

“Discretion won’t matter if you blab to all your Avengeful friends and they throw me out on the street and then—”

“That won’t happen, Loki. I swear it.”

“You haven’t the power to control their opinions. Neither do I. But perception, that can be controlled. We can make them see us as brothers and nothing more. It keeps us safe.” I dropped my head to his shoulder. “It keeps you safe.”

“In the short term. I’m playing the long game. I want to be with you completely. Not just rutting about in secret.” Thor pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Not that it isn’t fun.”

He was right. It pained me so. Thor would not be able to go on this way. I could not continue to request time and hope that I may convince him for more. He needed validation. He needed a lover, not simply an affair. Oh, how I wished I could save him without breaking his heart... 

I bit my lip, begging for blood, but Thor took my face to his and kissed me before I could injure my wary skin. It was surreal to experience his love in this form. He truly loved me much deeper than I could comprehend. I could feel it as though it were tangible. I weaved my fingers behind his neck and ended the kiss with several short pecks until the tickle left him chuckling. 

“Tomorrow,” I said between pecks. “We will tell them tomorrow.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I just want one final night free of risk.” I pushed Thor to the floor and climbed into his lap, never pulling my woven hands away. “And then, in the morning, we will go.”

“We can spend every second together until then. No risks of the outside world tearing us apart, right?” He started away on kissing my neck, scratching me with his beard and leaving marks no doubt. 

“Yes, it will be wonderful.”

“And we should not sleep. Every moment is precious.” His grip tightened around my waist.

“Well, we’ll need to sleep. Beauty rest.”

“It’s one night. Besides, you are infinitely beautiful already.” Why was Thor squeezing so tightly?

“I thought it might be nice to break fast together. I’ve learned to do some cooking recently, so I’d like to make you something specia—”

“Loki.” His grip tightened ferociously, then he let go completely and leaned back. “Why are you so determined to find a reason to leave?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I get it.” He groaned. “I thought we were past this, but we’re back to old patterns. You betray me and—”

“Thor, I really don’t know what you mean.” Though I absolutely did know. 

“You’re going to sneak away and tell them a lie, so that once we both go tomorrow, no one will believe me.”

“I can’t believe you’d assume such a thing.” He was right, though. “After all we’ve been through.”

“I’ve just caught you in a lie. And I know you well enough to spot a scheme.” Thor took my ankle in his hand and massaged the joint, though it was clear that he meant to keep me from running off. “I have faith that you would not plot to hurt me, but lies are one of your greatest weapons. You would not put down that which has protected and served you well.” His wary eye looked up, pinning me to his gaze. “Will you come with me?”

“Where?”

“To go speak with Stark.”

“Wait, why? Now?”

“Yes, I’m going now. To tell him.”

“Please don’t. You were right. I lied, but let us not be hasty.”

“Hmm, you’re right. You must come with me. I cannot have loose ends. Learned that much from you.” Thor dragged me closer by the ankle, then swooped me up and over his shoulder. How very humiliating. If this had been another scene, I may have truly enjoyed the feeling, but this was horrible. Thor was marching me out to our doom. He was about to tell Tony that we were cavorting about in lustful bliss! The Avengers were about to tear us apart and stupid Thor just could not understand that living freely was a much greater lie than I could ever hope to tell. Freedom is not free; it costs greatly. What was he doing? He was ruining us! Why would he just not listen?!

 

~~~

 

“Stark!” Thor demanded, finally setting me down after we’d traveled to all Tony’s usual spots. He happened to be in the basement, a workshop more than a laboratory. 

“Hey, ThunderCats. Wait, were you just carrying him?” Tony removed a pair of goggles and set them on the bench. “Funny you should come down here. I’ve been working on an eye for you. Figured you might like some of that depth perception the kids are raving about.”

I needed to act before Thor; thank Odin’s rascally ravens that Tony was such a loud mouth.

“Tony,” I nearly shouted. “Do not believe anything that Thor is about to say; I have set a curse upon him!” Yes, that pissed off Thor rightly. If I enjoyed annoying him as much as I used to, that would have sent me into a fit of giggles. But lo, I loved him intimately… or whatever. 

“Stark, obviously you would listen to me over Loki.” He glared at me, so I returned one back. 

“Okay, guys,” said Tony. “I really don’t know what’s going on, but for safety sake… sorry, man.” He turned the damper up to 100% from an application on his wristwatch. Yes, this was the reality of Loki, God of Mischief. “So Thor, go ahead.”

“Ah, well.” He blushed. “You see, Loki and I have taken up together in secret a-a-and have for some time. A few months actually. And… um, we would like to announce our relationship.”

Tony’s face went blank. He blinked and looked about as if trying to spot a fly. “Hmm, I’m… wow, really wasn’t expecting that.”

“My apologies for keeping this quiet.”

“If what you’re saying is true, I’m glad you did.” He snickered, then shook his head. “So you’re saying that the two of you want to announce your relationship, while Loki is standing here looking like a hostage. Doesn’t add up.”

“Because… okay,  _ I _ wanted to announce it. He didn’t.”

“Okay, and at the same time, he’s claiming this is all some magic spell that he put on you?”

“As a joke,” I added.

“You pranked Thor with a spell to make him think he’s in love with you so he’d run in here and make an ass of himself?” Tony chuckled. “Okay, I’ll admit, that’s pretty funny.”

“See! I knew it!” 

Thor shot a look of anger and confusion at me.

“This is tough, because it’d be way easier if Loki was right since that means no weird brother-on-brother business for me to sort out, mentally. I’ve got an overactive imagination. Seriously, I won’t be sleeping for weeks. So — and I hate to ask you this, Thor — but do you have proof?”

Thor turned to me, searching for something. He took my hand and attempted to kiss me, but I pulled away. He looked up thoughtfully and crossed his arms. Laughter seemed to build within him, but escaped his lips with a whimper. “Loki is a trickster. We’ve alluded discovery with his magic. He has tricked your cameras and muffled sound. There is no proof by design. Right, Loki?” He looked at me, but I could not return the gaze. “You’ve done such a good job covering our tracks.”

“Well, that’s really weighing in your favor, Loki.” Tony crossed his arms, then a sudden look of epiphany shot through him. “Is this your April Fools’ gag? I mean, that’s not really how it works, but—”

_ Oh, there it is Loki. Your day of wreckoning. Had you forgotten about the lie that built this whole nasty little tryst? I thought you had. But you know who won’t forgive? _

I shook my head and tried to plead Tony to stop with my eyes. It didn’t work and he went on:

“—because I was surprised when nobody got pranked by the master… especially with all your magic.”

“What is this?” asked Thor, his tone harsh. The blue in his eye gone grey. 

“We had a drinking bet going the day before April Fools.’ Loki won, so he got magic privileges.”

Thor spun around, seeming to grow to that of a giant. I had never felt smaller, shrinking in on myself, wishing to return to just a few nights before, wrapped in Thor’s arms. A Thor who loved me and had faith in me and did not wish to murder me. “And what did you use your magic on,  _ Loki _ ?”    __

“Brother, please.”

“No lies. You will tell me what you’ve done right now!”

Tony cleared his throat. “Maybe I should leave.”

“No, you should stay. I need witnesses apparently.”

_ You’d better come up with something good, though I suppose it doesn’t quite matter. It’s over now. Your relationship is over. You will never hold him nor he you.  _

“Thor, I… please hear my words. Believe them. I will not lie this day.”

“You have already lied. Just speak.”

I took a deep breath, but my lungs did quake. My eyes darted about as I struggled to find the words that may smooth the impact of the news. “I ran into Jane that morning. She hadn’t the courage to break things off with you, so I—”

“It was you?” His brow furrowed, steeped in pain. “You took her form and broke up with me. Then you planted this seed of my infatuation with you. Why?”

“Thor, I—”

“How can I believe that Jane intended to break things off? How can I believe one word, one breath, one touch? You have played with me as a toy and covered every track like the snake you are.” He rubbed his palmed across his beard. “You even told me not to speak to her. I should have known. I bet you asked her for the very same.”

“Thor, I did not mean to hurt you!” The tears fell, though I’m sure you could guess that. They poured over my lids as heat burned behind my eyes. 

“No! You don’t get to cry. You don’t get to look away. You’ve done this. Take responsibility. Eyes on me and stifle yourself.”

I took a deep breath and clenched my jaw. Holding back the God of Tears without any seidr is nearly impossible. 

“Loki, I don’t understand your jest. This isn’t funny. It has gone on far too long. Are you sick to think a charade so deep is humorous? To lay with me as I confess love?”

“Thor, I’m sorry. I swear this changes nothing.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“Honestly, I’d forgotten. I became so wrapped up in competition, then wrapped up in… in you.”

Tony stood and waved his hands. “Okay, this soap opera is getting way too heavy for me. Am I allowed to leave or do I need S.H.I.E.L.D. human resources? God resources? Either way, I’m pretty sure this is sexual harassment.”

“No need. I’ll be leaving.” Thor did not look at me. He nodded to Tony and headed out with footsteps so leaden, he could have blown through the floor. I didn’t speak until he was gone, watching his figure disappear through the glass and into the elevator. I wondered whether this would be the last time I’d ever see him. Maybe it would be easier that way. 

_ No, you’ll see him. He’s an Avenger and you live—   _

Shut up!

Tony took a seat and offered up a stool for me. He poured two drinks, but I didn’t see the bottle. Where had it come from? 

_ You’re just trying to distract yourself from the love of your life walking out never to return. _

“So do you wanna tell me what happened?”

I threw the liquid down my throat and mumbled through the important details. In summary, Thor was telling the truth and I just ruined everything. “I meant only to protect him. You said it yourself that you hoped I was right. And I saw that look of disgust on your face.”

“Sorry, but this isn’t the easiest thing to swallow. Oh, bad choice of words. Anyway, I’ll get over it. We all will. Did you think we’d turn our backs on Thor just because he had a thing for you?”

“Yes. Or you may refuse to believe it possible for Thor to desire me without sorcery. Though questioning me too greatly would not end well. We wouldn’t want another Civil War on our hands, Tony.” I chuckled somehow, feeling beyond depressed. I hadn’t imagined the devastation from losing Thor, though its inevitability had loomed over my head since before it even began. My chest tightened and breath strained, though I did what I could to hide this from Tony. He need not know the depths of my anguish. I had lost Thor. There was no getting him back. And worst of all, I had broken his heart. 

“It matters not,” I said, wiping stray unbidden tears from my cheeks. “My efforts were in vain. It is over.”

“Hey, come on.” Tony groaned, probably remembering this was a romance between brothers at hand. I couldn’t care less for his comfort. “I’m sure he’ll come around. Or at least he’ll come back.” Tony crossed his arms and kicked one foot against the rest of the stool. “So seriously though, this… you two?”

“Ask your FRIDAY for the lounge security camera from… April-twenty-something. That’s the only time I wasn’t careful.”

“Do I really want to see—”

“It’s a kiss is all. But that is your proof if you need it, though I’m not sure why you’d need proof now.” I held my empty glass to him and waited for it to be refilled. “I’ve ruined this beautiful thing, trying to protect him from you. In my efforts to protect his heart, I crushed it.”

Tony drank with me, but said little. For once, he was at a loss for words. And for once, I wished he had something more to say. Instead, we drank. Drank until his curiosity called for the itch to be scratched and he played the video of Thor and me in the lounge kissing over french fries. 

“Oh wow, that’s definitely not acting.”

“Good that you believe me.” 

Tony poured another round. “So this is legit. You really love him like that.”

“I do. And he… did.”

“Weird. But Thor’s always been weird and you’ve always been weirder than him.” Tony sighed. “I kinda feel like I messed this up for you guys… if I was the kinda guy who went around taking the blame or apologizing for that matter.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t expect you to. Normally, I’d search for a scapegoat, but I will own this one.” I slumped over in my stool, staring up at the hologram projection. “Could you play it again?”

“Uh… why? Are you getting some kinda kick out of this?”

“Possibly. Maybe I’m remembering the good times. Everything was wonderful until today.” I laughed to myself as tears began to flow again. “And I’m trapped here. I can’t even follow him or run away. No, I’m trapped with all his friends… in his place of work. I’ve given up all my freedom just to stay close to him. Just to make life easier for him, but I’m so very toxic that I have—”

Tony stood and approached me. Good Golden Apples, he was short. “Hey, coming from a guy who’s been called toxic more times than I care to admit… who fell for someone as straight laced and level headed as Pepper and really put her through hell… whining drunk in a basement won’t help. It won’t get her… er, him back.”

I nodded, though I wanted to throw him through the glass partition, he was right. I pitied myself and blamed myself even more harshly, but fault did not repair Thor’s heart. There was only one way to do that. He needed to know his emotions had not been manipulated. He needed to know that I meant no harm and loved him sincerely. 

Despite his advice, Tony poured another round. He called for a toast to narcissistic boyfriends, though I didn’t quite like the sentiment. I touched his glass to mine and finished the drink. It would be far more difficult to argue against narcissism than to accept it. 


	19. July 4th — What a Cruel Joke this Independence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers have their varying opinions, but nothing matters while Thor is away...

* * *

 

 

With the secret out, I no longer cared who discovered my love affair with Thor. What was the point? With Tony on my side, or at least lacking judgment, I could cease worry that Thor’s friends would turn away from him. They would not treat him poorly. They were true friends. 

For the most part.

“Gross,” said Barton, learning of the affair for the first time. It was a holiday for these Avengers; the lot of them showed up for what appeared to be a meager feast by Asgardian standards. The drink was ample though and I preferred to remain intoxicated while I got used to a cold bed. 

“Yes,  _ Clint _ , we were gross indeed.” I gestured with a mug of ale. I’d been downgraded from liquor by Tony. Yes, Tony, of all people. “I could give you all the naughty details, but I’m sure it would give you a complex. Or perhaps you’ve imagined Thor f—”

“Okay, buddy.” Tony pulled me from the barstool. Well, he couldn’t actually do that if he wanted to, but I didn’t put up a fight. “Let’s sit on the couch with Nat and Steve. You like them, don’t you?”

Barton grumbled something about Thor being under my spell and I shouted something about Barton having been under my spell once. This nearly turned into a fight, but Lady Natasha shot a look his way and the Captain shook his head at me. He was the only being in the room who could physically best me as long as the monster stayed in Bruce’s mind cage. 

“My apologies, Barton. I haven’t been handling this very well.” I took my seat on the couch between Lady Natasha and Captain Rogers as directed. My mug of ale had disappeared, replaced by water and a dish of fire cooked meats. “Have you all learned magic?”

“No, you’re just drunk.” Lady Natasha placed a wing of chicken in my hand. “Eat something.”

“I’ve no appetite, really.”

“There’s no doubt in my mind that this is a real breakup.” She sighed. “If you wanna go back to your room—”

“No, the voice in my head will accost me with hateful words. I’d rather stay with you, if you don’t mind.” I smiled helplessly. For the first time, I wished they were  _ my  _ friends. Oh, it was the Warriors Three and Lady Sif all over again. I wanted them to be my friends, to care for me as they did Thor, but I was merely important to them as their prince and as the brother of their friend. I alone did not garner their friendship. I could see it in their disappointment when only I came ‘round sans Thor. 

I rested my head on Lady Natasha’s shoulder; sudden tears fell as though I’d bid them permission. With all my strength and the bit of seidr returned, I held fast to silence. I could not sob before these heroes. Nay, I would only admit to tears alone and hope that only Lady Natasha would feel them against her shoulder. She did, in fact. She pet my hair and said nothing as I cried. 

The Captain cleared his throat. “So… um… Yeah. Fourth of July, huh.”

“Is that what you meant to say? Real smooth.” Tony shook his head. “I’m surprised you’re not wearing your gear. Woulda been appropriate.”

“My propaganda uniform? Yeah, I’m back and forth on it, as you know.” He scratched his head, then turned to me, awkwardly. He did not look at me because he wanted to speak with me. It was more a look of concern and confusion. Something like, ‘what do we do with him?’ “So, Loki… do you have holidays like this back on Asgard?”

“Read a room, Steve.” Tony groaned. “Or did you forget his planet blew up?” He pantomimed an explosion.

“It’s alright, Tony.” I sat up and wiped my face, nodding to Lady Natasha for her humble care. “Asgard was known as the realm eternal, conquering all other realms in cosmic balance. Though we celebrated our victories against those who fought hardest.” I didn’t bother going on. They needn’t know detail of war against Svartalfheim, Muspelheim, or Jotunheim. They needn’t learn the history of our father and grandfather. Our? Why was I speaking as if Thor was there? Thor wasn’t there and it didn’t seem that he would be coming. 

Until he did. 

The Not-Bifrost cracked and my skin went cold as though my jotunn form had suddenly taken hold. The sunny sky turned overcast, but at least it wasn’t raining. The whole of New York City didn’t deserve to suffer their holiday through a storm over our account. 

My hand clutched Lady Natasha’s instinctively. 

“Do you wanna stay or go?” she asked. 

“Maybe I should go.”

She nodded and escorted me from the lounge. Over my shoulder, I could hear the awkward greetings. Glad you could make it; I didn’t know if you’d show up; and Barton just had to ask, ‘So were you and Loki seriously a thing?’ 

I didn’t stick around to hear the answer to that. 

 

~~~

 

“Do you want him back?” asked Lady Natasha. “I’m guessing you do.”

“Are you not disgusted or surprised?”

“I’ve seen a lot of shit in my time. It takes a lot to disgust me. Cosmic alien gods — slash —  adoptive brothers in love? Meh.” She sat beside me on the bed, looking down as I folded in knots. “And surprised? Nope. You guys always had a vibe.”

“Did we?”

“Yeah. Totally transparent.” She grinned and nearly laughed. “Remember when we made out in the limo? It was so obvious that you were putting on a show for him. Like you wanted him jealous or horny… or both.”

I covered my face to hide the rising blush, then gave up. She saw through me. There was no point. I could see why Verity and Lady Natasha would make a good match. 

“So you want him back?”

I stared at the door, remembering the way he would burst in and wrestle me to the bed. Remembering his smile and the look in his eye. Remembering the sincerity in his voice when he spoke kind words so lovely. Yes, I wanted him back. 

“There is no way to get him back, m’lady.”

“Really? You’re Loki, God of Mischief, and you’ve played yourself into a corner with no cards? I don’t believe that for a second.” 

_ Need I spell it out for you? _

No, don’t tell me. I’ll think of it.

_ It’s—   _

Shut up; I’ll think of it on my own. 

“Jane!”

The Good Doctor, Lady Jane Foster, was my lifeline. My ace in the hole. My arrow to the casket. (That’s another Asgardian saying. Picture a thousand flaming arrows flying toward a casket; this arrow hits the target.) Thor would not believe me, but he may just believe Lady Jane. 

“Wait, why her?”

“I’m sure you considered Verity, but she holds my confidence and does not have any limitations on her ability to lie to my brother. Even so, it’s just a bandaid. Verity can tell Thor that I have not lied, but it does nothing to return his faith in me. But Lady Jane can tell him the truth from her side.”

“Why would she? Doesn’t she like… and forgive me if this is harsh, but doesn’t she hate you?”

“She shouldn’t. I saved her life on Svartalfheim. Did S.H.I.E.L.D. leave that out of their incident report? I’m sure they did.”

“Focus.”

I pouted, twining my finger through her belt loop. “Yes, well, I granted her said favor for another in return. She owes me. And this is what I will have.”

“So she tells Thor that she made a deal with you and then you took it too far because you’re Loki. Then we cross our fingers?”

It truly was a risky plan, nay, empty effort. But this was all I had left. I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, projecting star clusters of space overhead with my seidr. Lady Natasha fell back with me and watched the dance of passing galaxies, cloudy and sparkling, over a sheet of black. 

“This was our view from the Statesman — Thor and I. Asgard’s night sky was quite similar. I could have told him then, but I didn’t fully understand these feelings within myself. It took centuries. I did not know what it meant to step back humbly and watch Thor ascend. Now, rather than stew in envy, I look on in support. During Ragnarok, I saw him at his fullest. The God of Thunder. The greatest of us all. Years ago, my jaw would have dropped in spite. But then, I smiled when he wielded his lightning strength from his fists. I could not have been more proud of him. 

“Though I’ve always loved my brother, truly… always wished what was best, I could not get past my fear that he did not see me. That he would stop caring. That he would forget to turn back and notice I’d been there all along. But I see now that once he learned humility here on Midgard, Thor saw my potential. Once he lost me, he wanted me to return. You ask if I want him back and I do, but first, I hope to repair the heart I have broken.” 

Lady Natasha held my hand and squeezed, though she said nothing. The touch anchored me as I felt myself spinning, flying into the stratosphere. My soul wished to leave me. To find a place among these false stars. If it could not touch Thor’s love, it wanted none of me. It would rather float through time in a mirage than exist without Thor. 

“Look at these stars,” I said, pointing to the ceiling. “We gazed upon them daily on our way here as he assured me that your Earth would forgive. We shared a room and eventually a bed when there was need elsewhere. Nothing happened between us, though I desired it. But I was content in knowing he wished to keep me by his side. He hoped beyond hope that all would be fine on Midgard. So I resigned to give in to all your rules and I did that for Thor. I will continue to endure for him. If he can understand that I did not manipulate his heart, that all this is just a symptom of the sickness in me… oh, please may he forgive that I love him so. That I denied myself the admission for so long… If I lose a lover in all this, I can suffer the pain in my heart, but to lose him entirely—”

“Hey,” said Lady Natasha. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. Call Jane. See what happens. Thor’s a good guy. He’ll hear you out or I’ll knock some sense into him myself.”

Of course her kindness made me cry again. I held onto her and she ran her fingers through my hair. It was as if Mother were here. Lady Frigga holding her little Loki after the Warriors Three did tease. Oh, how I missed her so. I could not lose Thor. 

I just couldn’t. 

 

~~~

 

I’m not one to doddle, so I phoned Lady Jane right away. Lady Natasha bid me privacy and noted that she hadn’t really eaten, worrying over me. How kind. Also, how rude. I didn’t have it in me to feel badly for minor, indirect actions. IIt wasn’t my fault that she’d chosen to care for me rather than eat.) I had supremely fucked the one relationship that has mattered more than life itself. Truly. I believe we are intertwined at the weave. Norn tapestry and all that. I do not exist without him, and quite possibly, Thor may not exist without me.

The phone rang one note longer than I felt it should have, causing quite a bit of anxiety. What if she didn’t take my call? I hadn’t planned for her to ignore my call?! Thankfully, however, Lady Jane answered… though I sensed some hesitation in her voice. “This is Jane Foster. May I ask who’s calling?”

“This is your friendly neighborhood trickster god looking to cash in a favor of which you are indebted.”

—  “Damn, I really shouldn’t have done that.”

“Yes, well, buyer’s remorse it a real thing. Questionable favor’s regret is less common, but equally real.”

— “What do you want, Loki?”

“You say my name with such disdain.” I groaned. “Try again.”

— “Fine. What is it that you’d like, Loki?”

“Better. Now I want you to come to New York and talk to Thor.”

— “Huh? But why can’t I just call him?”

“You know how he is with phones? Besides. I need you to meet with him in person, preferably outside Stark Tower. He has to know it’s you.”

— “Wait, what? What did you do?”

“Hush. I need you to tell him exactly what happened that day. April 1st.”

She took a moment to mumble dates and times to herself. “Hold up, what did you do?”

“What I did matters not. I just need you to be completely honest with Thor about our agreement.”

— “I’ll do it, but first… I need you to tell me  _ why _ .”

“This isn’t negotiable.”

— “If you don’t, I’ll lie to him.”

Well played, Jane Foster. Well played. “Fine. I took your form to break things off with him and used that to prank him with the worst joke only found funny by myself and Tony Stark.” I did my best to summarize the rest, though Lady Jane stopped me continuously to clarify. “So there. Will you tell him the truth now?”

—“That’s quite a lot to take in.” 

“Yes, he is.” Why did I say that? Was I antagonizing my only lifeline? “Okay, that was rude.”

— “Why trust me? I could tell him that I never wanted to break up and take him back for myself.” 

I bit my lip and let out a sigh. “You could betray me and incur my wrath in the future. But that sounds more like something I would do. Even just for fun. Jane, you aren’t the type. You have morals and valor. There were many reasons Thor fell for you, those being a couple.”

— “And why did he… fall for you?” 

Her voice sounded a bit put off, if not suspicious, disturbed, and confused.

“I know not. At times I wonder whether I had enchanted him somehow, but seidr cannot alter emotions. I could not have brought forth what was not already there. Even so, I have no idea why Thor feels — felt — anything for me. Mayhaps I am the moon to his sun and with that, he is stuck with me in orbit. Sharing this world together whether we like it or not.”

— “Wow, you really do love him. Kinda gross.”

“Yes, I get it. We’re brothers and—”

— “I was more referring to how hopelessly romantic you’re being. Like the way you’re talking about him is super  _ Romeo and Juliet _ . You’re the moon to his sun? Who says that?”

“So you’ll tell him?”

— “Yeah, I’ll tell him. But know this: if he wants to hook up, I won’t say no. His body is—”

“Go ahead, Jane. If Thor wants to rut about with you, by all means. I understand just how irresistible he can be. Especially that thing with the… let’s call it static.”

— “Static? What static?”

“Thank you ever so much, Jane.”

— “Wait, what are you talking about? Does he shock you… like down there?”

“Goodbye, Jane.”

 

~~~

 

Thankfully, Jane had a scheduled trip to New York the following week. Her convenient schedule, the very same that annoyed me so much over the year prior, brought me that much closer to healing Thor’s heart. I just needed him to know everything had been real. 

A week should not have been long to wait, but my heart (yes, I have a heart… forget the tundra) pined for Thor. I wept in my bed and refused to go to work. What would they do? I was a god on house arrest. As long as I didn’t make attempts on anyone’s lives or plot world domination, the agreements would be upheld. I could cry into my pillows for years if I saw fit, but Verity didn’t seem to like that I had abandoned her at work without notice. It seemed she truly was my friend. Of course, that made me cry even more. 

“Loki,” she said, chastising me from the end of my bed. “Talk to me.”

“Thor found out about what I did.” 

It didn’t take long before Verity put the pieces together. She clicked her tongue and made noises that all amounted to ‘poor thing.’ Normally, I would have resented such sympathy, but I gladly took it then. My heart had burst with guilt. I did not deserve Thor and this was how I repaid this blessing? 

“I’m so sorry,” said she. 

“You should be sorry for him. Think of the pain he must be enduring now.” I crawled up from the hole I’d burrowed into between the pillows. “He believes this all to have been a ruse. Sure, it may have begun as such, but my foolish self has loved him for centuries.”

“ _Loved_ _him_ -loved him?” She poked me in the side.

I rolled my eyes. “You know well enough.”

“Yeah, I can tell you’re being honest.” Verity climbed into bed beside me and squeezed my shoulder. “I feel like this is my fault. Thor wouldn’t have—”

“Don’t. I’ve done this.”

She nodded. “Well, I’m still sorry.”

“I can accept your apology, though it doesn’t matter.” I wanted to tell her that nothing mattered anymore. That Thor’s love was out of my reach and it had been better desiring him in secret while keeping hold of his love. Though I told myself this with little confidence. Would I choose never to experience the pure ecstasy of Thor, the depths of his passion and loyalty, just to keep myself from pain? I have never been one to covet my own safety. I self-preserve, but I throw myself into mad risks often. This is my way. 

_ Is this what you have done with Thor? Risked your entire relationship to experience him as a lover? How selfish. He must not mean— _

He means the world. 

I shook my head and burrowed back into the pillows beside Verity as she suggested ways her enchantment may help. In my heart, I knew she could not aid me. The damage done was not so simple as I had been doing damage to Thor’s trust in me since childhood. All Thor could trust was my mischief. He knew me honest only to serve myself. Only to serve my jests and plans of chaos. I wondered oft whether he hated me in youth. Our connection had weakened as he’d taken up with the warriors and I to the feminine ways of seidr. He didn’t know how to react to me, nor I to him. His friends thought I was a joke and Thor didn’t seem to understand loyalty to ones’ own flesh and blood (at the time). I did not make this easier as I challenged his love for me time and again. Tested him with every trick. With each slip up, I decided that Thor cared ever-less. So I tested him further. I grew bitter and used cruel methods until there was no conceivable way for Thor to take my side. Cutting Lady Sif’s hair (all of it) and enchanting it to grow back brunette, well, that may have been the final straw… if not for the fiasco at his coronation. 

But I accepted these errs and he forgave me. On the Statesman, we had forgiven the world of pain placed upon each others’ shoulders. What did it matter though? I’d messed up all over again. It merely proved that I was destined to ruin things in the future. We were doomed. Even if Thor took me back, it was only a matter of time before I destroyed us. 

“She’ll be here next Friday,” I said, rubbing my eyes. 

“Well, let’s hope all goes well.”

“Of course.” I chuckled. Optimism leaves me awfully cynical. “We’ll see.”

 

* * *

 


	20. A Week of Want and Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's Mind is a cruel place...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shortest of Short Chapters <3

* * *

 

 

_ Oh, Loki. Look at you there. Here again… just lying in bed, refusing to rise for food or drink. Do you believe this absolves you of your crimes? I’m sure you don’t. There is no punishment you would deem great enough to forgive the pain you have caused Thor. This is merely the least you can do. Starvation unable to defeat your nearly invulnerable body. How long would it take before you expired from such deprivation? Could one god die from inanition? I’m sure you could find a way. Death has a way of finding you, illusion or not.  _

_ Are you ignoring me? Just because you’ve turned away from the mirror doesn’t mean you cannot hear me. The mirror is vision. Vision is simple. It’s the dullest of all senses. It requires little extra perception. Seidr is so much more. So much deeper. Like touch or smell… it is nuance and texture.  _

_ I am like that. I am within you. A voice, a shadow, a whisper of something greater than yourself, though I am you all the same. I’ve always been here and I will be here long after you die from this heartbreak. I’m an ageless, timeless Loki. You’re just the Loki of right now. This lifetime. And within it, you’ve wasted all your potential falling madly in love with your “brother.” _

_ He won’t forgive you. That’s clear, right? I just want to make sure we’re on the same page for once. Thor will never love you as you love him again… if indeed he ever did.  _

That was all I could take, rousing to challenge the voice that had not quieted. “He did love me. Even if he never will again.”

_ How precious. Loki believes such fairytales. I will give you one better. You are much more powerful than you realize. Have you not considered the possibility that you actually did alter Thor’s emotions? In all your meddling, isn’t there a chance that you—   _

“No, there is no chance! I don’t have that kind of power. He loved me.”

_ We shall see, Loki. We shall see. _

 

* * *

 


	21. Friday the 13th — Loki versus Jane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor meets with Jane. What fate waits upon the horizon...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you ALL for your support and kudos and comments and such. I am filled to the brim with appreciation and <3.

* * *

 

 

Need every eventful day be a Friday? 

I could not stand the nervousness that surged through my body. It was so strong that even the fractured voice that haunted me could not get a word in. My seidr may as well have been on fire. (God of Fire does sound more impressive than God of Tears. Perhaps we could be equally as indirect as Thor’s title and call me the God of Embers). I was beyond composure and with no need to obscure my feelings, I threw myself upon the mercy of the Avengers to manage my dramatics. 

My zealous energy took me to Doctor Banner’s laboratory. I brought him coffee and sprawled upon a stool, waiting for attention. 

“Oh, Bruce, I cannot.” 

“Um, you can’t what?”

“Have you not noticed that I have only recently left my chambers?” I tapped the coffee mug I had brought him, changing the color from white to green. “Do I mean so little?”

“Sorry, I just… I don’t spend much time on your floor.” He grumbled and took a seat before the mug, finally realizing that I desperately wanted someone to ask me what was wrong. Bor’s Breadrolls, why was everything so hard? “Thanks for the coffee.”

“It’s decaf.”

“Oh?” He frowned briefly. “Why? Is this a prank?” 

“Wouldn’t want you agitated.” I smirked. “Teehee… Loki’d…”

“If I was that sensitive, we’d all be dead.”

“I can caffeinate it for you… with a touch.” I placed my hand over the mug and tangled the strands of reality that made up the cup of coffee. It sounds complex, but it was a minor work. 

Bruce stared at the coffee, though it looked the same. I assume he believed it poisonous. That would have been foolish. He  _ saw _ me alter the liquid. Amateur. 

“So how are things?” He gulped, taking the mug into his hands… probably to be polite. “How have you been? Um, yeah.”

“You know I haven’t been well, but I’m guessing you don’t want to have a direct conversation about Thor and I. I’ll tell you that he is to have lunch with Jane and that will determine whether you’ll need speak of my relationship with Thor ever again.”

Bruce winced. “Yeah, I heard about that. Nat told me.”

“Did she now?”

“I, uh, good luck.” 

“Is that all?”

“Sorry, I’m really not good at this stuff.” Bruce tempted the waters, sipping the coffee I had both brought for him and altered before him. It was quite nice to be trusted. Bruce truly had no reason to believe that I would not try to kill him for fun, but he took a sip anyway. What a sweet angel. “This coffee is kind of amazing.”

“You’re welcome. It’s poison.” I don’t know why I would go and say something like that. “Sorry, I’m kidding. Bad habit.”

“If it really was poison, the Big Guy would just spit it out.” He sighed curiously, thumbing the handle of the mug. “Me and Cap were kinda talking about you guys. He’s awkward and I’m awkward. Everyone else is way better with romancing and stuff.”

“Yes, I do believe saying words like ‘romancing’ is a prime example of your awkwardness.”

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that whatever happened or happens between you two, we don’t want to get in the way.”

“Oh, you won’t fight me for Thor’s hand?”

“What?” Bruce nearly spit coffee across myself and the lab equipment. “No-no, that’s not what I meant. We don’t wanna… we’re trying to be cool about it.”

I nodded. “I know. Again, I have a habit of giving people a hard time. You will forgive me?”

“Sure, but… just…” Bruce seemed to lose his train of thought, settling back down and crossing his arms over his chest. “I hope everything works out, whatever that means.”

“It will work out if Thor is no longer in pain. Loving me is secondary.” I stood and made my way toward the door. I’d garnered enough attention and good will. “Thank you for your kind words. I’ll bother someone else.”

“You aren’t really bothering me.” He gave a hopeful grin.

“I’m just so nervous. He is probably at lunch right now. Jane could say anything. She could double-cross me and take Thor back. She could let him down gently, but still lie and blame me. Or mayhaps the truth does little to sway Thor’s heart.” I bit my lip and dropped my head, willing the tears to hold their place just a bit longer. “I miss him dearly.”

Bruce supplied an empathetic pout. It was as soothing as any word or hug. He understood the pain of losing someone he’d only meant to protect. He understood just what it meant to push too hard, to run too far… eventually turning back to find that it is too late. 

We nodded without words and I left Bruce to his science. The hall seemed to go on much longer than I remembered. The ride up to my floor was much faster. Once in the lounge, I couldn’t quite remember walking to the sofa and taking a seat, but sure enough, I was sitting down. If I didn’t know better, I’d suspect the Tesseract, but it wasn’t there. Of course not. My mind was slipping. Fracturing further. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to focus, but all I could see was Thor. 

Tears came soon after, but they were silent. I had sobbed enough over the past week or so. Eleven days without Thor. I never wanted to be without him for so long. Sure, I had endured far longer, but not like this. Not after having him so lovingly within my grasp.

As time refused to move forward, I could not help but text Jane. 

**Loki: How is it going?**

**Loki: Are you at lunch yet?**

**Loki: Might I remind you that betraying a god is nasty business. I will find you and restart every finger of your existence.**

**Loki: *destroy every fiber**

**Loki: Damn you, Auto-Correct!**

Of course, she did not reply. Either Jane had crossed me or she was busy with Thor. Or she was BUSY WITH THOR! Or she was dead. Yes, maybe that. I could live with her death as long as she told Thor the truth before dying. I could always write a letter of recommendation to the proper deities. Set her up nicely in the afterlife of Midgardian scientists or the like. 

It was two o’clock. Then three and four and five. Well after lunch would have been served and eaten. Tony returned to the tower with Lady Pepper and they stepped up to the bar to have a drink before noticing my pathetic form on the couch. Lady Pepper whispered something to him. I stared. She smiled at me, then bid her leave. I stared. Tony poured two drinks and sat beside me, forcing the glass into my hand and requesting that I sit up and relax. Apparently, I was scaring the Pepper. 

“He’s not coming back for me,” I spoke into the glass.

“Okay, let’s toast to him definitely coming back for you… eventually.”

“But he’s not.”

“Yeah, he totally will. Cheers!” Tony forced the toast upon me, but I drank up anyway. “So here’s what I propose: you get up and take a shower. Get all pretty like you know he likes.”

“Does he like it though? We don’t know that for sure. What if my snake dance truly magicked him into love?” I cried quite a bit after saying that. 

“Of course he likes it… when you’re clean and your hair isn’t greasy and you— When was the last time you ate?”

“I don’t know. Last week?”

“Okay, so I’ll have something delivered.” Tony scrunched his nose and pursed his lips. “Can gods starve?”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m not hungry.”

“Don’t care. Just worry about getting cleaned up.”

I groaned. “For what purpose?”

“Look, I may not know much about intergalactic incest gods, but I know a thing or two about break ups. When you see your ex, you definitely wanna look your best.” Tony patted my shoulder and lifted his glass. “This right now… you look like, well, you look like shit. Let’s not sugarcoat it.” 

As much as I hate to admit, Tony was right. I looked horrible. I looked like a victim of the Black Order all over again. How very sad. My Tesseract would be disappointed. Hel, so would Mjolnir Junior. If Thor returned to this pathetic excuse for a Loki, would he turn around and run back to the Not-Bifrost? Would he feel manipulated to pity me? No, this was no way to present myself when Thor returned. I would bathe and brush and oil and dress and look as delectable as I ever had. If Thor decided he no longer wanted to pursue me beyond fraternal bonds, that would be fine, but he’d have to decide that with my perfection on display. 

“You are absolutely right. Thank you, Tony.” My gaze narrowed. “I will need perfumed oil.”

“Cologne?”

“If that is what you call it.”

“What do you want to smell like?”

“Fuckable.”

“I’ll have it sent to your room.”

 

~~~

 

A solid hour of pampering to the soundtrack of  _ Queen  _ does a heartbroken god rather splendid. I will not say that I was confident or that the ache within my heart had faded, but I definitely did not feel like scum or sludge anymore. No, this Loki was not a waste of space. He wished to reclaim lost love if available, but in the least, he wished to undo the damage he had caused. 

_ Oh, how very valiant. _

“You’re just mad that no one loves you.”

The voice didn’t respond to that. Ha! So there. 

It was nearly seven o’clock as I tried on clothes. Months before, I had gone through my wardrobe in search of an ensemble that might seduce Thor. A smirk came to my lips. What had I been thinking? Had I truly convinced myself this prank had been innocent? 

Before the mirror, I held up a knit top with long sleeves and an asymmetrical hem. The sleeves ended at points. It was rather witchy. It was also rather tight. Yes, I would wear this paired with tight black jeans… I always wear black. He must like me in black. 

_ Does he even still like you? _

“I can only hope.” 

Tony had a light meal of risotto delivered along with cologne. It smelled divine, pun intended. Soft and woodsy, mysterious. Yes, this would be my scent. I nibbled at the food as I finished getting ready, smoothing my hair over one ear until it finally laid still and proper. 

But while these distractions soothed my mind, they did not fix anything, really. The time passed and I wasn’t crying. These were positive results and perhaps that was all Tony could offer. I was thankful nonetheless. But after my primming and prepping, I looked in the mirror and saw myself looking rather good, though a bit sullen. I could have laughed aloud. None of it mattered. Thor was one to make up his mind and move surely down the determined path. When he was certain, that’s all there was. The future of our relationship will have already been decided before Thor would set his eye upon me. This was not a look to sway. It was to be a greeting or a goodbye. 

I pressed my shaking hands to my chest, pinching and twisting at the skin of my palm. If I thought hard enough, I could feel Thor’s heartbeat against mine. His hand against the nape of my neck. The pulse and thrum of electricity as his seidr tangled against mine. The heat of a kiss, wanton and desperate. Each moment novel and scarce as though the cosmos may well rip us apart. 

“Aye,” I spoke to no one. “It did.” But in that aching heart, hope began to swell. Not much, for I’m not one for satisfaction or silly dreams, but just enough to imagine the feeling of being in Thor’s arms, coaxing a smile from him one last time… if only once more. 

 

~~~

 

**Jane: Way to blow up my phone. Just finished dinner.**

**Jane: I told him.**

**Jane: Good luck.**

 

~~~

 

The hope had come from Thor himself. Our connection remained intact despite the trauma to our relationship. I could sense his return now that I had calmed. The static and spark in the air rolled through my body. I bit my lip, unable to rid my mind of dirty thoughts regardless of seriousness. 

I wasn’t sure where to put myself. Should I wait in my quarters for his arrival or the lounge? Should I ignore all alert and go about my day? I decided on the latter, taking my used dishes to the kitchen. My steps were slow and I lingered in the kitchen for a moment before deciding to wash the dish myself. The crack of the Not-Bifrost startled me, nearly sending the plate to the floor. That would have been annoying and I wasn’t allowed enough seidr to mend broken porcelain.

It was next to eight o’clock when Thor approached. I’d listened to him stalk about in the lounge searching for me. Or perhaps anyone. Being that I only had the one dish and utensil, I rinsed them patiently until Thor found me in the kitchen. 

“Ah, um, Loki.” His voice was rough and ragged. I preferred that tone on him when we were in compromising positions. 

“A moment.” I could hardly get the words out crisply and monotone. Too much of myself wanted to fall to my knees and beg forgiveness, but that is definitely not on brand. I set the dish on the rack and dried my hands on the towel beside the sink, taking all the time I could muster before facing Thor. I didn’t know what I would do once I had set my sights upon him. I loved him too dearly and knew that I could not be trusted. 

“Loki,” he repeated as I turned to look up. There was no avoiding it further. There he was. Similarly perfect as he’d always been. His hair was even tousled nicely. Oh, the jeans and the shirt and sweater… he suited anything it seemed. But the eyepatch was gone, replaced by pink scars and an eye. 

“Your eye,” I said as if in a trance. 

“Yes, Stark finished it. Installed it the other day.”

“You came here?”

“No, he traveled to New Asgard.”

We kept our distance and nodded. Hela’s Horns, this was painfully awkward. 

“May we talk?” he asked. 

“Are we not talking now?” I just cannot help being a prickly bitch, can I?

“Loki, please.” Thor’s voice dropped lower and his expression clouded. It seemed he may well have had it with my games and my attitude and everything that made me impossible and… well, did that not answer the question at hand? I could have laughed if I weren’t on the verge of tears, following Thor to my chambers for what felt like the final time. 

I had cleaned up a bit before leaving with my dish, but the room was stuffy since I had holed up there for over a week without movement or worry of hygiene. With a wave of my hand, the air spun and filtered through the vents. The door shut with a snap behind me. 

Thor took a seat at the vanity and gestured that I sit across from him on the bed. Distance is not a good sign between exes in the hopes of getting back together. “I spoke with Jane today, though you already knew that.”

“Yes, I asked her to speak with you.”

“What was your aim?”

“Only so that you would know the truth.” I kept my eyes in view, fearful of last time as he demanded I not cry or look away. “I will not patronize you with apologies now, but do know that my intent here is not mischief.”

“For once.”

“Yes. For once.” 

Thor took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck. I longed for such a touch upon my own. “Are these feelings…,” he began, then shook his head, “were those feelings true?”

“Yours or mine?”

“Both, but start with yours.”

“I have had these feelings in partials and mixtures, a confusion of impulse that has lived beneath my skin since we were far younger than we are now. If I can pinpoint a time, it would be our first camping trip alone on Vanaheim. You told stories and I animated them in the fire. I felt completion there with you and wanted for nothing more. Soon after there was the kiss we shared in the library and my desire for it… a mere solidification of want that had burrowed its way within. I buried it further and further still. And all these centuries later, I had myself fooled that those passions had been trifling follies of youth. Whatever bewitched me to think this prank had been just a bit of fun… well, it is gone. There is nothing more true than this devotion no matter your love or hatred of me thereafter. Understand that had I the power to unbreak your heart, I would sacrifice my own to do it.” 

Somehow I had made it through that impromptu speech without crying, though tears did form along my lids. There is a reason I forewent the eyeliner. But Thor… his eyes had given way to tears. Not a weepy, messy torrent as mine tended toward. Just a soft stream down his cheeks, settling into his beard. But the rings around his eyes shown bright red and I noticed that he did not look well rested. Had Thor missed me? Was he worried that I did not love him as I claimed? Oh, my heart did quake at the thought!

“That is… Thank you.” He wiped his eyes. “Now, my feelings. Were they true?”

“I can only tell you that I do not have the power to direct emotion. I can play with your strings — tangle them, knot them, attach them to others — but I cannot create what is not there. Did I manipulate you? One could say so. And for that… for dragging you into the possibility of my debauchery, I apologize. It was a horrid joke.”

Thor smirked. “You said you wouldn’t patronize me with apologies.”

“Ah, you are right.” I tried to smile, but could not. 

“If I fell for you, then the string was already there. Is that what you mean?”

I nodded. 

“So my feelings were true?” he asked again. 

“I cannot tell you what you feel or felt. I know that you told me you loved me and wanted me and… it felt true. And I want it to be true, but I can’t read your mind.” Then a smile burst onto my face despite my teary eyes. “I’m not a witch.” I was laughing. Why was I laughing? Sobbing now too, but laughing? Oh my, I must have looked simply mad. But the infection of laughter caught Thor as well. He didn’t burst into booming cackles, but he chuckled a bit and stood up from the chair. Was he going to sit beside me? Oh, gods! That shut me up. I couldn’t breathe. 

“Before I say anything else, I have one question.”

“Anything,” I said hastily, jolting to my feet. Standing eye to eye. 

“Is there anything else you want to tell me? Any lie, any falsehood lurking in our past?”

I sniffled and wiped my face. “I wish that I could tell you No with certainty, but I have lied so very much, that there could always be a forgotten thorn. As far as I know though, nothing. I have nothing else hidden away.”

Thor took my hands in his. “I believe you, Loki. And I’m sorry for running out on you like that. I wouldn’t listen and that wasn’t fair.”

“It’s alright.”

“It isn’t though. At some point, we have to stop this dynamic of you proving yourself to me. Especially if we’re going to be together.” His lips curled into a smile, so very near that beaming sun smile that blinds me so. 

“Are you trying to get back together with me?” I couldn’t rightly believe what was happening.

“If you would have me.”

“Are you sure? I’m rather terrible.”

“So you don’t want to get back together?”

“Thor, would you just kiss me?” 

He did not hesitate, throwing his arms around me with that wanton desperation I craved. His lips were famished after a fast. Dry until he licked them. Tongue carnivorous. Groaning in the back of his throat, echoing the carnal urges that rumbled deep within. Oh, our bodies knew each other even if we’d seemed to forget.

Thor pulled away with a final, humid breath. “I missed you.”

“Me or my mouth?”

“All of you.” He ran his hands down my sides. “You look nice. Did you dress for me?”

“Of course not. I wish to look beautiful always.” I rolled my eyes. “But I did get some perfumed oil from Tony. Truth be told, I hoped to seduce you once more.”

“Oh?” Thor pressed his nose against my jaw and inhaled deeply as a beast hunting for food. “This reminds me of amber and forest and lilies. Perhaps our hunting trips to Vanaheim.”

“Am I not wild as an enchanted forest?”

“That you are.” He stepped forward, crowding me until I fell back on the bed. “I would kindly offer myself up to you as a token of apology.”

“You want me to take you?”

“I do offer, but in this moment, I yearn to take you.” Thor crawled atop me, running one hand up and down the knit fabric of my shirt. Shivers ran through me as current spiraled across my skin. Thor spoke again: “Having lost you these days has left me aching. I thought you to be evil, twisted, and crazy as to bed me for a joke.”

“No, never. Please, brother. There is nothing funny about this. Only urgency.” I took a handful of hardened muscle (of both the innocent and forbidden variety). “Please have me… have me in your way.”

Thor grinned, shamelessly and just a bit mischievous, pushing himself between my legs. “You want me to do what?” 

“You know. That thing when it is very intimate and passionate. Sweet even.”

“What’s it called again? I don’t remember.”

“Don’t make me say it flatly. That is absurd and disgusting.”

“If it’s so bad, then you must not want it.”

“Please, will you just do it like that without permission.”

“I want to hear you say it… and then I will forgive you for all this.” 

With steady breath and a bit of annoyance, I wrapped my arms around Thor’s shoulders and pressed my forehead against his. We remained this way for a pregnant moment. If I could only push through the veil a bit further, I could reach Thor’s memories with my seidr. I would see his perspective upon my first kiss. View his experience of our time on the Statesman. Oh, so many things I desire to know, but there are other ways to learn of another than digging through their mind with magic. 

“Thor,” I mumbled softly. “Would you make love to me on this night? Take me back and forgive me, your dastardly brother, for another set of crimes against you.” I placed a peck upon his nose, then nipped at his lip. A growl leaked from him; the sound rumbled through my body. 

“I would. I love you, Loki.”

“Yes, yes.” I could not get the words out, but there was no need, as Thor pulled me into a kiss, submerging us in a different sort of mood — a wash of devotion and desperation. I would speak of love much later, but now was not the time. Eleven cruel days had past betwist us far heavier and strained than the years we’d gone isolated. 

Though I could have snapped my fingers to leave us nude, allowing Thor to tear the clothing from me far more suited my taste. His hands were dry but smooth along my skin. Skin so parched from his touch, though I must say I was quite a bit dehydrated as well. 

“Would I… could give you all of me,” I spoke in breathless tone as Thor tore my jeans away with a final tug and pulled his shirt off with one hand and one impressive movement. He shook his head and dove in again, sliding ever so close with the control of calculated strength. 

“What do you hide?” He whispered with words that tickled along the nape of my neck. 

“I don’t hide. But I have many forms and I would give you each one had I the power.”

“Stop trying to prove yourself.”

“I can’t help it.” I grinned a bit, pushing Thor back to look into his eyes. “I’m your father’s adopted son.”

Thor did not speak; he merely looked upon me with amusement and compassion. Would he ever grow tired of my retorts? I prayed that he would not, taking hold of his shoulders and squeezing with far more desperation than I could ever remember displaying. On my back, I lifted my legs to assume the proper position, running my heels along Thor’s spine. He groaned into a smile and kissed me lightly. This was that sweet “love making” business he was so very fond of. Though this was exactly what I wanted from him. Thor in his own perfect way. Thor with his sky blue eye… eyes. Stark’s addition suited him well, though I would take Thor with any number of eyes or none at all. 

I kissed the scars that traced Hela’s handwork from a cataclysm that felt centuries old. My hands slipped from Thor’s shoulders to his cheeks as I kissed the whole of his face. Thor’s arms found their way to cradle me, humming and snickering at the feather light kisses I left him. 

“Now who’s being sweet?” he said. 

“Don’t tease me or I’ll stop.”

“Aye.” He caught my lips before I could utter anything cruel and held me there, stuck fast with passion. The desperation left him. All that remained was the urge to love me. To calm my heart and assure me that this was real. He needed to know and needed to let me know that whatever madness we had gotten ourselves into, well, we were in it together. Completely. Until the next Ragnarok, though he’d probably drag me along with him. 

 

~~~

 

I forgot to breathe as Thor bucked into me. His soothing rhythm sped up as our hands tangled together. How very disgustingly romantic. Holding hands, fingers enlaced, as our bodies thrashed against each other, desiring nothing more than to be one. Oh, how very silly and perfect and wonderful it was. 

Thor’s muscles tightened as he fatigued, having been at it for over an hour. Having spilled more than once, but unable to stop because stopping meant a sullen return to the mundanity of life on Midgard. I didn’t want to think about Thor leaving to go play King of Asgard. I didn’t want to wonder when he’d once again return. No, I needed him inside me, encapsulated within my frame. Fucking not only with devotion, but near obsession. 

I cried out as he tore through me, strands of seidr set ablaze, shooting up my spine and sending tremors through to my toes. “Thor, I… do you feel it?” I pressed my palm to the center of his chest, dewy with sweat and spend. The ball of light I had meditated over seemed to be emanating from him. Well, if he was the sun, he was a star — my star — and I wanted him to burn me into oblivion. 

“I feel—I feel you.” Thor panted, grappling my thigh and tugging me up a bit. “Better?”

“There is no better. Everything is per-perfect.” My head rolled back as the new angle threatened my life. I would die this day engrossed in Thor’s fertile divinity. Static buzzed all around, tingling from my skin. His masterful cock hit a chord of sensation with each breech, playing notes all along me, twisting my mind until it ran empty. All that remained was Thor. His groans and moans. His mouth agape as he expressed the ecstasy wrung from my body into his. 

With my hand still upon his chest, I focused in on the ball of energy I sensed. (Might I add it is nearly impossible to focus with Thor’s cock and his body and that gravel-like voice. Frey’s Fig Tree, it is not!) The strands of seidr glowed platinum and coiled in a tight ball like yarn. I reached with my mind’s eye and stroked the fabric there, causing Thor to moan terribly loud. 

“Can you feel it?” I smirked. 

“Clearly. What is that?”

“There’s something special inside you.” I pushed myself closer, down onto his cock that had been distracted by my seidr-play. “It’s a knot of great power.”

“Touch it again.” 

I obeyed with a smile, lip bitten and curious. With another strum along this platinum knot, Thor’s voice lifted to a squeal and a jolt zipped through me right at the end. Oh, this was a dangerous gift we’d been given. 

Again and again, I rubbed the knot, pressing harder and harder against Thor’s chest. But no matter how hard I was to press, Thor kept me close. So very close that the back of my hand stuck to my chest. His speed cooled, but the intensity of this new sensation tore at our sanity. The desperate kisses returned as Thor did his best to quiet down. The squeals seemed to embarrass him quite a bit. I focused on each aftershock barreling through me, again forgetting to breathe. Each ring I passed through brought me impossibly close to a climax I could not fathom. The explosive feeling of apocalypse haunted me. My body could not withstand all this pleasure. Would we die here? Oh, yes, I was sure of it, though I could not keep myself from chasing every last drop of sensation from our bodies entwined. 

Thor pulled away from our tireless kiss to say: “You are the world to me.”

“Thor—”

“You are.”

“Never stop… chasing me.”

Our faces met again, though our lips did not connect. Just open mouths hovering over each other, taking in ragged breath. The pulsing impossible thrumming seidr flowed over us. In my mind’s eye, we were lit in glorious rainbow as though we might transport to some far flung reality. My nails dug into Thor’s skin, clinging to what little life was left. It was happening. The seidr strands coiled and tugged; the breaking point upon the precipice. 

“Open your eyes,” Thor demanded. I followed orders in a hurry, staring into his eyes as the world fell away and sense no longer mattered if it existed anymore. What was this magic we had stumbled upon? My breath hitched into my throat, feeling strangled from within as the time and space we inhabited no longer fit reality. Yes, I was going to come, but so much more than that. I knew Thor was going to come, but would we ignite and burst into stardust, spread out across the universe? 

“I-I-I—” My voice betrayed me, until the friction and moaning and grunting and tears and sweat and slick and heat and light and life sprung forth into a shower of euphoria so great there are no words in human languages to express it. We returned to the singularity and shot back through time to this present. Our bodies swelled with energy until we burst into infinity. In his eyes, I saw the perfect sky. I saw lightning and storm. When my voice returned, washed up upon the rocks of Creation, I uttered the only words available to me: “I am yours.”

Thor smiled simply. His skin, hot and red, burned against mine as we gradually returned to physical being. He did not speak, but he held onto me as he struggled to find life again. Breath and sanity were just out of grasp as we clung there. But he did not leave my gaze and that may have been more intimate than love making. Eyes within eyes watching each other filled and sated and pleased. 

(At least I was filled. To the brim!) 

Reality returned in pieces. Where it had felt as though we’d been floating in space, the haze trimmed away… there we were, just on my bed. The impossible angle we’d found ourselves had become rather painful and awkward. Thor smiled as he released me, rubbing my thighs as he did so. I mourned the loss of his cock, though it wasn’t as though he could stay there forever. 

“Are you alright?” he asked. 

“Of course. You’re cock is not devastating or anything.” I turned, hiding a grin from his view, though he definitely caught it, dropping back down to tickle me with his beard. “Stop, you oaf!”

In the afterglow, Thor sought to me, bringing water to hydrate and wiping me clean with a cool towel from the bathroom. I returned the latter favor, though a bit lazily, earning me the moniker: Prickly Kitty. I don’t want to admit to liking it, so I will say that I hate it. 

Thor turned to me, head propped on his arm. Was this to be proper pillow talk after exploding through the universe?

“What  _ was  _ all that?” he asked. “Did you do something to my mind?”

“I wish I could take full credit.” I turned my face to him, but remained on my back, stretching my aching legs. “Though maybe I can.”

“What now?”

“I’ve been meditating and reading up on witchery and such. Maybe with my limited power, I’ve tapped into some other strength. I could sense something in you that does not show normally and I was able to access it. And when I did, that power shot through you and me.”

“It was spectacular. Your ego will like this, but I’ve never had better and nothing will ever feel like—” 

“Yes, yes. Well, I know I am an expert lover.” I jabbed him in the chest with my finger. “Though I would like to think you’d already been blessed with the best lover in all the Nine Realms  _ before  _ I discovered this little secret.”

“Ah, of course.” He laughed dismissively and shook his head that way he does when he’s trying to get out of something. “I hardly even liked sex before you. What’s sex? Just smashing bodies around?” He snorted and feigned disgust.

“Quit while you’re ahead.”

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***If you'd like to see the top Loki chose to wear for Thor, tis this: https://us.killstar.com/products/mercury-rising-top-b
> 
> Not guaranteed to seduce your own Thor. So far it has been unsuccessful irl.


	22. August’s Start — Serpents, Sigils, and Sparkles… Oh My

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A movie night, a gift, and memories of the Grandmaster...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit all over the place narrative-wise. Do forgive. The mind is a fractured wonderland... <3

* * *

 

 

As soon as Thor was officially mine again (and the orgasmic haze wore off), I began to design and commission a gift for him that would prove my fealty. Now I know Thor told me not to prove myself any longer, but I could not help it. The act was truly ingrained in me. I knew only to act out for attention and to make grand gestures in order to prove myself. Whether it be my loyalty, strength, or worthiness, Odin trained me to fight tirelessly for such respect. To call it second nature would be an understatement. This was my nature, pathetic as it was, never to feel deserving of anything. 

My birthright had been abandonment… the result of an affair between Laufey and an unnamed Vanir woman. I learned this tidbit from that old coven of witches on the outskirts of Vanaheim. The woman was hunted down, they say, and the cursed child to be rid of. Others say she was lost to obscurity. To this day, I can’t watch _Sweeney Todd_ without tearing up at the haggard and wailing lost love. 

Whatever the fate of my mother, I doubted love had anything to do with the _affair_ between Laufey and her. Though I shudder to think of it for long, I feel vindicated for having used and murdered him as I had so many years ago. 

The freakish blue child left behind by Laufey and Farbauti, refusing to defile the royal family with such shame… even then in those times I remember not, did a child not wish for love? Did a child not reach for a hand to hold; a finger to grip? Did I cry then, as they turned their backs on the innocent result of Laufey’s cruelty? As I said, I do not oft think of this, but when I do my heart sinks and chills something frigid. 

Then if not for Laufey, no Odinson would I be. And for as much spite as I hold toward Odin, the warmonger did save me from peril. Sure, he thought of himself, but do I not think of myself most of the time? And so what that he favored his true son? I was given more than what most can dream of in their pathetic lives. I was loved by Frigga. So I refuse to cry about Odin’s… well, most everything Odin did. 

 

~~~

 

“This is beautiful. What’s it for?” said Verity, looking over my design. Two snakes entwined, doubled over in S-like formation. 

“It is my sigil, if you didn’t know. Which you should.” I cleared my throat and looked away. “It will be a gift. For Thor.”

“Aw, that’s sweet.”

“Don’t say that or I’ll never give it to him.” 

Verity suggested I take my design to Tony Stark, and though I didn’t want the Avengers knowing that I have a sentimental side, I relented. If I was without my seidr to work metal, I’d need the Man of Iron to help me craft my lovely work. 

I met Tony after work in private at request. He is ever popular. Getting him alone can be quite the stroke of luck. I took a seat in his office, still dressed in a suit from work and with bribery in tow.

“Thank you for meeting with me.” I poured some mead Thor had brought back for me from New Asgard. “I know you are rather busy.”

“This isn’t like… I mean, you aren’t coming onto me, are you?”

“Are you serious?” 

“Well, you wanted to meet in private and you brought wine and—”

“This is mead and I’m trying to be nice. Tony, you… you and I just… maybe in another reality, but I’m otherwise preoccupied.”

Tony exhaled and laughed. Rude. “Okay, good. I really don’t think my life insurance policy covers jealous gods of thunder. So what do you want?” He took a sip of mead. “Oooh, that’s sweet.”

“And it will sneak up on you.” I cleared my throat. “I want to commission a gift for Thor. It’s a pendant.” I slipped the sheet of paper with my design toward Tony who nodded with regard. “I want it in titanium since uru would just be far too difficult, nay impossible, to acquire at this point. And hung from a leather woven cord. And also… I need you to turn off the dampers completely so that I may enchant it.”

Tony’s eyes grew wide and he rolled back in his chair. “You wanna run that last bit by me again?”

“I know, but please, if this had been a trick all along… how insane is that? To openly court my own brother, break his heart, then get back together in hopes that you would allow me full power?”

“I mean… you are Loki.”

“Yes, but do you think I’m faking it? When you see us flirt or touch?”

“When I hear you down the hall because you stopped muffling the noises you guys make. I mean, come on. Do you mind?”

I giggled. “Of course, but I only mind my own rules or those Thor wishes of me. He doesn’t particularly care for modesty. Odd thing since he’s so timid at the start.”

Tony threw his hands up. “Okay, fine. I’d rather end up dead then listen to you talk about your sex life.”

“That’s even more dramatic than I. What is truly so wrong? Is it because we’re also men? Because I’d be shapeshifting here and there if you turned these dampers down.”

“No. Wait, what?” He paused and gulped down the mead. “See, the more you ask, the more it really does seem like you plotted this.”

“Fine, then will you at least help me make this pendant? For the enchantment, I’ll ask Verity for help and maybe you’ll only need to lift the dampers a little more.”

Tony sighed, standing and making his way around the desk to lean beside it. “I believe you, Loki. The thing is, I have a lot riding on being right. If I misjudge you, a bunch of stuff goes to shit.”

Of course, I understood Tony’s responsibilities, but it is just this sort of dynamic that reinforces my desire to prove myself. The necessity follows me with or without Odin. And who was there to punish him when he conquered the Nine Realms? Why was Hela thrown away? Why was I tossed into a prison cell? 

_Because you are the scapegoat and ever will be._

The Not-Bifrost cracked just as my thoughts darkened. What can I say, I’m prone to such icky, painful things. But the sound of the Not-Bifrost meant only one thing. I couldn’t hide the beam from my face as I thanked Tony for his time and rushed to greet Thor.

 

~~~

 

“You didn’t know it was movie night?” said Barton with an edge to his voice and a smirk upon his lips. There was spite spilling from him as he spoke to me. It seemed we would hate each other forever. Could we ever get along? “Yeah, Tony and Cap really like forcing everyone together.”

“You like it,” said Tony, clapping Barton on the shoulder. 

Thor chuckled, looking to me with a dumb grin as I stood in deep confusion. Why confusion, you ask? This was to be my Thor time. _My Thor time_. What in all Hel was going on? How dare they interfere with our private time? And how dare Thor allow them to interfere?

_Unless he isn’t even here for you…_

There is no way I have been betrayed.

_Can you be sure?_

I stood there awkwardly, feeling foreign amongst people I knew rather well. It was as if I had stepped out onto a mysterious planet without knowledge of language or social morés. I stood before my brother and lover, unsure whether I could demand his attention, let alone touch him, in front of these people. Sure, they _knew_ , but knowing and seeing are very different experiences. Thor was supposed to visit _me_ and follow me to privacy. I knew just how to behave then. But on display with the threat of disapproval or rejection… no, I could not weigh out the risk to Thor nor my ego. So instead, I fumed silently, playing a role no one had bothered to explain to me. 

As I turned away, a prototype-looking robot swung around with snacks on trays. It spun away and returned with drinks. Captain Rogers, Bruce, and Lady Natasha entered soon after. The Lady asked the Captain whether he’d invited his _friend._ He repeated in kind to her, “Did you invite _yours?_ ” 

Ugh, humans and their drama. The Captain and his friend Bucky, I presumed. Lady Natasha and Verity. Ugh. Where was I? What was happening? Where was my Thor time going? Why was Thor really here?!

There was no other option left but to pout and scoff and storm off to my room. Oh, it was painfully clear why Thor had paid this visit. Such betrayal! I was trapped in this building with these people — his people. Thor had an entire world at his disposal and he came to my _home_ for these stupid Avenge—  

“Loki.” Thor had chased me down and jumped in front of the panel before my door. “I’ve been calling you.”

“On the phone or just now?” I whipped my head around. “I hardly noticed you were even there.” 

“Cease this. Why are you angry?”

“You came here just to watch movies with them.”

“No. I came here to watch movies with you… _and_ them.”

“Move. You are in my way.”

Thor relented, but wouldn’t allow me to sneak inside and shut him out. He slipped in right beside me and wrapped his arms around me before I could get any angrier. Damn his warmth and calming, firm grip. My mind was ever so ragged and tumultuous. I needed his certainty and soothing touch despite Thor being my source of sorrow. 

“Mjolnir Junior is here ,too. She’s in her bed by the watching device.” 

“Oh, do you think us a family now?”

“Aye.” He nodded and kissed my brow. “Will you come watch the movie? I want you by my side.”

“Even with everyone watching and hating that you are with me?”

“I don’t really care.”

I snorted. “Well, I’m sure you don’t. They all love you; what’s the harm?” 

“They will learn your charms and love you just the same.”

“We shall see about that.”

After changing into something more comfortable (a soft tunic and leggings), I followed Thor who took my hand and led me to the theatre. 

Tony had everything, naturally. The home theatre was only a surprise in the way he had not yet boasted of it. The room was filled with plush couches and trays for aliments. Tony and Captain Rogers brought the aliments in, though I wondered where that shitty robot had gone. Why not program it to serve us in the theatre? Well, it isn’t my job to fill the gaps in Tony’s logic. This is my story and I would be hard pressed to waste time on anyone other than myself. (Perhaps Thor. Maybe. Only if he’s good.)

Barton did little in the way of hiding dirty looks. Maybe he’d hate me forever. Fine. These looks did little dissuading Thor from taking me to a seat and throwing an arm around me. Public displays of affection aren’t natural for me. I prefer them in private, and when a partner forces such actions upon me, it can go one of three ways: 

  1. I stab them. 
  2. I am shocked to the very core, but have no option other than to accept. (Grandmaster, I’m looking at you.) 
  3. I willingly accept because this instance doubles as a win for me. 



Clearly allowing Thor to put an arm around me in front of the obnoxious Barton was beauteous vengeance. (And I was a Revenger once.) Taking Thor’s lead, I rested my head on his shoulder. He hummed and brushed a hand through my hair and I could swear Barton was radiating annoyance, disgust, or both. I couldn’t have been happier; that is what I thought at first. 

“We’re watching Rush Hour 1 and 2. Three doesn’t count.” Tony queued the system.

“Why not?” asked an Avenger. I’m not sure which and it doesn’t matter. 

“I don’t like three.”

The lights faded and Thor unwrapped a Pop Tart deftly with one hand, though I assisted in pulling away the stray wrapper. With a smile, he kissed me and offered one pastry. Oh, when Thor shared his food, it was quite the gesture. As children, he refused. He was ever the brat in youth. But now, he would give me anything I asked and I don’t quite understand the joy it brings me. 

All but Captain Rogers, the man from the past, and the two gods seemed to have seen the films before. They recited lines and laughed before punchlines, which would have irritated me to no end if it weren’t for the Golden distraction beside me. I rested my legs across his lap, but only because we were cloaked by darkness. I ran my fingers through his hair and massaged the back of his neck. If only we could have been alone… though there was something to this public display that ignited my heart and burned deeply — I wasn’t a secret. 

I wasn’t a kept man. I wasn’t some hook-up of which to be ashamed. Thor wanted me and felt no remorse for that. He was willing to give up his friendships and honor for love. 

For me. 

_Maybe he’s just an idiot._

That may be, but he is my idiot. 

 

~~~

 

For the sake of clarity and openness, I’ll tell you this one Grandmaster related thing, but only because I want to. And we all know that I do what I want, even if it’s the worst idea for me and I’m against it. I’ll still do it!

Now you see, the Grandmaster wasn’t all bad, though he wasn’t quite good… at all. True enough, I latched onto him as the ruler of his planet, because who wouldn’t in a time of crisis? Self-preservation is key. 

For further clarity, I’ll go back a bit. When I crash landed on that world of trash, I was hunted before I could gather my bearings. The predators were band of aliens from all sorts of places, banded together out of desperation to survive. Well, I could relate to that. I used my seidr to impress the hunters with tricks of intrigue. Lucky for me, one of those “Scrappers” was hunting as well and caught my performance. Then they interfered, taking me to the court as an entertainer. This is where I first met the Grandmaster.

“Oh, ooo, is that Green Glitter? He’s a playful one, isn’t he? Quite pretty. It is a he?”

The Scrapper nodded, but passed a look over at me. 

“If I may,” said I, taking the risk to step forward and flash a winning smile. “You could say I’m somewhere in between. ‘He’ is fine, however. Anything is fine, really.”

“Oh? Somebody’s got opinions.” The Grandmaster turned to his right to appeal to a guard or servant. This ended up being Topaz. She scowled at me, looking up and down. How dare she? Talk about queer genders… 

Anyway, the Grandmaster smiled over folded hands and preened. “I think I like this one. You know, like-uh, you know. What’s that thing I like to say?”

“Throw it to the wolves,” said Topaz with flat affect and a mild smirk. 

“No, why would I say that? This planet doesn’t even have proper wolves. W-well, now I don’t even remember what I was saying. _Thanks_ , Topaz.”

“You’re welcome.”

“No, that’s sarcasm. We’ve talked about this” The Grandmaster sighed. I rolled my eyes for him and he smiled. The smile grew warmth and he licked his lips. “Well, well, you’re definitely going to put on a show for my, uh, court. They’re a rowdy punch of players—”

“Like a harlequinade?” I added, bowing slightly at the waist as I spoke. Oh, he really liked that. 

“Yes-yes! That’s the very same word I use! No one gets it.” His tone dropped to a deep thrawl. “How did you know that?”

“You’re a man of great intellect and refined taste, if not unusual… with all due respect, Grandmaster.” I bowed fully. “I would argue that I am a being of curiosity and opportunity. Intellect and taste are compulsory. Being unusual? That is part of my entire parcel.”

“Yesss, well. Loki, was it? Of where?”

“I’m between homes, always.”

“Topaz, bring me a little closer. I wanna get acquainted with this.”

She rolled her eyes and rolled the Grandmaster toward me, though I merely stood ten feet from him. Once close, he patted his knee, gesturing that I take a seat. That was curious, but I wasn’t willing to ruin whatever rapport I’d gained. Besides, he was rather fetching at first. If I am to be honest, he has that classic “daddy” aesthetic and everyone knows I have daddy issues. 

I hesitated, though willing. “I’m rather dense. Deceptively heavy.”

“I have a sense that you’re deceptively deceptive.”

“You’d be right.”

“Well, I’m deceptively ancient and powerful. Uh, I’m as old as time and will last just as long.” He blinked and smiled. “Time is a friend of mine. And friends of mine, well…” He never finished that thought. “Tell me Loki. What homes are you stuck between?”

“Asgard and Jotunheim. Neither would have me if they had the opportunity.” 

“This is a place for all lost things, Loki.” He gestured wide with his arms, a bemused grin crawling across his lips. “But, um, here… you’re found.”

“Thank you, Grandmaster.”

“You know, you’ve got this thing about you. It’s the speech and the look and the vibe and the hadadada.” He snapped his fingers. “You get me, right? See, I know that speech about space junk is passe, but I mean it every time.” He blinked twice. It would end up being a thing. “Especially now. Loki, my Mage of Mystery, you are loved.”

“I am spoiled by you, Grandmaster.”

“Not quite.” He hummed deep within his throat. “Would you like to be?”

“That all depends. What is my function? What do you require of me? And what, if anything, am I allowed to take advantage of?”

“Oh my Mystery Machine, you do have a way with words. Officially speaking, you, ah, see, your _job_ is entertainment. I need my court impressed. I need them fawning and fashionable. You’ve got that green foushy glitter stuff and they’ll love that. But, uh, what I’d like to see more-ah-more of is you. The rest of you. The—”

“The part that wishes to be loved?” I cocked my head and leaned in a bit, allowing my breath to tickle his cheek. He smelled of old books, somehow, and churned earth. I breathed in deep and let out a quaking sigh. As I pulled back, the Grandmaster grinned and bobbed his head. It was almost cute. Oh, we would have a bit of fun. 

“Yes, well, make me proud and we’ll see what happens.” 

Surprisingly, I did what was asked of me, performing simple feats of magic that would impress the dullards of Grandmaster’s court. They found me rather extraordinary and could not stop talking about me. Quickly, my stories became a feature of my courtly visits. Being the God of Stories, I revelled in recounting my adventures… especially those that painted me in a valiant or sympathetic light. Tragic anti-heros are the most compelling, am I right?

What had felt like ages, seemed to be a few days, because on Sakaar, time doesn’t quite work like you believe that it should. Either way, I had been summoned by the Grandmaster himself, though we hadn’t spent much time together since that initial, suggestive meeting. 

“Hey, Green Glitter.”

“I thought you’d started calling me your Mage of Mystery.” 

“Yeah, well, I do like to uh, tease.” 

“Are you a tease, Grandmaster?” 

“Heh, uh, heh.” It took him a moment to compose himself. He sat in an empty parlor that could have been a luxurious neon bedroom for all I knew, but the Grandmaster was ever-so-grand that even his bedroom deserved bedrooms. I was impressed and I’m royalty! 

“So Loki,” he continued. “You know this is a pleasure planet… among other things.” 

I wrung my hands. “Well aware, Grandmaster.”

“Are you, uh, pleased?”

“I’ve not indulged, if that’s what you’re after.”

“Oh, you wanna know what I’m after?” Grandmaster patted the edge of his golden chaise and smiled. The bright colors faded to a cool blue and the air seemed to thicken. It wasn’t humid, but it was cozy. Though I did not feel hypnotized, I was in a trance. I took the seat before me and turned to a smiling Grandmaster in a daze. “This.”

“This? What is this?” I asked. 

“I’m after you, at the moment.”

“I’m flattered, Grandmaster.”

“You know I’ve seen nearly everything the, uh, universe has to offer. You’re something else.” He leaned forward. “You’re everything else.”

“I can be many things. Maybe not everything, but did you wish for a show?”

“Oh? You surprise me. More Green Glitter?”

“Well, there would be a bit.”

I snapped my fingers for effect, shapeshifting into my maidenform. I used a glamour for my clothes. It would have been a mess otherwise. Sampling the teal, purple, and gold, I fashioned the image of a leather skirt and bodice with capelet. “Is this what you were expecting?”

“Oh, Loki, goodness—”

“Goddess, actually. Or…” I shifted into that of a horse, a snake, a weasel, a cat, and a rat, before returning to my usual Aesir form. “What about that?”

“You are a talented one.”

“Or perhaps you wanted exactly what has been sauntering before your eyes this whole time?”

“Maaaaay—be.”

“But you’re the ruler of this world. You are eternal and everlasting. Why would you ask for what you may effortlessly take?”

“Let me tell you… I’ve been around.” He giggled. “When you have a dog and you wanna fight that dog, it doesn’t matter what you need to do. You get that dog to fight.” His expression was harsh as he said this, gesturing violence in his hands. Blushing with heat and the lust for blood. “But when you want to pet a dog…” he said, cooling and mellowing down, “when-when you say, want its love, you can’t just go grabbing and squeezing and hadadada. You can’t chase it down. It just won’t do.”

I nodded lightly. “Yes, I see, Grandmaster.”

“I’m not done. Why are you interrupting?”

“My apologies.”

“Yes, well… don’t be rude.” He straightened his robes. “You have to make that dog comfortable. You gotta, you know… make it feel at home.” Grandmaster leaned in once again, his lips inches from mine, smelling of curiosity and serendipity. I wished for him to kiss me though I could not trust that these wiles were genuine. I didn’t care, however. If he was manipulating me, then he’d done a wonderful job. 

“Do you wish me to come to you?” I sighed, dropping my forehead to his shoulder. “As a dog might come to its master?”

“No, we don’t need all that, Loki.” His voice dropped to a rumble and reminded me of Thor for the slightest moment. With a haughty groan, Grandmaster lifted my chin and brushed his lips against mine. I don’t know what happened to Time, but we were kissing before I could comprehend who’d initiated. And we were fucking before I quite understood how we’d made it to his actual bedroom. 

In his way, though flamboyant and flippant, the Grandmaster made me feel accepted for the first time in ages, if ever. I was myself. Completely. (Well, mostly.) I was lauded for my seidr skills and sought after by the leader of the realm. He wooed me with fine fabrics, hand-tailored by prisoners with jobs. He ordered my choice drink be supplied at all events so I needn’t waste time ordering. In short time, I was a member of the court and even took my place at his royal seat during the gladiator games. Sure, I sat on the other end because that was right around the time where things had become strained. But still… 

The point is, I was wanted. I was desired. I was respected. But above all, I was flaunted. The Grandmaster showed me off, presented me to his people and introduced me to his court. I wore his colors: teal and gold. There was no mistake that I mattered to him and my place amongst the court proved my importance. Double-blink, I was a good time and then some. If Thor hadn’t shown up… well, I shudder to think… but I may still have been in his court. Possibly a consort or some such thing. 

Or melted. Let’s be realistic here. 

Thankfully, Thor showed up and ruined everything. If it hadn’t been for that, I would not be on (indefinite) house arrest supervised by Tony Stark and in Thor’s most _intimate_ care.

* * *

 


	23. August 7-11th — I Am Beholden Unto You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A gift is given and then another. Perhaps they shall keep on giving...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for getting completely off schedule. I've even been TERRIBLE at replying to the comments that I hold so precious. Know that I'm trying to get my writing together as my life is a shambles. Lol. Being an adult is highly overrated. <3<3<3
> 
> ***chapter title comes from 'The IT Crowd' for literally no reason other than it always gets stuck in my head***

* * *

 

 

It didn’t take Tony long to make the pendant to my specifications. It was every bit as beautiful as I had hoped, though I worried Thor would not much appreciate jewelry. Sure, it was strong and masculine… and formed my sigil… oh, he was going to hate it.

“He’ll hate it. Set it ablaze. Let it all burn.”

“You can’t really just set titanium on fire. I mean…  it’ll get hot and eventually melt—”

“Tony, you’re an idiot sometimes.”

“No name calling.”

I sighed. “Sorry, I just think he’ll hate it.”

“Doubt it. You could probably give him a bedazzled diaper and he’d treasure it forever.” He wiped a cloth over the metal and slipped it into my hand. “Verity should be here soon for the enchantment. Now I’m really trusting you. Seriously.”

“I know. And may the Norns have woven a safe future for you. Balder knows that can be a contemptuous little loophole.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Inside joke.” 

_ Quite. Extremely inside, even. _

Verity arrived not long after. He flirted with her in his obvious way, innocently without purpose or true aim, but that was his charm. Oh, dear, was I beginning to enjoy these people? I sighed, plopping myself down into a chair in the workshop. It was worn and had suffered a few tears, but it felt comforting in a similar way that Thor is comforting. 

_ Oh, that’s disgusting. Deplorable. Hideous _ . 

I agree, but I can’t help it. These are facts. 

I ran my fingertips over the warn bits of fabric, feeling the damper lift a bit and bringing me that much closer to my full potential. The fibers twisted together, stretched and reconnected, until the hole in the armrest was repaired. A small feat, sure, but it felt oh so good to accomplish. 

“I need a bit more than that,” I said to Tony. He crossed his eyes and turned the dial on a hologram. When I stood, I could feel my feet planted deeper within the floor. Solid and fused with the foundation. Each piece and particle united. That is what seidr feels like: connection. To be one with every single thing that has ever been and ever will be. I took a deep breath and calm rushed through my veins. Yes, this would be enough power to do what I need done. 

“So, what are you gonna do with me?” asked Verity, shaken. My expression may have frightened her. Power tends to give me a look of TOTAL DOMINANCE that most find both intimidating and frightening. Oh, what a thrill. I’d nearly forgotten what it felt like to shock and awe. Oh, with half my power, I could destroy both of them. Hell, I could stab them to death without breaking a sweat. 

_ So his cruel nature returns… _

No! No, I said that I  _ could _ do those things. That’s all. I’m not going to, nor do I want to. But it is nice to know that I could. 

“Trust me. Well, as much as you can. It will be painless, Verity. But I’ll need you to take a seat and you probably shouldn’t move a muscle. I’ve never used a human for this sort of thing before.”

Now I could tell you the enchantment, but I think it makes for a much better narrative to hold off until I actually give said pendant to Thor. Don’t you? Yes, I’ll skip ahead. 

 

~~~

 

Thor paid me a visit one Saturday afternoon after having been away for a few days. I wasn’t upset, but I did make a bit of a fit when he returned. My issue was with his lack of reliable communication. What if something had happened?! But truly, I just wanted to send him lewd pictures or bratty messages to tide him (me) over until he returned. Yes, having Thor to myself in this unbrotherly fashion had turned me into some sort of fiend. 

“I’ve brought you a bit of ale and salmon.” His voice boomed as always, setting the food upon the table and wrapping me in his arms. That had taken some getting used to. After hiding our affair for so long, it was strange displaying our affection. 

“No pudding?” I pouted as Thor put his hands upon my shoulders and raked me into a massage. I moaned without a fight, the tension loosening while creating quite another. 

“I’m sorry; they’d sold out.”

“Even for the king? Some king you are then.”

“Why are you mad?”

“I’m not.” I could not help the pathetic, grumbly lilt to my voice, pressing my cheek his to chest. “I missed you.” 

“What? I could not hear—”

“Shut it. I refuse to inflate your ego any further. Bring these trifles to my bed chambers.”

“Yes, sir.” Thor made a show of gathering the items and marching down the hall. He looked like a right idiot, but I couldn’t keep myself from smiling. No, he would not get a laugh from me, but a smile, I could give. 

We settled onto my bed and I thought of April 1st. That evening, he brought a custard cake and accused me of having feelings for him. He fed me pudding on a fork and I ate it obediently. To think how far we’d come by then. I could have laughed or cried in equal measure. 

“Loki, where are you?” he asked. 

“Lost in thought.” I dropped my head and reached for the small black box upon the vanity. “You see, I have something for you—”

“Wait!” Thor jumped to his feet. “Is that a gift? You must wait.”

“Why?”

“I have something for you as well, but it is in New Asgard.”

“And you truly want me to wait for you to—”

“It’ll only be a moment. Wait. Just… wait, okay?” He smiled like a golden retriever, then kissed me on the forehead before running off and leaving me alone with my gift. 

_ This is the reason you’ve silenced me? _

And yet you speak.

_ You try shutting me out so that you may love this fool who doesn’t know what he is doing from one moment to another. He has a gift only because you have one. Is he so immature that he can’t give of himself without a formal exchange? That he cannot receive—   _

“He’s open to receiving. I’ve just been a selfish bottom as of late.” I grinned, annoying my fractured mind voice. 

_ You know good and well that isn’t what I meant! _

“Do I now? Perhaps I just don’t care.”

The turnaround couldn’t have been more than ten minutes as the Not-Bifrost is a nearly instantaneous affair. He did have to run from the site to his home. As I thought of that, I wondered what it looked like and for the first time since landing upon Midgard, I longed for home. 

“Loki, see. It didn’t. Take long.” He was out of breath and for a god who can fly and fight for hours without tiring, that says something. “Please, take this gift.”

“This is all very rude. You’re stealing my moment to impress you with my ability to be sweet.”

“That wasn’t my—”

“Yes, yes. That wasn’t your intent. It’s of no import now.” I placed my gift into Thor’s hand and demanded that he open it first. With his gift discarded on the bed, Thor fumbled with the fine black wrapping around my box. His hands, while large and calloused are quite pretty and nice. He took care with the edges as he unwrapped the paper and slipped the lid from the box. 

His expression was vague at first. I couldn’t read whether my gift was a disaster or not, though anything less than elation was failure in my perception. He ran his fingertips over the pendant before picking it up and connecting his gaze with mine. 

“This is your sigil.”

I nodded. “And it has been cast in titanium — a silvery metal of great strength on Midgard.”

“I see.” Thor’s smile finally began to spread over his lips and cheeks, alongside a healthy blush. “You mean for me to wear your sigil? For all to know that you’ve claimed me?” He leaned close, over our folded legs on the bed, and kissed me ever-so-lightly. “I’ve not told anyone on New Asgard since you are unable to travel there and speak on your behalf.”

“I know.”

“And yet?”

“I would have you wear my sigil.” I took his collar into my hand and tugged. “But only if you would have it.”

“I would.”

“You would?”

“Aye.” Thor climbed to the head of the bed and sat beside me, taking hold of my waist with a firm grasp. “This is a wonderful gift.” He held the pendant in his hand, admiring the symbol… or the craftwork… I knew not, but the smile would not leave his face. Had I made him happy? Did he feel loved and desired? If I could do that much, I had done at least one good thing in my life. 

I slipped my fingers around his, noting the detail in Tony’s handywork. “It’s a fine job,” I said. “These snakes are entangled together for eternity. They may fight, but never shall they lose their connection. Ever shall they return to one another.”

Thor kissed me rather than respond. 

“Also… it is enchanted.” I grinned. 

“Loki, did you do something worrisome? Troublesome? Will it give me an erection I may never be rid of?”

Now THAT would have been hilarious. “Nothing like that.” I cleared my throat and turned to him, hands folded in my lap. “I know I’ve given you far more reasons to distrust and accuse me in our past. I will not pretend that there is anyway to undo that damage, but I want to make it better. With this pendant, you may know the truth of my heart.” 

Thor straightened up and handed the necklace back to me, turning a bit so I may clasp the cord around his neck. “I trust you this much. Risking accursed jewelry for you.”

I smacked his arm. “How dare you.” 

“I’m kidding.” He turned back and took my neck into his hand, caressing my cheek with that glorious thumb. “Now tell me of this power.”

“You’ll need to practice on your own. My seidr was still kept from me a bit. I even had to use Verity as a conduit.” I turned to nibble on his hand, grumbling, “It isn’t my best work.”

“May I test it?” Thor looked up thoughtfully for a moment. “Answer me this: why have you not insisted we experiment with your other forms? You mention it, but that is all.”

“I will tell you one truth and one lie.” I took Thor’s hand from my face and pulled away. “First, I fear that you will not accept my other forms as you do this one. Second, I am thrilled by the idea, but worry that you’ll enjoy it too much and prefer another form to this one. This is my favorite, you see.”

Thor nodded and took hold of the pendant, shutting his eyes to concentrate. When he spoke, he did so with his eyes stayed shut. “It’s a trick. Both are true and false. You worry in part that I will not desire you and you worry in part that I will desire too much. That you will become nothing more than a fetish to me. But… you are still excited by it.” He paused, raising an eyebrow. “Is one of your forms a virgin?”

I blushed. “What? No.”

“Your jotunn form?”

“Shut it!” He was right. I hadn’t expected him to be so good from the start. “Why are you… how are you—?”

“Loki, I’ve been figuring you out for years. This helps me tune into you, but I don’t need much practice.” He took my cheeks into his hands and kissed me with such depth that I could no longer feel my own balance. “I will love any form you take. If you decided to live as your maiden or jotunn form most of the time, I would love it. If you remained this way forever, I would love it. If you made a new form—”

“Yes, yes, you would love it. Thank you, brother.” Though I spoke through a thick fog of sarcasm, the truth was clear and Thor knew it now. I’d given him all my cards. “May you know the truth of my love for you with your own perception. May you hold reason for your faith in me.” I kissed him quickly on the forehead and sat back. 

“May I give you my gift now?” 

I nodded reluctantly, instinctively distrustful though I knew Thor would never hurt me. Not intentionally anyway. He placed the box in my palm, poorly wrapped and not much bigger than mine had been. Would it be jewelry? I hoped it not ugly. Oh, to be forced to wear hideous fineries to appease the god of one’s heart! I don’t know if I have it in me to be so loving. 

Lip bitten, I tore the paper from the box and eased the lid from one edge, careful so as not to chip the green polish on my nails. That would have ruined my day. Inside the box set a golden necklace with a round pendant at its end. Thor’s triquetra was layered and embossed within the round. The edges darkened with smithing. This was a handmade item in the ways of Asgard. The now lost ways, or ways thought lost. 

“It is not as fine and enchanting as your—” Thor began to deprecate his gift, but I would not have it. I forced myself, mouth and body, atop him to shut the rude words threatening to come from his head. Nay, his gift was beautiful. It was kind and it was far more than I ever could have hoped to deserve. “Loki, Loki,” he said, pulling me back by my shoulders, laughing. “Someone’s excited.”

“I love it.”

“My gift?”

“We commissioned identical pendants, Thor. Mine in your silver shade and yours in my gold.”

“I just thought you might like to match… you haven’t worn silver in ages.” 

“Do you ever wonder why I wear gold though I am the Silver Tongue and you wear silver though you are the Golden God?” I grinned, slinking close again and nibbling at his ear. He only allowed this for a moment before setting me back beside him. Apparently, we were not done talking.

“I’ll be honest; I hadn’t thought on it until this very moment.”

“Oaf.”

“Snake.”

“And I will coil upon you…” I leaned in again to kiss his neck, but Thor would not have it! “What?!”

“You haven’t finished looking at your gift.”

My brow furrowed as I rolled my eyes. What more could there be? He gestured that I flip the pendant over, but that set worry upon me. Oh, would he ruin this perfect gift by engraving our names or the date of our union or some such romantic flagrancy that I could not deem wearable upon my personage. Oh, how dare he. 

I gave the backing a quick look, squinting first before opening my eyes fully. There were no words, no runes, no romantic idiocy. They were Vanir etchings. Those of Mother, Lady Frigga. The etchings I wore proudly in a life far gone beyond this one. Tears, as they were inevitable, slipped from my eyes. My thumb ran back and forth over the arched lines. 

“I thought you might like—” Thor began to speak.

“Yes.” 

“And if you would like your privacy, you could wear this side as the front.” Thor shrugged and took my free hand. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m very well.” I kissed the back of his hand and smiled, though I’m sure I looked a right mess through all the tears. “You’ve given me quite possibly the best gift in history. You do know that, right?”

“It is a good gift, isn’t it?” He smirked, haughtily. 

“Let us enchant it.”

“What? How so?”

“Tony hasn’t returned the damper to its normal level. I can wield enough seidr to bind this chain.”

“Meaning?”

“I can enchant it so that you are the only one who may work the clasp.”

“Loki, I don’t need you to be trapped with—”

“Thor, I’m electing this. I’m giving this to you. My choice to wear it is yours.” I placed the pendant and chain in his hands. “I give myself… I am beholden unto you and…” I dropped my head for a moment and wiped the tears from my eyes. “And I will have it with the triquetra outward facing.”

“Very well.” 

I placed my hands around Thor’s and traced the lines of seidr with my mind’s eye. Thor’s silvery and golden strands were already tied to the necklace. He’d put so much love and thought into it that pieces of him would always be there. I smiled as I knotted the clasp and cast wards to protect from any other who may dare take the necklace off of me. Even myself. Especially myself. For I did not want some moment of spite to remove it from my neck. Even if things were to go south, he would always be my brother and Frigga my mother and Vanaheim my blood. I would not part with this pendant for all my days. (And if it didn’t go with my outfit, I could always hide or transform it with a glamour.)

“There,” I said.

“That’s it?”

“I’m proficient.  _ ‘That’s it.’  _  What an oaf.” I scoffed, staring at the necklace now unclasped and awaiting my neck. Nerves shot through me. This was quite the gesture to make. Yet again, I knelt to prove myself to Thor. Always. I did this whether to prove my might or prove my strength. And now, I worked to prove my devotion — my undying fidelity. 

I took my hair to one side, leaning forward as Thor’s wrists rested upon my shoulders. The clink of metal scraped behind my ears as he messed with the clasp. His kiss accompanied the ceremony of it all. Lips gingerly pressed against mine. Then hands upon my neck. Then one hand upon my chest over the pendant where it hung. Thor’s tongue joined in and the kiss deepened. Perhaps the realization of my gift and the gesture I’d latched onto his meant that I had given practically all I could. That I wished to be in his possession and refused the agency to leave him. The responsibility that placed on him did not seem to phase. Thor took me into his lap with one demanding jerk of motion. He needed me closer and would not be made to wait. I would not make him. 

 

* * *

 


	24. August 11th — Like Virgins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor requests a demonstration in shapeshifting...

* * *

 

Thor’s hands slid beneath my loose tank top and dug into the muscle, always one for impromptu massages. The touch forced moans and groans from me as tension fled from my back and surged into my cock. 

“Your seidr,” Thor said, panting. “You still have… I mean, can you… shapeshift?”

“Does this form not please you?” I teased. Though, admittedly, I worried. 

“This form is everything to me, but I would like to settle your fear.” He kissed my cheek most brotherly. “If you would allow it.”

“A maiden then? Or…” I dared not say jotunn. Oh, he was going to ask for my jotunn form to really hit home that I was loved or whatever. Good Golden Apples, what was I to do?

“I would take Or.”

“Oh, you would fuck an Oar? Or a Boar?”

“Loki, beloved.” Yes, he said that. Disgusting. I could have strangled him with the leather cord of his necklace… if I didn’t happen to love hearing it. “You fear my acceptance of your jotunn form most of all. I would convince you otherwise.”

“You just want to claim me as some prize to be won. A jotunn runt’s virginity. A relic to be attained—”

“Stop, Loki.” Thor pulled me to lie beside him on the bed, wrapped in his tenuous arms so firm. “You know my intent. And you’ve free will to deny me.”

“Deny you? How arrogant.”

He shut his eyes and held tight to the pendant I’d given him. Shit.

“Loki, you want this as much as you fear it, but you are not angry with me.”

“No, I’m not angry.” I pressed my face to his chest and breathed in the intoxicating odor of Thor’s electric musk. “But that form is strange.” I did my best to explain the complexity of a child born jotunn and vanir. Too much of some things, but all in the wrong size. A giant born of a goddess. A confusing specimen. Not incompatible to fuck, but certainly incompatible for most all other. There were many reasons for my abandonment, insult to the throne of Jotunheim being only one. 

“I love you no matter your form.” 

“I warn that you may not enjoy me.” I shut my eyes and searched for the self within myself. The cold, the tundra, the icy emptiness and loneliness. The blue skin was coming to the surface; I could feel it. Thor’s breath hitched. Yes, he was seeing this for the first time. In bed with a monster. 

Oh, dearest Thor, wait until I open my eyes. 

I counted to three and opened my lids one after the other. Lucky for Thor, my jotunn form isn’t so very different. I maintain my beautiful hair and size and frame and bone structure. Honestly, my bone structure is  _ very _ jotunn. We’re a sharp and prickly people. 

Thor’s gaze slid up and down my body, though still clothed, he could see the change in me. Feel the change. I was frigid and drawn with lines down my skin, crested upon my crown of a heritage I knew not. His fingers soon followed the trace of his eyes, light and cautious down the curves and edges of my form. It seemed for a time that he’d lost himself in my wilderness and in that emptiness, worry crept up my throat. I could not speak nor did Thor speak. What if he hated this disgusting thing before him? How had I allowed him the opportunity to break my heart to irreparable?

“Loki… so foolish.” He hummed as he smoothed the lines across my brow. The hum grew to a chuckle and I wished to scratch his eye out. Again. 

“What’s so funny?”

“That you would think it possible for me not to desire this side of you. Do you see what I see?” He sat up a bit and leaned over me. “You wish to be the moon to my sun and here you are bathed in blue. I’ve never seen anything like you in all the realms. We’ve fought on Jotunheim, we’ve hunted in Vanaheim… even the elves of Alfheim and Svartalfheim cannot compare. You are unique like the—”

“My eyes are blood red. I look like a monster.”

“Your eyes are… they’re like rubies.” 

“Now you’re just making things up.”

“Fine, they’re a little scary, but it fits you. Like razor-edged rubies. You’re gorgeous and glittering, but powerful, cutting, and intimidating.” He kissed my nose. “You are a great deal more than one simple thing. But you are beautiful, no matter what.”

For a moment, I thought his admission would hurt, but rather I welcomed the honesty. These eyes were meant to intimidate. I wasn’t just a jewel. I was more somehow. Or at least he thought me so.

My hands, azure and uncertain, reached for him, coiling around his neck. “Is this alright?”

“Loki, nothing has changed.” He pulled me close and whispered ‘brother’ into my ear, chasing the word with kisses down my neck. Oh, dear. What was that? Something seemed to be boiling within the pits of me. Churning. Gripping. NEEDY. I felt slave to a yearning I’d never felt before and could not describe. 

“Kiss me.”

Thor obeyed, meeting my gaze and pressing his lips to mine. Where his lips had always been warm before, they were now hot. Almost painfully so.

“Are you alright?” I asked. “I’ve not caused frostbite?”

“No. I think you must will it.”

“Ah.” Without question, I continued, hungry for his lips as though starved. My licks and laps became ravenous and I pawed at him like a beast in heat. What was this? Perhaps jotunns coupled in a monstrous way. Would Thor survive me? Well, if anyone was to survive, it would be Thor. “This form yearns in such a way I have not experienced before.”

“Oh?”

“I feel that I’ll go mad.” I panted and shoved away from Thor. “I-I-I don’t know what this is. I feel that I want to tear you apart or perhaps, I desire for you to tear _me_ apart.”

“This explains a few things.” Thor tore off his shirt in one movement and shucked away his jeans. 

“What are you doing?”

“You said you’d go mad. I thought you wanted me to hurry.”

“No, I… I don’t know. How do we proceed? I told you things aren’t quite right down there. I’ve the same cock, but no bollocks and a cunt that is painfully shallow. Trust me. I know what it should feel like. This one doesn’t work quite right.”

Thor hushed me with a kiss and grabbed me by the hips. “We can do whatever you want. We can do nothing at all. I will please you no matter the need or limitation. Do you trust me?”

I wanted to push him away, but I knew that I trusted no other more than he. I relented and followed his movements, placing me back on the bed. My shirt came off first, then he ran his fingers through my hair and dressed the pillow with tendrils in all directions. Hands slipped slowly down my chest and middle to fiddle with my button and fly. I refused to assist in his undressing of me, forcing Thor to lift my weight and tug my shorts down from my body. The underclothes went at once. There I was. Unable to hide from him. Unable to hide from the world that I was anything other than what I was. A confused mess. A mutt. A freak. I teared up a little as Thor looked me over. The deep seated desire had not left, but the fear welling up within had quelled its intensity. 

“If I tell you you’re beautiful again, will you anger?” Thor smiled, climbing over me. Oh, that smile of his. 

“No.” I whimpered — yes, I actually whimpered — pawing at him again. “Please, brother.”

“Of course.”

“But if you truly want this body, please be patient and careful with it. I do not even understand it fully myself.” 

Thor lowered himself, teeming with power and strength. His arms found their way around me and squeezed at the base of my neck and back. His lips trailed my neck and clavicle. His tongue traced heritage lines as he found them. The icy fire building within pulsed and radiated, pushing against the walls of my body. Sending a pulse of shivers across my skin. I needed Thor in a way that did not make sense. I could not put words to it other than urgent and necessary. I gritted my teeth and whined as he took his ever-loving time planting kisses along my abdomen. 

“And what’s this?” Thor said. Oh, his jesting… just put it in your mouth already! My thoughts were all a swarm, but I did not rush him nor did I beg. I would have in my aesir form, but I could not seem to. I wanted him, but I feared everything, shutting my mouth and posing for him. Legs up and arched into the shape of an M. Panting. Waiting. Patient. Was it me or was it the form? I could not tell the difference anymore, if there had been one to begin with. 

Thor licked up the underside of my cock before kissing about the tip and taking me down his throat. He groaned vibrations and gripped my hips with hands so firm, leaving those marks I could treasure in his absence. At least I hoped they would. Electricity and static sparked through me, heating the fire (or cooling the ice?) even further in the pit of my belly. I moaned and cried out his name. One hand shot to the headboard and the other dove into his hair. Then he looked at me. Our eyes met. I hadn’t realized it before, but I’d had my eyes shut. Now there was no ignoring it. My hand was blue against his wheat-spun hair. Blue as his eyes. Eyes that looked back upon mine and what did he see? Red, piercing orbs. I winced and shut my eyes again, but Thor pulled away from my cock and spoke (a bit of spit and come trailed from his lips.) 

“Please don’t hide.”

“But—”

“But nothing.” He wiped his mouth and slid his hands up my thighs to the backs of my knees, pushing them down against my shoulders. Yes, I’m quite flexible. “Unless you want to stop.”

“No, please. I want you to have me.” 

Thor smiled, pressing a quick kiss to the instep of each foot, and dove back down for more. But this time he did not venture to my cock. He placed the hot flat of his tongue right against the slit of my cunt. Oh, that was… oh. 

Now I’ve been tasted as a maiden with such lovely, dainty bits and this was similar, but very different somehow. The boiling churn within kicked up and spun. My core swelled and thrummed with Thor's movements. With his pulse. I was dizzy as he kissed and sucked and licked, invading me with the heat of his tongue. One hand curled around my leg to stroke my cock and the other slowly crept in to play with my cunt. Between licks, he circled one finger around the slit. Was he planning to open me? There wasn’t much room. Definitely not for the massive cock still contained within his underclothes. But he waited, took his time. Lapping me up and groaning against me as I writhed to the rhythm of his ministrations. Over and over, the sensation had built and once again, I was beginning to feel mad with the need for pleasure. To be torn apart. 

It was terribly unexpected when his finger slipped in. “Oh~”

“Oh?”

“Oh, yes.”

“I wasn’t trying to… I didn’t mean—”

I pulled his hair and threw my head back. What was this? The sensation had always been painful in the past. I attempted it a few times and it did not work well. I tested it with my seidr and the area just would not yield much. What was happening? If I could separate my focus, I would test my seidr, but far too much pleasure was going on. 

Thor’s finger curled in and out to the pace of his licking and stroking. Three sources of pleasure? Would I die? Oh, I certainly would. My legs tired and swung, shaking as the snap of static rose over me. 

“Another?” he asked, still with a mouthful of cunt. How obscene and wonderful.

“I don’t know if it’ll go.”

“Your body.” He pulled back a bit. “It’s calling for it.”

“Do as you please. I’ll say the safe word if I need you to stop.”

“What was it again?”

“Tesseract.”

“You want me to stop?”

“No, you imbecileeeaaah—!” 

Thor pressed another finger inside as I insulted him, the mischievous oaf. Oh, there seemed to be enough room for Thor. Was he the one destined to tame my shrew? 

“I won’t push more. You’re very tight. Perhaps, next time…” He rubbed my thigh and returned to sucking my cock as his fingers massaged me from the inside. Pressing and pushing and slipping in and out. I wanted to kick and scream, it was painfully perfect. The icy fire swelled. It grew to the capacity of my body. I was going to burst. I just knew it. 

My hands held fast to his hair as a knight riding a wild steed. I bucked onto his fingers and into his mouth as a grand shudder tore through my body, threatening to split me in two. A surge of cool energy burst from within and I cried out something wild and beastly. Coming felt like an avalanche thrashing my consciousness. It frightened and surprised me at first, lasting much longer than I had anticipated. (Thirty constant seconds, if you can imagine.)

“What’s this—?” said Thor, as my body quaked in aftershock. Ice and snow and cool convulsion. I felt nearly ill with fever. Thor sat up and lifted his hand, covered in crystalline come. “I think you’ve squirted on me.”

I giggled, still quaking. “That doesn’t look like it.”

“It’s somewhere in the middle.” He sat upon the edge of the bed and inspected my spend. “The humans have this substance… it is a gel they use to keep items cool. This reminds me a bit of that. Only opalescent... and much wetter.” 

“Are you disgusted?” I tried to turn over and away from him. 

“Never.” He wiped the icy slick onto my cock, still hard for it had not come. And yes, that is quite the gift. “And now, my Fair Loki, I request that you take me in this form.”

“What?”

“Do you not want it?” He stood from the bed and turned around, arching his back to show off the perfectly round, ripe ass he’d been working with this entire time. “Problem, Loki?”

“No, I just… don’t want to disappoint.” 

“You’ve given me yourself anew. I would do the same.”

“You better not dislike it and blame me.”

“Then just make sure it’s good.” Thor laughed and slipped out of his underclothes, damp with pre-come. He cleared his throat and looked around nervously. “Ah, so what should I do?”

I climbed up and took his hands, leading him back down and easing him to all fours. 

“Relax. Know that I will not harm you.” I set myself behind Thor, the Mighty, and took great handfuls of his ass. I hushed him and bent to lick the hole that puckered before me. It was just as nervous is Thor himself, probably wrapped in all the silly tales of how much it hurts. I would not let him hurt. 

“Ah,” he cooed and moaned as I circled his rim with my tongue. I lapped and kissed and spat, massaging the rim until it loosened. So pink and innocent and all mine to defile. How very lewd and luscious. “Oh, brother, you are a specimen.”

“Don’t say things like that.” 

“Fold your arms and rest your head on the pillows.” 

He obeyed as I spoke, moaning a bit as he did so. I slid my icy cock along that beautiful ass, teasing the entrance. “Do you want it?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to be taken by Loki? By the God of Mischief and Lies and Stories? Your brother, a monster collected from the snow.” 

He turned his head. “My brother is not a monster. He will have me, no matter.”

I petted his head and returned to my work, using seidr to slick my hand over and slipping a finger in to the sounds of his grunting. Toying and tickling and playing until one just didn’t seem like enough. Then another. Thor cried out. His mighty fists once used for bludgeoning blows now balled up in blankets as my long fingers slid inside him. I pressed on to find that delicious spot, which did not take long. Oh, how his breath did hitch and whine. How he called for more. How he cried that I would press there again. Oh, I would. How I will, Thor. 

“Do you want more, brother? Does the King of Asgard want more?”

“Yes, he does.” Thor hung his head, calming his breathing to take another finger of mine. And take it he did. “Oh, Loki… this… ah.”

“This is a treat for you. I don’t top often.” I leaned forward to kiss his spine, sending a shiver through him with my cold touch. “Are you ready for me, King? Do you wish finally to be fucked?”

“Yes.” His voice faltered and broke. “King Loki of Jotunheim.” 

Oh, that was a title I could get used to. My cock twitched at the thought. We were both ready it seemed. I removed my fingers and replaced them with my icy, dribbling cock. The head pushing through the resistant rim, but took a moment to settle and ease its way inside. Thor breathed heavily as though he was in the sparring yard. The image of burly warriors tearing swords from sheaths, swinging and shouting to attain victory. But what more is victory than bragging rights? What more than to claim prowess over your rivals? Victors only remain victorious until they lose and we all lose. Nay, true power lies in the ability to find the edge of one’s own thresholds and press past. To lay upon the mat and give all control to another takes far more courage than swinging a blade. And to trust the trickster with his vulnerable body, Thor has crowned himself a thousand times over. There is no equal to Thor and never will there be. 

He hissed as I sunk into him fully that first time. With soft kisses I soothed the initial ache I knew all too well. It would smooth out, I assured him, though not with words. He held fast to my sigil and so I gave him my heart. I would not hurt him, not at all. 

I patted his flank and gripped his waist. “Shall I move now?”

“Slowly.”

“You’ve certainly got the stance right,” I said, before slipping out and in with cool rhythm. “Are you sure you’ve not done this before?”

“I think… I’d remember… if I had. Uhhh—” He grunted and tensed. 

“I told you to relax.”

“Yes, okay. Y-yeah~” It seemed relaxation suddenly did the trick as he arched his back further (I didn’t realize that was possible the way he was already posed) and moaned. Oh, Thor was embracing this, wasn’t he? 

As sweat began to build down his back, my blue hands ran along his skin to cool him. I sped up, but only a bit, just to test how far these waters did run. Wet again, my body began to hunger and yearn for destructive pleasure, but having sated it earlier, it worried me far less now. I pressed my fingers into the taunt muscles of Thor’s back. There was oh so much muscle and he always did well to massage me. I pushed and pressed and churned my thumbs against the tissue, forcing knots into submission. It’s much like seidr, in a way. 

Thor’s grumbling moans and the random squeal spoke to the pleasure he’d fallen into. How I wished to please him. Even in this position, I felt vulnerable and burdened to serve. Once more I quickened my pace and reached for his cock so painfully rigid that the mere graze of my hand called an storm from his body. He cried my name and grabbed a hold of my wrist. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing, just, ah~” He didn’t say much more than that, though I worried he’d say Mjolnir (his safeword) and put a damper (fucking dampers) on this scene. Not that I would go and take him by force, but I would feel ever so horribly for hurting him that I may never return from that depression. 

_ You’ll hurt him no matter what you—  _

Shut up, Mind!

But Thor’s hand joined my own in stroking him. Slowly and calmly at first. He seemed to need this to be soft and kind, and I would oblige, holding back the ravenous instinct this jotunn form seemed to have. 

The tight rim of Thor’s previously virgin ass burned like a fire round me. The heat spread through my groin and down to my feet and fingers, sweltering from the inside. I panted as the heat threatened to become too much. Jotunn’s and their temperature sensitivity… 

I held my breath as my body began to shake along with Thor’s storm that had begun to rumble and shudder through us. I couldn’t hold on much longer. The ice was melting. The seidr tight. I was full and needed desperately to spill. Thor took a sharp breath, pulling our hands down faster. Up again and down. Was he nearly there too?

“Thor, I’m near to spilling. Shall I pull—”

“No, King Loki of Jotunheim. Please stay.” 

How had he become playful again? Oh, but hearing such a thing did chase the sensation forward… that impossible energy building to an invisible edge, radiating and calling me forth. I took hold of my breath and let loose the urge to pound my way to completion. The slap of skin erotic, especially never having been on this side with Thor. Faster and harder I pushed until my head went foggy and the heat choked me and static pulled me to burst. 

I fell upon Thor’s bareback in a fit of gasping breath. Though exhausted if not a bit dead, I did not let up the pace of my hand below. Thor bucked into my hand and his. I remained inside him, pressing and releasing lazily. Just enough to feel rather good. It wasn’t more than a moment before Thor spilled into our shared grasp. 

“Oh, my King,” I could not help but say. “That was wondrous. How do you fair?”

“Well, my King. I’ve never felt such sensations.” He panted, turning his head to one side. Cheeks flushed and sweat glistening. “I would see you now.”

I peeled my slick self from his back and pulled out of his body. What a surprising and nasty little thing? A half-frost giant had fucked the King of Asgard. If I’d cared or aligned at all with Jotunheim, this would be quite the victory. But no… they can all get fucked. 

Once apart, I paused to look him over once. Well, his rear. I wanted to see my handy work. But alas… I cannot seem to leave well enough alone. “Where is it?”

“Where is what?”

“My spend. My cum leaking from your godly asshole. Where is it?”

“Maybe it’s all inside?” Thor shrugged, though a touch embarrassed.

“Stand up. Shake it out of you.” 

“Where is this coming from?” He turned around and sat on the edge of the bed, taking my hips into his grasp. “Have I done something wrong?”

“No.” I wanted to say yes. Why was I angry? Couldn’t even tell you. This is why I’m horrible to be courting. Balder’s Bare Bullocks, how long before Thor grew weary of all this? 

“Loki.”

“What?”

“It’s, um… your spend is running down your leg.”

I looked down. How had I not noticed icy gelatinous cum dripping down my thigh? I supposed everything was wet and messy and cold. 

“Ah, so this body… it’s a confusing mess. I spill from my cunt regardless? Well, I don’t quite know how to feel about that.”

Thor knelt down on one knee and lapped up all that oozed down my legs. I didn’t watch; for some reason, I’d become disgusted. It reminded me of the first time I’d found my maiden form and touched myself. It filled me with the deepest shame. Everything about me was wrong. I should not be one to have this quim or feel these fingers let alone to want and desire such touch. Oh, to be filled and fucked… how dare I desire such a thing? I was that foul princess the children had teased. What man was I? What warrior could I possibly become as I pranced about in my chambers in frocks and conjured flowers and plaits through my hair? And what of the days when I pranced about in those same frocks in my princely form? What then? Oh, I was such a mess. The kids had been right. A weasel, a witch, and a weirdo.

Thor had fully cleaned me, stood, and wrapped his arms around me before I realized that I had gone miles away. What a horrid lover I was to leave Thor after he had given himself to me? I dropped to my knees and apologized. “I’m so sorry for behaving this way. You are perfect as ever you will be.”

“Am not.” Thor pulled me to my feet and onto the bed. “I would hold you now.”

“Yes, please.” As I crawled up to meet him, I shifted back into my aesir form. 

“You needn’t—”

“I don’t want to get stuck that way. What if Tony remembers to turn the dampers up?” This was a very good lie. The best even. Thor nodded, not even worrying to verify my honesty. Oh, how he trusted his fiend of a lover. 

I snuggled against him furiously like a burrowing creature escaping the harsh winter. Thor took me into his arms as he always did. He always had. I hoped that he always would. So firm and warm and sure he was; I could melt into him and be content. 

“Loki?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

“You’re the one filleted by me this night. I should ask if you’re okay? My cock is not insignificant.”

“You’re crying.”

“Am I?”

“I mean, yeah. A bit. A lot.”

I hadn’t realized. “Oh, well, I’ll stop.”

“No, you’ll tell me what is wrong.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine, it’s nothing really.”

“I’ll know if you’re lying.” He tapped his pendant with a grin.

“I should think my gifts through a bit further.” I forced a laugh, but Thor did not follow in kind. “Look, I just… I’m strange and always will be and with each new occurrence of weirdness that falls out of my control, I feel powerless. I feel grotesque. And sure, it is silly. Why should I care that in one form I… well, you saw. It should not bother me. I’m Loki. I’m beyond form or function. I’m an agent of chaos even within my own self. It’s the lack of control. The destiny in my weirdness. The way I will never be near normal enough for anyone to relate to or stand beside. I’m constantly fractured and severed within my body and my mind. I’m not normal, Thor.”

“But that’s why—”

“That is why you love me? For I am unique and nothing in this universe is like me because I’m a fault in the cosmos. Nothing was ever meant to come out this way. The energy and atoms that make up this accident before you are just that: an accident.”

“Stop this.”

“I’m not well, Thor. I’m fractured in all ways.” I pulled myself onto his chest and grabbed his face, my speech pressured and frantic. “I hear voices. I hear my own and I hear my own. It speaks to me as if another timeless version of myself. As if I am a husk and a disappointment to the existence of my kind. Of all the Lokis, eternal. I know it’s mad. I’m mad. I’ve come back from oblivion, but I am not well.”

“Loki.” Thor sat up and held tight, hushing me and combing his fingers through my hair. “You must listen to me. For all you've been through, I would give my life to take the pain away. And for your destiny as this God, all the trouble that comes with it, I would take on your burden if I could. But we must stop this loop. Do you see it?”

“What loop?”

“We become closer and then you explode with all these things to push me away. But I’ll go nowhere. These voices will not harm you. I'll always be here to settle your worries, because there is nothing you can say or do to run me off.”

That accusation made me hideously angry, though he wasn’t wrong. 

He continued: “You get caught in loops from time to time. Before there was the betrayal loop. Before that was the trickster loop. Now we’re at the unlovable loop. ‘Oh, I’m Loki and I’m impossible to love!’”

“I never said that!”

“‘Oh Thor, I’m the worst!’” He held fast despite my struggles to pull away and run from this situation entirely. Not that I could leave the building, but still. “Loki, you know that I’m right. Let us stop this loop.” He took my shoulders and pushed me back so that he may look me square in the eyes. “You deserve love. You are lovable. You are beautiful. You are powerful. Now, you try. Say it.”

My heart leaped into my throat. Just hearing the words flowing from Thor’s tongue made me love him even more. It validated and reassured me while simultaneously validating and reassuring me that Thor was far too good for someone like me. 

“I’m waiting,” he said, taking my hands in his. “You…?” 

“I deserve love. I am lovable. I am… beautiful. I am powerful.” 

“Do you believe it?”

“I wish to.”

“I have loved you since your infancy; I can still remember my brand new baby brother in his crib. I loved you growing up as playmates. I loved you when we fought. I loved you when I hated you. I loved you when I stood before the Destroyer, trusting you would not take my life, but if you did, I would have gladly given it to atone for my sins.”

“Thor!” I shouted by mistake. I caught my voice and quieted down. “Thor, never do something so rash again.”

“Trust you?” He smiled softly, then leaned in to kiss my lips so very softly that it felt to be dreamlike. “You once told me to trust your rage. I now trust your love.” I hadn’t noticed Thor twined our fingers together as he spoke until he lifted my hands to his lips to peck at my knuckles. His loving words continued, washing over me in a warm current. Nourishing. Necessary. This was rapture. He was perfection. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t—  

_ Oh god, you’re in love with him, aren’t you? Completely. There’s no saving you now. Ugh… how very un-Loki-like of you. _

My mind was right. There was no going back now, not that there ever had been. I was his. Thor owned me. And I loved him severely for it. 

* * *

 


End file.
